Martha Kelly
@marthakelly.bsky.social
You might know me from stand up, Baskets, Euphoria, or calling people cunts on Twitter. Sorry.
Reposted by Martha Kelly
What does it mean when your doctors keep insisting you redo the cognitive exam
January 2, 2026 at 2:58 PM
What does it mean when your doctors keep insisting you redo the cognitive exam
Barry getting all his journals and planners organized for 2026
January 2, 2026 at 3:47 PM
Barry getting all his journals and planners organized for 2026
Reposted by Martha Kelly
Strange takes on Mayor Zamdani swearing his oath on the Qu’ran. It has nothing to do with church & state. The point of the oath is for the person swearing in to do so upon some text that is sacred TO THEM. Some Presidents swore in w/o any book. John Quincy Adams was sworn on a law book. His choice.
January 1, 2026 at 11:07 PM
Strange takes on Mayor Zamdani swearing his oath on the Qu’ran. It has nothing to do with church & state. The point of the oath is for the person swearing in to do so upon some text that is sacred TO THEM. Some Presidents swore in w/o any book. John Quincy Adams was sworn on a law book. His choice.
Reposted by Martha Kelly
Mamdani: For too long, those fluent in the good grammar of civility have deployed decorum to mask agendas of cruelty
January 1, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Mamdani: For too long, those fluent in the good grammar of civility have deployed decorum to mask agendas of cruelty
Reposted by Martha Kelly
If you are a resident of California, the state now has a portal where you can demand deletion of your personal data from 500+ registered data brokers with a single request form, for free.
consumer.drop.privacy.ca.gov
consumer.drop.privacy.ca.gov
consumer.drop.privacy.ca.gov
January 2, 2026 at 2:26 AM
If you are a resident of California, the state now has a portal where you can demand deletion of your personal data from 500+ registered data brokers with a single request form, for free.
consumer.drop.privacy.ca.gov
consumer.drop.privacy.ca.gov
Reposted by Martha Kelly
Fuck it I don’t care anymore
January 1, 2026 at 7:01 AM
Fuck it I don’t care anymore
Reposted by Martha Kelly
"Get organized. Set a mental reminder to move the TV remote back to the bottom of the toy box every weekend."
New Year’s Resolutions for Toddlers
1. Finish what you start Resilience is a difficult skill to learn, so work up to it in small doses. Instead of watching the first three seconds of ...
buff.ly
January 1, 2026 at 4:00 PM
"Get organized. Set a mental reminder to move the TV remote back to the bottom of the toy box every weekend."
Reposted by Martha Kelly
🥳 Happy new years!! 2026!!
MELIA's new year goal is to finally have a quiet adult only home surrounded by love. No other dogs. Cats are ok. This beautiful soul deserves for that dream to come true. 🙏💗🙏
Town of Hempstead Animal Shelter
(516) 785-5220
3320 Beltagh Avenue , Unit
Wantagh, NY 11793
MELIA's new year goal is to finally have a quiet adult only home surrounded by love. No other dogs. Cats are ok. This beautiful soul deserves for that dream to come true. 🙏💗🙏
Town of Hempstead Animal Shelter
(516) 785-5220
3320 Beltagh Avenue , Unit
Wantagh, NY 11793
January 1, 2026 at 3:07 PM
🥳 Happy new years!! 2026!!
MELIA's new year goal is to finally have a quiet adult only home surrounded by love. No other dogs. Cats are ok. This beautiful soul deserves for that dream to come true. 🙏💗🙏
Town of Hempstead Animal Shelter
(516) 785-5220
3320 Beltagh Avenue , Unit
Wantagh, NY 11793
MELIA's new year goal is to finally have a quiet adult only home surrounded by love. No other dogs. Cats are ok. This beautiful soul deserves for that dream to come true. 🙏💗🙏
Town of Hempstead Animal Shelter
(516) 785-5220
3320 Beltagh Avenue , Unit
Wantagh, NY 11793
Reposted by Martha Kelly
Mother Jealous After Reading Daughter's Diary https://theonion.com/mother-jealous-after-reading-daughters-diary-1819566661/
January 1, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Mother Jealous After Reading Daughter's Diary https://theonion.com/mother-jealous-after-reading-daughters-diary-1819566661/
Reposted by Martha Kelly
The final Calvin and Hobbes, which appeared in papers 30 years ago today.
December 31, 2025 at 5:00 PM
The final Calvin and Hobbes, which appeared in papers 30 years ago today.
Reposted by Martha Kelly
Sitting pretty, ready for her treat. MELIA will be your best friend. Shes smart, playful, enjoys walks, car rides and she will always be by your side. In return, she needs your love & patience. Adopt her
🏠Town of Hempstead Animal Shelter
☎️516) 785-5220
📍3320 Beltagh Avenue , Unit
Wantagh, NY 11793
🏠Town of Hempstead Animal Shelter
☎️516) 785-5220
📍3320 Beltagh Avenue , Unit
Wantagh, NY 11793
December 31, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Sitting pretty, ready for her treat. MELIA will be your best friend. Shes smart, playful, enjoys walks, car rides and she will always be by your side. In return, she needs your love & patience. Adopt her
🏠Town of Hempstead Animal Shelter
☎️516) 785-5220
📍3320 Beltagh Avenue , Unit
Wantagh, NY 11793
🏠Town of Hempstead Animal Shelter
☎️516) 785-5220
📍3320 Beltagh Avenue , Unit
Wantagh, NY 11793
Reposted by Martha Kelly
The entire reason they’re locked is to prevent weird freaks like this who have no right to be there from marching in and endangering the kids.
CNN: “Surely you don’t think a daycare should be unlocked.”
SHIRLEY: “There should be a reception area.”
CNN: “No, every day care is locked.”
SHIRLEY: “Fair point.” 🤔
He shows up to a day care with masked men and wonders why they don’t let him in.
SHIRLEY: “There should be a reception area.”
CNN: “No, every day care is locked.”
SHIRLEY: “Fair point.” 🤔
He shows up to a day care with masked men and wonders why they don’t let him in.
December 31, 2025 at 7:23 PM
The entire reason they’re locked is to prevent weird freaks like this who have no right to be there from marching in and endangering the kids.
Reposted by Martha Kelly
This is how you do it folks
December 30, 2025 at 4:44 PM
This is how you do it folks
Reposted by Martha Kelly
The J6 Pipe Bomber stated that the reason he placed the pipe bombs at the DNC & RNC because he believed that the 2020 election was stolen, & no one in Congress was taking it seriously.
Now who was the one that kept on saying that the election was stolen??
youtu.be/4xgayuaun2U?...
Now who was the one that kept on saying that the election was stolen??
youtu.be/4xgayuaun2U?...
BREAKING: Justice Department makes BOMBSHELL announcement
YouTube video by Brian Tyler Cohen
youtu.be
December 30, 2025 at 1:47 AM
The J6 Pipe Bomber stated that the reason he placed the pipe bombs at the DNC & RNC because he believed that the 2020 election was stolen, & no one in Congress was taking it seriously.
Now who was the one that kept on saying that the election was stolen??
youtu.be/4xgayuaun2U?...
Now who was the one that kept on saying that the election was stolen??
youtu.be/4xgayuaun2U?...
Reposted by Martha Kelly
NEW: A judge in the Kilmar Abrego case just UNSEALED a Dec 3rd order showing DOJ lied to the court when it said that Blanche's office didn't have anything to do with the decision to prosecute Mr. Abrego. 1/
December 30, 2025 at 9:17 PM
NEW: A judge in the Kilmar Abrego case just UNSEALED a Dec 3rd order showing DOJ lied to the court when it said that Blanche's office didn't have anything to do with the decision to prosecute Mr. Abrego. 1/
Reposted by Martha Kelly
Think I'm going to start a social media campaign arguing that Trump shouldn't be allowed to fire handguns during his Cabinet meetings and see where his reflexive spite takes us.
December 29, 2025 at 1:18 AM
Think I'm going to start a social media campaign arguing that Trump shouldn't be allowed to fire handguns during his Cabinet meetings and see where his reflexive spite takes us.
Reposted by Martha Kelly
reference for the under 40s
"I, ain't going to play Sun City."
"I, ain't going to play Sun City."
Artists United Against Apartheid - Sun City
YouTube video by musicinhistory
youtu.be
December 29, 2025 at 12:25 AM
reference for the under 40s
"I, ain't going to play Sun City."
"I, ain't going to play Sun City."
Reposted by Martha Kelly
Historians: Quibbling Over Exact Definition Of Concentration Camp Sign Of Healthy Society https://theonion.com/historians-quibbling-over-exact-definition-of-concentration-camp-sign-of-healthy-society/
December 28, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Historians: Quibbling Over Exact Definition Of Concentration Camp Sign Of Healthy Society https://theonion.com/historians-quibbling-over-exact-definition-of-concentration-camp-sign-of-healthy-society/
Reposted by Martha Kelly
If the Epstein files have proven anything, it’s that the justice system isn’t broken; it’s working exactly as it was built to do: to shield the rich and powerful from accountability while victims are buried, ignored, or silenced.
December 26, 2025 at 11:25 PM
If the Epstein files have proven anything, it’s that the justice system isn’t broken; it’s working exactly as it was built to do: to shield the rich and powerful from accountability while victims are buried, ignored, or silenced.
Reposted by Martha Kelly
Not to be controversial but I think we should use tools and resources to make people's lives less miserable instead of more
December 27, 2025 at 12:17 AM
Not to be controversial but I think we should use tools and resources to make people's lives less miserable instead of more
Reposted by Martha Kelly
Remember, the Secretary of Transportation is absolutely terrified of this subway system. Just mentioning the ACE line will reduce him to tears.
And yet ...
And yet ...
Freaking love this city and all the people in it so much….a bunch of people went and turned the 4 train into the Polar Express giving out toys to kids along the way from the Bronx to Brooklyn….shoutout to the @newyorkers.live account on IG for doing this 🙏 www.instagram.com/reel/DSnsvWS...
December 26, 2025 at 6:35 PM
Remember, the Secretary of Transportation is absolutely terrified of this subway system. Just mentioning the ACE line will reduce him to tears.
And yet ...
And yet ...
Imagine if literally everything reminded you of how much you hate immigrants. A Christmas special, a box of cereal, your favorite song, putting clothes in the dryer, eating a sandwich - LITERALLY EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME FILLS YOU WITH HATE FOR IMMIGRANTS
December 26, 2025 at 9:03 PM
Imagine if literally everything reminded you of how much you hate immigrants. A Christmas special, a box of cereal, your favorite song, putting clothes in the dryer, eating a sandwich - LITERALLY EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME FILLS YOU WITH HATE FOR IMMIGRANTS
Reposted by Martha Kelly
@dailybeanspod.com
Thank you for mentioning MELIA the shelter dog at Hempstead animal shelter in WANTAGH, New York. I appreciate it so much 🙏
Thank you for mentioning MELIA the shelter dog at Hempstead animal shelter in WANTAGH, New York. I appreciate it so much 🙏
December 26, 2025 at 3:48 AM
@dailybeanspod.com
Thank you for mentioning MELIA the shelter dog at Hempstead animal shelter in WANTAGH, New York. I appreciate it so much 🙏
Thank you for mentioning MELIA the shelter dog at Hempstead animal shelter in WANTAGH, New York. I appreciate it so much 🙏