River
@riversoul.bsky.social
Reposted by River
Democrats Condemn ICE For Murdering Without Proper Warrants
Democrats Condemn ICE For Murdering Without Proper Warrants
WASHINGTON—In a statement calling for more guardrails around ongoing immigration operations, Democrats in the U.S. House of Representatives publicly condemned Immigration and Customs Enforcement Thurs...
theonion.com
January 25, 2026 at 5:00 PM
Democrats Condemn ICE For Murdering Without Proper Warrants
genuinely thought for a moment our local weather station was warning us about Incoming Cruel Extorters but nah it’s just freezing weather like what killed ERCOT in 2021
January 20, 2026 at 5:39 PM
genuinely thought for a moment our local weather station was warning us about Incoming Cruel Extorters but nah it’s just freezing weather like what killed ERCOT in 2021
Reposted by River
Archaeologists: D.C. Capitol May Have Once Been Used For Legislating https://theonion.com/archaeologists-d-c-capitol-may-have-once-been-used-for-legislating/
January 12, 2026 at 4:45 PM
Archaeologists: D.C. Capitol May Have Once Been Used For Legislating https://theonion.com/archaeologists-d-c-capitol-may-have-once-been-used-for-legislating/
Reposted by River
One thing you don’t see enough of is stand up comics doing a show or fundraiser or whatever where they follow each other bc if you could see Wanda Sykes go before or after Bill Maher then he would not be able to call himself a comedian anymore
January 12, 2026 at 6:20 PM
One thing you don’t see enough of is stand up comics doing a show or fundraiser or whatever where they follow each other bc if you could see Wanda Sykes go before or after Bill Maher then he would not be able to call himself a comedian anymore
do you wanna get drunk and sample all of the nespresso options in one evening or are you chicken
January 11, 2026 at 6:07 AM
do you wanna get drunk and sample all of the nespresso options in one evening or are you chicken
Going to your local bar when none of the bartenders you know are working feels like going to an amusement park where everything is closed except the train
January 11, 2026 at 5:23 AM
Going to your local bar when none of the bartenders you know are working feels like going to an amusement park where everything is closed except the train
Reposted by River
if everything and everyone could stop sucking for like 15 seconds that would be so fucking cool
January 10, 2026 at 7:58 PM
if everything and everyone could stop sucking for like 15 seconds that would be so fucking cool
Drinking margaritas at my local bar and I swear it smells like instant ramen in here and the bartender insisted it was a… cinnamon apple candle?
January 11, 2026 at 4:26 AM
Drinking margaritas at my local bar and I swear it smells like instant ramen in here and the bartender insisted it was a… cinnamon apple candle?
Reposted by River
Caleb Williams Signals Boisterous Chicago Home Crowd To Eat Less Loudly https://theonion.com/caleb-williams-signals-boisterous-chicago-home-crowd-to-eat-less-loudly/
January 11, 2026 at 1:02 AM
Caleb Williams Signals Boisterous Chicago Home Crowd To Eat Less Loudly https://theonion.com/caleb-williams-signals-boisterous-chicago-home-crowd-to-eat-less-loudly/
Reposted by River
Obey in advance. Come try our new jalapeño poppers.
January 10, 2026 at 10:19 PM
Obey in advance. Come try our new jalapeño poppers.
@lordravenscraft.bsky.social some helpful cooking instructions for your hobbit stew
![Comic. [Instructions on package] High Altitude Cooking Instructions: 3,500-6,500 ft: Add ½ cup water, increase cook time to 12 minutes. 6,500-9,500 ft: Add ¼ cups water, increase cook time to 18 minutes. 250,000-450,000 ft: Orient reentry vehicle for aerodynamic stability. Deploy parachutes at 10,000 ft. Descend, keeping crew capsule tightly covered, for 3-4 minutes. After splashdown, follow sea level cooking instructions.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreibv5te47jncpebx4vihxhudiyzveoxffo5234lpanhsp2aq3lrb5a@jpeg)
January 1, 2026 at 3:21 PM
@lordravenscraft.bsky.social some helpful cooking instructions for your hobbit stew
Reposted by River
I am gonna make it through this year if it kills Smee
December 31, 2025 at 11:28 PM
I am gonna make it through this year if it kills Smee
Happy new year! One of the bar patrons seems excited to wait another year for GTA VI
January 1, 2026 at 6:01 AM
Happy new year! One of the bar patrons seems excited to wait another year for GTA VI
I’ve written this poem countless times, but
it keeps holding the same flame at its core -
You have taught me love, and
I hope I have taught it in return.
it keeps holding the same flame at its core -
You have taught me love, and
I hope I have taught it in return.
December 24, 2025 at 7:17 AM
I’ve written this poem countless times, but
it keeps holding the same flame at its core -
You have taught me love, and
I hope I have taught it in return.
it keeps holding the same flame at its core -
You have taught me love, and
I hope I have taught it in return.
Reposted by River
Don't let people enjoy things. If someone enjoys something you don't, they're wrong. Also you're wrong for thinking they're wrong. Also the thing itself is wrong. Everyone go to jail
December 16, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Don't let people enjoy things. If someone enjoys something you don't, they're wrong. Also you're wrong for thinking they're wrong. Also the thing itself is wrong. Everyone go to jail
Reposted by River
Reposted by River
Instead of Elf On The Shelf, we are featuring Cthulhu In The Loo. Wash your hands, or face the unspeakable terror of the lord of the lightless abyss.
December 15, 2025 at 10:20 PM
Instead of Elf On The Shelf, we are featuring Cthulhu In The Loo. Wash your hands, or face the unspeakable terror of the lord of the lightless abyss.
I’m admittedly terrible with faces. I thought Michael Rooker and Woody Harrelson were the same guy. These photos really don’t help my case at all.
December 14, 2025 at 9:09 PM
I’m admittedly terrible with faces. I thought Michael Rooker and Woody Harrelson were the same guy. These photos really don’t help my case at all.
Being bisexual and polyamorous is fun because you can match with your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend on a dating app and then panic when she messages you because it wasn’t supposed to go THAT far
December 13, 2025 at 4:52 PM
Being bisexual and polyamorous is fun because you can match with your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend on a dating app and then panic when she messages you because it wasn’t supposed to go THAT far
This is the best thing I’ve ever seen
December 11, 2025 at 1:57 AM
This is the best thing I’ve ever seen
“do it for the plot” i say as i continue to be a menace only to myself
December 10, 2025 at 4:20 PM
“do it for the plot” i say as i continue to be a menace only to myself
Reposted by River
My new song is now streaming everywhere! Santa, if you’re up there, all I’m asking for this year is a lucrative international holiday hit. Sincerely, signed Bradley. PS: like as big or bigger than Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ thank you love ya distrokid.com/hyperfollow/...
December 10, 2025 at 3:38 PM
My new song is now streaming everywhere! Santa, if you’re up there, all I’m asking for this year is a lucrative international holiday hit. Sincerely, signed Bradley. PS: like as big or bigger than Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ thank you love ya distrokid.com/hyperfollow/...
I own a humidifier with a large reservoir. I think it takes too long to fill. I also own a rubber band and have a sink with the spray-thing. So, naturally, I spent the time it took to fill the reservoir trying to get the rubber band to keep the sprayer on while not falling out of the reservoir.
December 9, 2025 at 2:35 AM
I own a humidifier with a large reservoir. I think it takes too long to fill. I also own a rubber band and have a sink with the spray-thing. So, naturally, I spent the time it took to fill the reservoir trying to get the rubber band to keep the sprayer on while not falling out of the reservoir.
I drew a bath for myself last night and got so high I forgot about it and the tub is still full. And still full of bubbles. I don’t want to drain it - it’s art now
November 23, 2025 at 9:05 PM
I drew a bath for myself last night and got so high I forgot about it and the tub is still full. And still full of bubbles. I don’t want to drain it - it’s art now
really want a bumper sticker that says “if you’re gonna ride my ass this hard, at least get some lube first”
November 17, 2025 at 11:36 PM
really want a bumper sticker that says “if you’re gonna ride my ass this hard, at least get some lube first”