Schmuck In A Truck
schmuckinatruck.bsky.social
Schmuck In A Truck
@schmuckinatruck.bsky.social
schmuchonahorse on Twitter. Named the account here what I should have over there at the start.
For all you know, your toilet is a sentient being, and just as sick of your shit as the rest of us,
August 18, 2025 at 10:41 PM
The person you are when your dog licks his ass in front of guests is the real you.
August 18, 2025 at 10:41 PM
What if that dream you had as a kid where your dad was burying the babysitter in the yard wasn't a dream at all?
August 18, 2025 at 10:40 PM
You look like the kind of guy that posts a thumbs-up pic in Teams while your wife is in labor.
August 18, 2025 at 10:39 PM
If I ever die with a raging boner, I hope the EMTs hang a little flag off of it to lighten the mood.

At half staff, of course.
August 18, 2025 at 10:39 PM
I don't know who needs to hear this, but adopting a dog is cheaper than therapy.
August 18, 2025 at 10:35 PM
If it's not from the Tarifa region of Spain, it's just a sparkling import tax on your own people.
March 14, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Find you a girl who'll love you more for saving 50% by buying her chocolates tomorrow.
February 15, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Reposted by Schmuck In A Truck
my mom refers to crying as “squirting” and I, oh my god.....can you tell her
February 12, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Reposted by Schmuck In A Truck
i saw my wife eating grape nuts with my ice cream eating spoon and i’m having a hard time with it. that spoon is for fun only
February 12, 2025 at 12:40 PM
People that open the microwave early and don't clear the timer are why we can't have nice things.
February 12, 2025 at 5:21 PM
Autocorrect changed it to "Good Moron" and I left it that way because it knows my true feelings about the recipient.
February 12, 2025 at 5:20 PM
Ahab was right. That stupid fish had it coming.
February 9, 2025 at 5:44 PM
Don't order the Chef's Surprise from a waiter wearing a trench coat.
February 9, 2025 at 5:44 PM
Reposted by Schmuck In A Truck
who called it girl dinner and not the female graze.
February 3, 2025 at 3:07 PM
The Cheesecake Factory doesn't look like a factory at all.
February 3, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Pizza is a vibe. Pasta is a mood. Parmesan is forever.
February 2, 2025 at 9:40 PM
Reposted by Schmuck In A Truck
if i could save time in a butthole 🎶
February 1, 2025 at 1:56 AM
Reposted by Schmuck In A Truck
my toxic trait is correcting people when they say less instead of fewer
January 31, 2025 at 11:59 PM
They're so thicc that they should be called manatease.
January 31, 2025 at 4:04 PM
If I tell you to back that ass up, please don't make the beeping noises.
January 29, 2025 at 3:15 PM
There are lots of things I find to be detestable that people enjoy. They're all wrong, of course.
January 28, 2025 at 4:55 PM
Apparently, they don't do digital prostate exams anymore, so I waxed my pooper for nothing.
January 28, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Reposted by Schmuck In A Truck
[1978]

ME: Do you think I could be president?

MY DAD: Sure, anyone can. You just have to work hard, be honest, focus on your education and always put other people's needs and interests ahead of your own.

[2025]

MY SON: Do you think I could be president?

ME: Sure, anyone can.
January 24, 2025 at 7:27 PM
Reposted by Schmuck In A Truck
hot writers near you want to debate the merits of the oxford comma
January 24, 2025 at 4:29 PM