Matt Nelsen
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mattnelsen.com
Matt Nelsen
@mattnelsen.com
Featherless biped
Anti-Maga
Cocoa Beach, Florida
Kayaking, canoeing, paddling
Liverpool FC, Houston Astros, Texas Aggies

I have friends everywhere
While tech companies say that AI can replace your doctor, lawyer and priest, not a single one of them has made a peep about using AI to solve the air traffic control crisis. Why would these clever people who regularly jet around the world not want their brilliant product keeping us safe in the air?
October 29, 2025 at 1:28 PM
Next up: Draft Kings sponsorships on referee uniforms
Excuse me? So the company the President currently owns is teaming up with a cryptocurrency company to create a prediction market, which will take bets... on things the President himself has quite a lot of control over?

Gosh, I'm sure nothing bad will happen.

www.ft.com/content/4855...
October 29, 2025 at 1:06 PM
Seen on Beltway 8 in Houston
October 24, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Reposted by Matt Nelsen
Kash Patel is the literal actual platonic ideal of poker racket mark lmao
October 24, 2025 at 12:02 AM
I guess the Statue of Liberty will be getting a boob job soon
October 24, 2025 at 2:31 AM
Feature request: a temporary mute button that remembers that I muted someone before and increases the duration of the mute each time until repeat offenders go away forever
October 23, 2025 at 12:25 PM
Here's my favorite from #nokings in Cocoa, Florida today
October 19, 2025 at 1:22 AM
Reposted by Matt Nelsen
Scott Bessent looks like the bastard love child of Will Ferrell's Harry Caray and Dana Carvey's Church Lady
May 7, 2025 at 3:44 PM
Honestly kind of surprised that Trump hasn't tried to seize control of the Allstate Good Hands Field Goal Scholarship program yet
October 5, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Has noted free speech absolutist Elon Musk had anything to say about Kimmel's cancellation?
September 18, 2025 at 3:57 PM
It's starting to feel like I already used this same six digit authenticator code to log in at work before
August 28, 2025 at 11:22 AM
"Stalinism with American characteristics"
August 22, 2025 at 2:14 AM
The only place crime is up in DC is around the 1400 block of Pennsylvania Avenue
August 11, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Feels like we're about two to three news cycles from them sending JD Vance out to explain the difference between pedophilia and ephebophilia
July 29, 2025 at 10:59 PM
Having lunch sitting behind a table of Houston Petroleum Wives types and they're pretty sure Trump is on the side of the angels re: the Epstein Files. But... they're still talking about the Epstein Files two weeks after Trump declared it to be a hoax
July 25, 2025 at 6:42 PM
You know that scene in 80s action movies where the guy disassembles and reassembles his gun by touch? That's me with a CPAP machine.
July 21, 2025 at 3:03 AM
I 100% believe that Trump didn't write the Epstein birthday letter as the WSJ described it. Gross yes, but too witty for him.

I 200% believe that when he heard they were collecting letters to be leather bound in a book for his benefactor he hired a professional to write it and signed it himself.
July 19, 2025 at 3:14 AM
Happy Bastille Day!
July 14, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Reposted by Matt Nelsen
HEIL9000
July 9, 2025 at 3:08 PM
Reposted by Matt Nelsen
The American Healthcare Apparatus was designed to determine how sick a person can be and still pay taxes.
July 3, 2025 at 2:40 PM
The Supreme Court is illegitimate
June 27, 2025 at 3:01 PM
Been trying to get through "Mall Is Lost" by Holly Raymond for the last couple of nights but maybe I just don't have it in me to process poetry. Although I really like the first verse in Act I iii "Low-Energy Goblin Chorus, w/ Perfunctory Effort"
June 27, 2025 at 2:20 AM
Welcome to day 13 of Trump's 12 Day War
June 24, 2025 at 11:15 AM
Oh yeah "President Trump to address the nation at 10 pm Saturday night" is really what I was hoping to avoid
June 22, 2025 at 12:50 AM