Lawrence Welp
@lobstrosity.bsky.social
Relax and enjoy the dulcet tones of an anonymous idiot on a new social media platform.
I often have trouble sleeping because I have anxiety.
My girlfriend always tells me "Larry, you look so tired, why don't you just take a nap? It's like rebooting your brain."
I think she just wants to see me look mentally restarted.
My girlfriend always tells me "Larry, you look so tired, why don't you just take a nap? It's like rebooting your brain."
I think she just wants to see me look mentally restarted.
December 10, 2025 at 1:30 AM
I often have trouble sleeping because I have anxiety.
My girlfriend always tells me "Larry, you look so tired, why don't you just take a nap? It's like rebooting your brain."
I think she just wants to see me look mentally restarted.
My girlfriend always tells me "Larry, you look so tired, why don't you just take a nap? It's like rebooting your brain."
I think she just wants to see me look mentally restarted.
I just want you to be happy, so if you do find someone you'd rather be with, I'll officiate at your wedding.
June 30, 2025 at 9:45 PM
I just want you to be happy, so if you do find someone you'd rather be with, I'll officiate at your wedding.
Sorry babe. I'm too busy renovating our home to listen to how much you hate my family.
June 28, 2025 at 7:32 PM
Sorry babe. I'm too busy renovating our home to listen to how much you hate my family.
Taking a contractor-grade dump in the Home Depot bathroom, then using their wifi to post about it to social media.
June 28, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Taking a contractor-grade dump in the Home Depot bathroom, then using their wifi to post about it to social media.
Orcas: Fuck them boats! 😡
Bees: Fuck them throats. 😏
Bees: Fuck them throats. 😏
Billionaire friend, 53, of Prince William dies after swallowing a bee while playing polo www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...
Billionaire friend, 53, of Prince William dies after swallowing a bee
Indian businessman Sunjay Kapur, chairman of global car parts giant Sona Comstar, collapsed while playing polo in England yesterday
www.dailymail.co.uk
June 13, 2025 at 7:36 PM
Orcas: Fuck them boats! 😡
Bees: Fuck them throats. 😏
Bees: Fuck them throats. 😏
She'll do anything* to save our relationship.
*except stop drinking
*except stop drinking
May 18, 2025 at 5:46 PM
She'll do anything* to save our relationship.
*except stop drinking
*except stop drinking
"I'm just a little extra sometimes."
(extra annoying)
(extra annoying)
July 28, 2024 at 4:19 PM
"I'm just a little extra sometimes."
(extra annoying)
(extra annoying)
The worst part of all of this is going to be having to listen to my partner redouble their efforts telling me how fucked we all are.
July 14, 2024 at 3:03 PM
The worst part of all of this is going to be having to listen to my partner redouble their efforts telling me how fucked we all are.
What should you do when reviewing all of the world's problems first thing in the morning energizes you?
What should you do when you live with that person?
What should you do when you live with that person?
July 6, 2024 at 5:20 PM
What should you do when reviewing all of the world's problems first thing in the morning energizes you?
What should you do when you live with that person?
What should you do when you live with that person?
She's a 10, but she'll only eat when served a tiny buffet.
June 22, 2024 at 12:18 AM
She's a 10, but she'll only eat when served a tiny buffet.
Reposted by Lawrence Welp
your honor, have you ever gotten busy in a burger king bathroom
June 15, 2024 at 1:55 AM
your honor, have you ever gotten busy in a burger king bathroom
My ventriloquist act basically consists of me audibly farting while the dog is on my lap.
June 15, 2024 at 12:25 AM
My ventriloquist act basically consists of me audibly farting while the dog is on my lap.
My partner's MacBook Pro apparently has 2 volume settings: mute, and loud as hell.
So anytime they want to take a quick look at a video, it's like it's suddenly Mardi Gras up in here.
So anytime they want to take a quick look at a video, it's like it's suddenly Mardi Gras up in here.
May 12, 2024 at 1:59 AM
My partner's MacBook Pro apparently has 2 volume settings: mute, and loud as hell.
So anytime they want to take a quick look at a video, it's like it's suddenly Mardi Gras up in here.
So anytime they want to take a quick look at a video, it's like it's suddenly Mardi Gras up in here.
This is me. I am an empty food container.
I’ve searched my soul but all I found was empty food containers
March 23, 2024 at 3:26 PM
This is me. I am an empty food container.
If I can't handle you at your worst,
then fuck your best.
then fuck your best.
March 17, 2024 at 8:31 PM
If I can't handle you at your worst,
then fuck your best.
then fuck your best.
I remember seeing someone saying "For 20 bucks I'll comment "Yikes." on your partner's selfie post."
srsly tho
srsly tho
February 29, 2024 at 6:13 PM
I remember seeing someone saying "For 20 bucks I'll comment "Yikes." on your partner's selfie post."
srsly tho
srsly tho
Do you ever find chores to do just so you don't have to listen to your partner talk about politics?
"Yeah, I'm outraged too, but I think it's time to vacuum the entire house again. Love you, bye!"
"Yeah, I'm outraged too, but I think it's time to vacuum the entire house again. Love you, bye!"
February 19, 2024 at 11:56 PM
Do you ever find chores to do just so you don't have to listen to your partner talk about politics?
"Yeah, I'm outraged too, but I think it's time to vacuum the entire house again. Love you, bye!"
"Yeah, I'm outraged too, but I think it's time to vacuum the entire house again. Love you, bye!"
Reposted by Lawrence Welp
more like blahlentines day
February 14, 2024 at 8:49 PM
more like blahlentines day
Reposted by Lawrence Welp
If you go into Subway and ask, "What's good here?" they are legally obligated to say, "Nothing."
February 14, 2024 at 5:51 PM
If you go into Subway and ask, "What's good here?" they are legally obligated to say, "Nothing."
In honor of Valentine's Day, I will forgo my N95 mask in favor of an N69 mask.
February 14, 2024 at 5:57 PM
In honor of Valentine's Day, I will forgo my N95 mask in favor of an N69 mask.
Reposted by Lawrence Welp
Your dad tried to get me pregnant at snake church today.
February 11, 2024 at 4:13 PM
Your dad tried to get me pregnant at snake church today.
The strength of her proclamations vs. my ability to use Google on my phone is endlessly hilarious.
February 12, 2024 at 6:15 AM
The strength of her proclamations vs. my ability to use Google on my phone is endlessly hilarious.
Super Bowl Sunday is the wrong day to seek emotional support from strangers on the Internet.
February 12, 2024 at 2:44 AM
Super Bowl Sunday is the wrong day to seek emotional support from strangers on the Internet.
Reposted by Lawrence Welp
"Happy wife, happy life" is occasionally true, but "unhappy wife, unhappy life" is always fucking apt.
February 11, 2024 at 2:21 AM
"Happy wife, happy life" is occasionally true, but "unhappy wife, unhappy life" is always fucking apt.