Matt Storrs
@mattstorrs.bsky.social
Humor Person / Featured in Newsweek, NPR, PBS / Books Read This Year: 26
Reposted by Matt Storrs
THIS SATURDAY! 5PM! I’m performing with a great lineup on How Was It? at QED! Hosted by @mattstorrs.bsky.social! $5 tickets! See you at the show!
November 10, 2025 at 3:58 PM
THIS SATURDAY! 5PM! I’m performing with a great lineup on How Was It? at QED! Hosted by @mattstorrs.bsky.social! $5 tickets! See you at the show!
Since the Cubs lost, Chicagoans have nothing left to keep them going except looking out for their neighbors. Doesn't look good for ICE
October 12, 2025 at 3:17 AM
Since the Cubs lost, Chicagoans have nothing left to keep them going except looking out for their neighbors. Doesn't look good for ICE
Reposted by Matt Storrs
I love this image.
October 10, 2025 at 11:22 PM
I love this image.
If you don’t pay a guy who isn’t tall and who cooks in a restaurant you short a short short order cook.
October 11, 2025 at 2:17 AM
If you don’t pay a guy who isn’t tall and who cooks in a restaurant you short a short short order cook.
One good thing about the impending government shutdown is I'll have way more time to restore the sword I found on the street.
September 30, 2025 at 11:44 PM
One good thing about the impending government shutdown is I'll have way more time to restore the sword I found on the street.
What the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City can teach us about different warload leadership styles
a woman says let 's do it yassss while standing in a living room
ALT: a woman says let 's do it yassss while standing in a living room
media.tenor.com
September 27, 2025 at 2:20 AM
What the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City can teach us about different warload leadership styles
Have you ever wanted to see who would win in a fight: Wallace Shawn or Todd Barry? Then the movie Vamps is for you.
September 27, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Have you ever wanted to see who would win in a fight: Wallace Shawn or Todd Barry? Then the movie Vamps is for you.
What I love about the movie Vamps is that it feels like a bunch of actors who live in the same Manhattan high-rise all got together to make a movie.
September 27, 2025 at 12:56 AM
What I love about the movie Vamps is that it feels like a bunch of actors who live in the same Manhattan high-rise all got together to make a movie.
I’m convinced the “Live in Ohio” ads from 2022 were a direct result of the bad press created by Meredith’s husband to Ohio’s reputation during The Real Housewives of SLC
September 22, 2025 at 1:45 AM
I’m convinced the “Live in Ohio” ads from 2022 were a direct result of the bad press created by Meredith’s husband to Ohio’s reputation during The Real Housewives of SLC
Polycules are like multilevel marketing schemes. If I'm invited to join, it means they're about to collapse, and a Netflix documentary is forthcoming.
September 6, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Polycules are like multilevel marketing schemes. If I'm invited to join, it means they're about to collapse, and a Netflix documentary is forthcoming.
The Dremel tool really helped me remove rust from the sword I found on the street
August 31, 2025 at 9:24 PM
The Dremel tool really helped me remove rust from the sword I found on the street
Even Snakes need a good lawyer
Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater
Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater
August 29, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Even Snakes need a good lawyer
Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater
Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater
I will not stand for this Snuggie slander in Alien Earth
August 27, 2025 at 1:34 AM
I will not stand for this Snuggie slander in Alien Earth
A text I just sent:
I wanted to see if you might have a dremel tool or sander that I might be able to borrow to better clean the rusty street sword I found.
I wanted to see if you might have a dremel tool or sander that I might be able to borrow to better clean the rusty street sword I found.
August 26, 2025 at 3:08 PM
A text I just sent:
I wanted to see if you might have a dremel tool or sander that I might be able to borrow to better clean the rusty street sword I found.
I wanted to see if you might have a dremel tool or sander that I might be able to borrow to better clean the rusty street sword I found.
Burning the flag is the best way to dispose of it
August 25, 2025 at 9:33 PM
Burning the flag is the best way to dispose of it
Reposted by Matt Storrs
Oh hey!
Relationshit, my storytelling and onstage therapy show with real therapists is happening this Saturday the 23rd at 5pm at QED in Astoria!
Featuring:
David Lawson
@mattstorrs.bsky.social
@maxfine.bsky.social
Wilson McDermut
AND MORE?!
qedastoria.com/products/rel...
Relationshit, my storytelling and onstage therapy show with real therapists is happening this Saturday the 23rd at 5pm at QED in Astoria!
Featuring:
David Lawson
@mattstorrs.bsky.social
@maxfine.bsky.social
Wilson McDermut
AND MORE?!
qedastoria.com/products/rel...
Relationsh*t!
Hosted by Lynn Bixenspan and Morgan Pielli, Relationshit features a mix of stories about all kinds of relationships and good old-fashioned new-fangled advice from REAL-LIFE THERAPISTS ONSTAGE. Featuri...
qedastoria.com
August 19, 2025 at 8:27 PM
Oh hey!
Relationshit, my storytelling and onstage therapy show with real therapists is happening this Saturday the 23rd at 5pm at QED in Astoria!
Featuring:
David Lawson
@mattstorrs.bsky.social
@maxfine.bsky.social
Wilson McDermut
AND MORE?!
qedastoria.com/products/rel...
Relationshit, my storytelling and onstage therapy show with real therapists is happening this Saturday the 23rd at 5pm at QED in Astoria!
Featuring:
David Lawson
@mattstorrs.bsky.social
@maxfine.bsky.social
Wilson McDermut
AND MORE?!
qedastoria.com/products/rel...
If you could pick 3 movies to make the worst movie marathon what would you choose? Mine are:
1. Highlander 2: The Quickening
2. Pride & Prejudice: A Latter-Day Comedy
3. Megalopolis
What are yours?
1. Highlander 2: The Quickening
2. Pride & Prejudice: A Latter-Day Comedy
3. Megalopolis
What are yours?
August 19, 2025 at 1:44 AM
If you could pick 3 movies to make the worst movie marathon what would you choose? Mine are:
1. Highlander 2: The Quickening
2. Pride & Prejudice: A Latter-Day Comedy
3. Megalopolis
What are yours?
1. Highlander 2: The Quickening
2. Pride & Prejudice: A Latter-Day Comedy
3. Megalopolis
What are yours?
My new go-to excuse for being late is “Sorry, I was learning close-up magic.”
August 15, 2025 at 5:22 PM
My new go-to excuse for being late is “Sorry, I was learning close-up magic.”
With the NFL cracking down on smelling salts, this is an embarrassing time to think poppers and smelling salts are the same thing.
I seriously thought they were doing poppers on the sidelines.
I seriously thought they were doing poppers on the sidelines.
August 10, 2025 at 2:55 AM
With the NFL cracking down on smelling salts, this is an embarrassing time to think poppers and smelling salts are the same thing.
I seriously thought they were doing poppers on the sidelines.
I seriously thought they were doing poppers on the sidelines.
The person that came up with the phrase “it's the thought that counts” definitely had ADHD.
August 2, 2025 at 2:29 AM
The person that came up with the phrase “it's the thought that counts” definitely had ADHD.
Some comedians like to do shows on the road. Me, I like to go on the road so long as it’s the same weekend as a craft fair that's within driving distance.
July 26, 2025 at 3:11 AM
Some comedians like to do shows on the road. Me, I like to go on the road so long as it’s the same weekend as a craft fair that's within driving distance.
A lot of you didn't get to have amoxicillin in bubblegum flavor and it shows.
July 24, 2025 at 1:57 AM
A lot of you didn't get to have amoxicillin in bubblegum flavor and it shows.
Remember, anyone who tells you that “there's more than one way to skin a cat” has skinned at LEAST two cats. They are not to be trusted.
July 23, 2025 at 7:38 PM
Remember, anyone who tells you that “there's more than one way to skin a cat” has skinned at LEAST two cats. They are not to be trusted.
The real villain in Gotham is inaccessibility.
We have hundreds of former henchmen with serious lasting injuries.
We need a need more ramps not more Batman lamps!
We have hundreds of former henchmen with serious lasting injuries.
We need a need more ramps not more Batman lamps!
July 21, 2025 at 12:08 PM
The real villain in Gotham is inaccessibility.
We have hundreds of former henchmen with serious lasting injuries.
We need a need more ramps not more Batman lamps!
We have hundreds of former henchmen with serious lasting injuries.
We need a need more ramps not more Batman lamps!