Chris
@seismicshed.bsky.social
Husband to a patient wife. Father to a trans daughter and an 8ft son. Increasingly frustrated and angry with the stupidity of the world. Musician. Gardener. Drinker. Straight cis 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 ally. He / him.
Pinned
Chris
@seismicshed.bsky.social
· Oct 15
Waiting for one of these to call me a motherfucker, as per the internet.
FB will be snided out with people claiming judges know nothing about the law.
Epping hotel can continue housing asylum seekers, judge rules
Epping hotel can continue housing asylum seekers, judge rules
A council has lost its legal battle with the government in a landmark High Court ruling.
www.bbc.com
November 11, 2025 at 1:01 PM
FB will be snided out with people claiming judges know nothing about the law.
TAKE MY MONEY
Fine, I will write the next James Bond.
INT: SEX CASINO, NIGHT
BOND: Hello I am Bond James Bond my car goes NYOOM
CUT TO: ten minutes of a chase in a sports car
BOND: Also my watch is a special watch that makes ladies blouses see through
EXPLOSION
BOND: This film is for grown ups
INT: SEX CASINO, NIGHT
BOND: Hello I am Bond James Bond my car goes NYOOM
CUT TO: ten minutes of a chase in a sports car
BOND: Also my watch is a special watch that makes ladies blouses see through
EXPLOSION
BOND: This film is for grown ups
November 11, 2025 at 12:47 PM
TAKE MY MONEY
TAKE MY MONEY
Right. Here's my big pitch:
Muppet James Bond
James Bond in…A Heart-Felt Goodbye
Dominic Cooper as Bond
Kermit M Frog
Mrs Moneypiggy
Beaker & Dr Bunsen HoneyQ
The agents of G.O.N.Z.O. want to kidnap the world's chickens. MI5 has a mole (Rizzo the Rat). An agent is undercover as a chef in Sweden.
Muppet James Bond
James Bond in…A Heart-Felt Goodbye
Dominic Cooper as Bond
Kermit M Frog
Mrs Moneypiggy
Beaker & Dr Bunsen HoneyQ
The agents of G.O.N.Z.O. want to kidnap the world's chickens. MI5 has a mole (Rizzo the Rat). An agent is undercover as a chef in Sweden.
November 11, 2025 at 11:11 AM
TAKE MY MONEY
"It's just going to be cowering meekly for us from now on"
SENATOR ANGUS KING: "Standing up to Donald Trump didn't work. It actually gave him more power."
November 10, 2025 at 5:09 PM
"It's just going to be cowering meekly for us from now on"
Reposted by Chris
Taurus: Make time for your family this week. You might need a kidney some day.
November 9, 2025 at 7:51 PM
Taurus: Make time for your family this week. You might need a kidney some day.
Tell you, mate, I was absolutely steaming last night.
November 9, 2025 at 3:42 PM
Tell you, mate, I was absolutely steaming last night.
We went to Tesco's yesterday and I saw that Piss Morgan has a book out called "Woke is dead".
It's a fascinating sales strategy, writing books aimed at people who can't read.
It's a fascinating sales strategy, writing books aimed at people who can't read.
November 9, 2025 at 9:56 AM
We went to Tesco's yesterday and I saw that Piss Morgan has a book out called "Woke is dead".
It's a fascinating sales strategy, writing books aimed at people who can't read.
It's a fascinating sales strategy, writing books aimed at people who can't read.
We should listen to him, he probably knows a thing or two about letting voters down.
EXCL: The Green party is offering “simple solutions to complex problems” and making “undeliverable” promises to voters ahead of next election, PM's chief secretary Darren Jones tells me 👇
www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
Greens’ ‘undeliverable’ promises will let voters down, says Labour minister
Exclusive: Darren Jones says Labour has to convince young people it is ‘modern party of the future’
www.theguardian.com
November 9, 2025 at 9:51 AM
We should listen to him, he probably knows a thing or two about letting voters down.
Reposted by Chris
Sometimes I wish we didn’t have to consider it.
It’s not fair those of insufficient intellect get to avoid it.
It’s not fair those of insufficient intellect get to avoid it.
November 9, 2025 at 1:18 AM
Sometimes I wish we didn’t have to consider it.
It’s not fair those of insufficient intellect get to avoid it.
It’s not fair those of insufficient intellect get to avoid it.
At times in like this it is incumbent upon those of sufficient intellect to consider the ever pressing question....
"What the fucking fuck??"
"What the fucking fuck??"
November 9, 2025 at 1:05 AM
At times in like this it is incumbent upon those of sufficient intellect to consider the ever pressing question....
"What the fucking fuck??"
"What the fucking fuck??"
NGL, tonight's gig was about as good as we've ever done. Properly buzzing.
November 9, 2025 at 12:23 AM
NGL, tonight's gig was about as good as we've ever done. Properly buzzing.
I didn't smirk at this. Nope.
‘I was the only out queer guy in rock’: Faith No More’s Roddy Bottum
‘I was the only out queer guy in rock’: Faith No More’s Roddy Bottum
The keyboard player on his heroin overdose, how Kurt Cobain wanted to be gay and why his memoir will ruin his Christian relatives’ Thanksgiving dinner
www.theguardian.com
November 7, 2025 at 4:46 PM
I didn't smirk at this. Nope.
Funeral today. Too many this year.
November 7, 2025 at 9:58 AM
Funeral today. Too many this year.
Maybe they heard about the poppies on every fucking lampost and are looking for the opium farm.
WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING POPPY?
November 6, 2025 at 5:28 PM
Maybe they heard about the poppies on every fucking lampost and are looking for the opium farm.
We've had police helicopters before but I don't recall a police plane being this interested in our locale before. Been circling for an hour now.
November 6, 2025 at 5:18 PM
We've had police helicopters before but I don't recall a police plane being this interested in our locale before. Been circling for an hour now.
You know, as a gardening professional, it's that time of year when people ask me "Chris, what's your favourite autumn leaf?" and I always give them the same answer....
Fuck off.
Fuck off.
November 6, 2025 at 3:55 PM
You know, as a gardening professional, it's that time of year when people ask me "Chris, what's your favourite autumn leaf?" and I always give them the same answer....
Fuck off.
Fuck off.
Remember, remember, the fifth of November,
Cider, sausages and setting fire to shit.
Cider, sausages and setting fire to shit.
November 5, 2025 at 5:09 PM
Remember, remember, the fifth of November,
Cider, sausages and setting fire to shit.
Cider, sausages and setting fire to shit.
Reposted by Chris
*approaching cheese section in supermarket* oh I see. The fucking part timers have turned up because it's Christmas. Fuck you. Fuck YOU. I'm here getting stilton every damn day of the year and you useless fucks come along in November and want fucking APRICOTS in it. You SAVAGES. You SCUM.
November 4, 2025 at 6:58 PM
*approaching cheese section in supermarket* oh I see. The fucking part timers have turned up because it's Christmas. Fuck you. Fuck YOU. I'm here getting stilton every damn day of the year and you useless fucks come along in November and want fucking APRICOTS in it. You SAVAGES. You SCUM.
This account smells like..
Scotch egg and Guinness farts
Scotch egg and Guinness farts
This account smells like...
Seaside chips and cut grass.
Seaside chips and cut grass.
This account smells like...
Mischief and Galaxy Chocolate
Mischief and Galaxy Chocolate
November 4, 2025 at 2:48 PM
This account smells like..
Scotch egg and Guinness farts
Scotch egg and Guinness farts
Reposted by Chris
Reposted by Chris
Things we did: Built this city. Shot the sheriff.
Things we didn’t do: Start the fire. Shoot the deputy.
Things we want to do: Break free. Know what love is.
Things we will do: Rock you. Anything for love.
Things we won’t do: THAT
Things we didn’t do: Start the fire. Shoot the deputy.
Things we want to do: Break free. Know what love is.
Things we will do: Rock you. Anything for love.
Things we won’t do: THAT
November 3, 2025 at 4:24 PM
Things we did: Built this city. Shot the sheriff.
Things we didn’t do: Start the fire. Shoot the deputy.
Things we want to do: Break free. Know what love is.
Things we will do: Rock you. Anything for love.
Things we won’t do: THAT
Things we didn’t do: Start the fire. Shoot the deputy.
Things we want to do: Break free. Know what love is.
Things we will do: Rock you. Anything for love.
Things we won’t do: THAT
It's 4th of November and the van is showing 16C and I'm thinking of having my jumper off.
Stupid.
Stupid.
November 4, 2025 at 11:28 AM
It's 4th of November and the van is showing 16C and I'm thinking of having my jumper off.
Stupid.
Stupid.