Jesse Hassenger
@rockmarooned.bsky.social
Writer & editor & stuff.
I feel like ENCANTO, one of the best Disney song scores with a terrific emotional hook, should be able to beat a difficult adaptation job (that Walt himself wasn't all that fond of, IIRC!) pretty handily! And I'm not just saying that because I know Lin from college!!
Today in the first round of the Walt Disney Animation Studios bracket, we must either talk about the dreaded Bruno, or support a truly mad tea party. Which film moves on?
1️⃣ <a href="https://poll.blue/p/6yYJU2/1" class="hover:underline text-blue-600 dark:text-sky-400 no-card-link" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-link="bsky">Encanto
2️⃣ <a href="https://poll.blue/p/6yYJU2/2" class="hover:underline text-blue-600 dark:text-sky-400 no-card-link" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-link="bsky">Alice in Wonderland
📊 Show results
1️⃣ <a href="https://poll.blue/p/6yYJU2/1" class="hover:underline text-blue-600 dark:text-sky-400 no-card-link" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-link="bsky">Encanto
2️⃣ <a href="https://poll.blue/p/6yYJU2/2" class="hover:underline text-blue-600 dark:text-sky-400 no-card-link" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-link="bsky">Alice in Wonderland
📊 Show results
January 18, 2026 at 6:11 PM
I feel like ENCANTO, one of the best Disney song scores with a terrific emotional hook, should be able to beat a difficult adaptation job (that Walt himself wasn't all that fond of, IIRC!) pretty handily! And I'm not just saying that because I know Lin from college!!
I catch juuuuust enough terrible YouTube stuff from my kid (who thankfully talks like a person) that I can attest to its accuracy and find it funny but sometimes it does cross the line into just doing a thing that a lot of people do that is annoying.
Snackhomiez might as well be in a foreign language. #SNL
January 18, 2026 at 4:17 PM
I catch juuuuust enough terrible YouTube stuff from my kid (who thankfully talks like a person) that I can attest to its accuracy and find it funny but sometimes it does cross the line into just doing a thing that a lot of people do that is annoying.
BOB'S BURGERS S1: Hey this new Fox cartoon is pretty funny.
BOB'S BURGERS S8: Jesus, that show has been going this whole time??!?
BOB'S BURGERS S16: I find the relationship between Zeke and Jimmy Jr strangely touching. Tina is a good role model in many ways. I would die for Teddy.
BOB'S BURGERS S8: Jesus, that show has been going this whole time??!?
BOB'S BURGERS S16: I find the relationship between Zeke and Jimmy Jr strangely touching. Tina is a good role model in many ways. I would die for Teddy.
January 18, 2026 at 12:52 AM
BOB'S BURGERS S1: Hey this new Fox cartoon is pretty funny.
BOB'S BURGERS S8: Jesus, that show has been going this whole time??!?
BOB'S BURGERS S16: I find the relationship between Zeke and Jimmy Jr strangely touching. Tina is a good role model in many ways. I would die for Teddy.
BOB'S BURGERS S8: Jesus, that show has been going this whole time??!?
BOB'S BURGERS S16: I find the relationship between Zeke and Jimmy Jr strangely touching. Tina is a good role model in many ways. I would die for Teddy.
Yes yes, The Strokes and what have you...the band that evokes early 2000s NYC most vividly for me is Bishop Allen.
January 17, 2026 at 4:58 AM
Yes yes, The Strokes and what have you...the band that evokes early 2000s NYC most vividly for me is Bishop Allen.
The best movie out this weekend, among those I've seen anyway, is 28 YEARS LATER: THE BONE TEMPLE. I like the previous entry more but this is still strong stuff. Nia DaCosta's best movie so far? Reviewed it for the A.V. Club: www.avclub.com/28-years-lat...
A showstopping Ralph Fiennes keeps the offbeat horror of 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple alive
28 Years Later: The Bone Temple isn't as stylish as its predecessor, but Nia DaCosta's entertaining sequel is still worthwhile.
www.avclub.com
January 16, 2026 at 5:19 PM
The best movie out this weekend, among those I've seen anyway, is 28 YEARS LATER: THE BONE TEMPLE. I like the previous entry more but this is still strong stuff. Nia DaCosta's best movie so far? Reviewed it for the A.V. Club: www.avclub.com/28-years-lat...
Had a Letterboxd follower mini-bump so I did my little detective work to find someone on the reddit recommended me (among others) as a good follow. But unlike other social media there isn't a way to do a simple "welcome/sorry!" post so my Hold Steady-quoting KILLER WHALE entry will have to suffice!
January 15, 2026 at 6:34 PM
Had a Letterboxd follower mini-bump so I did my little detective work to find someone on the reddit recommended me (among others) as a good follow. But unlike other social media there isn't a way to do a simple "welcome/sorry!" post so my Hold Steady-quoting KILLER WHALE entry will have to suffice!
Probably X-Men: The Last Stand, both in being sure I've seen it at least four times and being sure that it's very bad, not just misguided
What is the movie you have seen the most times that you would say you do NOT like?
January 15, 2026 at 5:56 PM
Probably X-Men: The Last Stand, both in being sure I've seen it at least four times and being sure that it's very bad, not just misguided
For Your Consideration: Kristen Dunst! Ralph Fiennes! Keanu Reeves! Jeffrey Wright! VARANG! and more! www.theguardian.com/film/2026/ja...
From Ralph Fiennes to Jeffrey Wright: the most overlooked performances this awards season
Jessie Buckley and Timothée Chalamet might be winning all of the awards but as Oscar voting begins, these actors also deserve inclusion
www.theguardian.com
January 15, 2026 at 3:11 PM
For Your Consideration: Kristen Dunst! Ralph Fiennes! Keanu Reeves! Jeffrey Wright! VARANG! and more! www.theguardian.com/film/2026/ja...
I guess I'm more of a Star Wars revolutionary in that I think Han/Luke/Leia/Vader belong in those first three movies rather than every fucking piece of Star Wars media subsequent. I love Star Wars and could not be less interested in what's up with Luke Skywalker. www.latimes.com/travel/story...
Disneyland is pivoting on 'Star Wars' Land. Here's why
Kylo Ren is out and Darth Vader is in. Galaxy's Edge changes course to spotlight "classic 'Star Wars.’"
www.latimes.com
January 14, 2026 at 9:38 PM
I guess I'm more of a Star Wars revolutionary in that I think Han/Luke/Leia/Vader belong in those first three movies rather than every fucking piece of Star Wars media subsequent. I love Star Wars and could not be less interested in what's up with Luke Skywalker. www.latimes.com/travel/story...
This is how I announce my new job as president of Hasbro gizmodo.com/star-wars-bl...
Hell Yeah, an Action Figure Wave of 'Star Wars' Freaks
Dad, Taun We's here—as a 'Star Wars' Black Series action figure.
gizmodo.com
January 14, 2026 at 3:08 PM
This is how I announce my new job as president of Hasbro gizmodo.com/star-wars-bl...
28 YEARS LATER: THE BONE TEMPLE doesn't quite reach its predecessor's height in style or emotion, but in tunes and blood and Ralph Fiennes, it's got you covered. www.avclub.com/28-years-lat...
A showstopping Ralph Fiennes keeps the offbeat horror of 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple alive
28 Years Later: The Bone Temple isn't as stylish as its predecessor, but Nia DaCosta's entertaining sequel is still worthwhile.
www.avclub.com
January 13, 2026 at 10:02 PM
28 YEARS LATER: THE BONE TEMPLE doesn't quite reach its predecessor's height in style or emotion, but in tunes and blood and Ralph Fiennes, it's got you covered. www.avclub.com/28-years-lat...
The landmark 500th (ish?) episode of THE NEW FLESH features returning fave @aadowd.bsky.social talking about PRIMATE, the new rabid-chimp movie that is currently the top-grossing release of 2026! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/p...
Primate (ft. A.A. Dowd)
Podcast Episode · The New Flesh Horror Movies Horror News Scary Movie · 01/12/2026 · 1h 11m
podcasts.apple.com
January 12, 2026 at 2:32 PM
The landmark 500th (ish?) episode of THE NEW FLESH features returning fave @aadowd.bsky.social talking about PRIMATE, the new rabid-chimp movie that is currently the top-grossing release of 2026! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/p...
I agree that it's an absurd not-even-half measure to say ICEes need more training but OTOH maybe that would actually put most of them out of commission?
January 11, 2026 at 9:48 PM
I agree that it's an absurd not-even-half measure to say ICEes need more training but OTOH maybe that would actually put most of them out of commission?
You can tell the Williamsburg claw machine arcade is a little generous because I managed to win a new son (and my more skilled family won the stuff on the right).
January 10, 2026 at 6:21 PM
You can tell the Williamsburg claw machine arcade is a little generous because I managed to win a new son (and my more skilled family won the stuff on the right).
I saw an interview with Carrie Coon where she copped to reading reviews of her work which made me extremely self-conscious about this www.theguardian.com/stage/2026/j...
Bug review – Carrie Coon brings intensity to paranoid Tracy Letts revival
Samuel J Friedman Theatre, New YorkThe White Lotus and Gilded Age actor takes on her real-life husband Tracy Letts’ 1996 thriller, which could have afforded some modern-day tweaks
www.theguardian.com
January 10, 2026 at 3:42 PM
I saw an interview with Carrie Coon where she copped to reading reviews of her work which made me extremely self-conscious about this www.theguardian.com/stage/2026/j...
Still pulling for the secret 11th episode of TEENAGE BOUNTY HUNTERS
January 8, 2026 at 4:01 AM
Still pulling for the secret 11th episode of TEENAGE BOUNTY HUNTERS
Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
losing my mind at the "she should have followed directions" people
really? really? you're cool with "if you don't follow directions, they get to kill you"? that seems like a good state of affairs to you? that seems like how law enforcement ought to work: instant obeisance or death?
really? really? you're cool with "if you don't follow directions, they get to kill you"? that seems like a good state of affairs to you? that seems like how law enforcement ought to work: instant obeisance or death?
January 7, 2026 at 6:25 PM
losing my mind at the "she should have followed directions" people
really? really? you're cool with "if you don't follow directions, they get to kill you"? that seems like a good state of affairs to you? that seems like how law enforcement ought to work: instant obeisance or death?
really? really? you're cool with "if you don't follow directions, they get to kill you"? that seems like a good state of affairs to you? that seems like how law enforcement ought to work: instant obeisance or death?
Happy birthday to BLOODRAYNE! I just saw it for the first time! No arguments here from anyone who wants to call it one of the worst to ever do it! www.polygon.com/20-years-ago...
20 years ago, an unwatchable vampire thriller finally killed Hollywood's worst habit for good
BloodRayne is awful... and also maybe one of Uwe Boll's best?
www.polygon.com
January 7, 2026 at 4:43 PM
Happy birthday to BLOODRAYNE! I just saw it for the first time! No arguments here from anyone who wants to call it one of the worst to ever do it! www.polygon.com/20-years-ago...
First theater movie of '26
January 2, 2026 at 5:50 PM
First theater movie of '26
If anyone is interested in my picks for the 15 worst movies of 2025 (because I am benevolent, I did not do 20), an annotated guide is up at my Substack bsquad.substack.com/p/the-worst-...
The Worst Movies of 2025
Cruel to be kind?
bsquad.substack.com
January 2, 2026 at 12:28 AM
If anyone is interested in my picks for the 15 worst movies of 2025 (because I am benevolent, I did not do 20), an annotated guide is up at my Substack bsquad.substack.com/p/the-worst-...
The idea that Thanos is the real protagonist of Infinity War is easily one of the dumbest lies that the MCU packaged for its truest-believer fans to disseminate.
January 1, 2026 at 8:41 PM
The idea that Thanos is the real protagonist of Infinity War is easily one of the dumbest lies that the MCU packaged for its truest-believer fans to disseminate.
2016 / (almost) 2026
January 1, 2026 at 12:27 AM
2016 / (almost) 2026
My year-end stats are sort of an exercise in swinging from pride to shame. I saw 219 movies in theaters! (🫡) I watched 516 movies in total. (I should probably read more.) I had pieces at 10 different outlets! The total number of pieces actually kinda makes me feel like a churn-rate hack.
December 31, 2025 at 10:46 PM
My year-end stats are sort of an exercise in swinging from pride to shame. I saw 219 movies in theaters! (🫡) I watched 516 movies in total. (I should probably read more.) I had pieces at 10 different outlets! The total number of pieces actually kinda makes me feel like a churn-rate hack.
Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
Once, when my daughter was a toddler, she put on my shoes, walked down the hall, and called out, "Hey Jesse, I'm taking a shower." It's the hardest I've ever been roasted.
What's an insult you'll never forget?
December 26, 2025 at 5:00 PM
Once, when my daughter was a toddler, she put on my shoes, walked down the hall, and called out, "Hey Jesse, I'm taking a shower." It's the hardest I've ever been roasted.
Here it is... the 10-year-old's ranked list of the 33 new releases she saw in theaters throughout 2025.
December 26, 2025 at 2:56 PM
Here it is... the 10-year-old's ranked list of the 33 new releases she saw in theaters throughout 2025.