Lawrence Welp
@lobstrosity.bsky.social
Relax and enjoy the dulcet tones of an anonymous idiot on a new social media platform.
Everything my wife watches on TV can be summarized as "something terrible is happening, and/or someone is very upset."
July 14, 2025 at 2:02 PM
Everything my wife watches on TV can be summarized as "something terrible is happening, and/or someone is very upset."
I just want you to be happy, so if you do find someone you'd rather be with, I'll officiate at your wedding.
June 30, 2025 at 9:45 PM
I just want you to be happy, so if you do find someone you'd rather be with, I'll officiate at your wedding.
Sorry babe. I'm too busy renovating our home to listen to how much you hate my family.
June 28, 2025 at 7:32 PM
Sorry babe. I'm too busy renovating our home to listen to how much you hate my family.
Taking a contractor-grade dump in the Home Depot bathroom, then using their wifi to post about it to social media.
June 28, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Taking a contractor-grade dump in the Home Depot bathroom, then using their wifi to post about it to social media.
Orcas: Fuck them boats! 😡
Bees: Fuck them throats. 😏
Bees: Fuck them throats. 😏
Billionaire friend, 53, of Prince William dies after swallowing a bee while playing polo www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...
Billionaire friend, 53, of Prince William dies after swallowing a bee
Indian businessman Sunjay Kapur, chairman of global car parts giant Sona Comstar, collapsed while playing polo in England yesterday
www.dailymail.co.uk
June 13, 2025 at 7:36 PM
Orcas: Fuck them boats! 😡
Bees: Fuck them throats. 😏
Bees: Fuck them throats. 😏
She'll do anything* to save our relationship.
*except stop drinking
*except stop drinking
May 18, 2025 at 5:46 PM
She'll do anything* to save our relationship.
*except stop drinking
*except stop drinking
Who needs professional well-educated analysis of world politics when my wife provides more analysis than anyone can possibly stand?
April 9, 2025 at 11:49 PM
Who needs professional well-educated analysis of world politics when my wife provides more analysis than anyone can possibly stand?
I do all the grocery shopping.
Wife comes with today, tries using self checkout, but keeps adding and removing things from the bagging area, caising endless chain of error messages.
The ride home is a sermon on how self checkout is designed by a cabal of white men.
I do all the grocery shopping.
Wife comes with today, tries using self checkout, but keeps adding and removing things from the bagging area, caising endless chain of error messages.
The ride home is a sermon on how self checkout is designed by a cabal of white men.
I do all the grocery shopping.
March 1, 2025 at 8:28 PM
I do all the grocery shopping.
Wife comes with today, tries using self checkout, but keeps adding and removing things from the bagging area, caising endless chain of error messages.
The ride home is a sermon on how self checkout is designed by a cabal of white men.
I do all the grocery shopping.
Wife comes with today, tries using self checkout, but keeps adding and removing things from the bagging area, caising endless chain of error messages.
The ride home is a sermon on how self checkout is designed by a cabal of white men.
I do all the grocery shopping.
"I'm just a little extra sometimes."
(extra annoying)
(extra annoying)
July 28, 2024 at 4:19 PM
"I'm just a little extra sometimes."
(extra annoying)
(extra annoying)
She's hate-cleaning, while I'm just out here remodeling the kitchen like a complete asshole.
July 27, 2024 at 11:15 PM
She's hate-cleaning, while I'm just out here remodeling the kitchen like a complete asshole.
The worst part of all of this is going to be having to listen to my partner redouble their efforts telling me how fucked we all are.
July 14, 2024 at 3:03 PM
The worst part of all of this is going to be having to listen to my partner redouble their efforts telling me how fucked we all are.
I think the main reasons that I never make friends with other cyclists is because:
A) I'm willing to accept responsibility for my own safety in traffic.
B) I refuse to wear a cycling costume.
A) I'm willing to accept responsibility for my own safety in traffic.
B) I refuse to wear a cycling costume.
July 7, 2024 at 7:27 PM
I think the main reasons that I never make friends with other cyclists is because:
A) I'm willing to accept responsibility for my own safety in traffic.
B) I refuse to wear a cycling costume.
A) I'm willing to accept responsibility for my own safety in traffic.
B) I refuse to wear a cycling costume.
What should you do when reviewing all of the world's problems first thing in the morning energizes you?
What should you do when you live with that person?
What should you do when you live with that person?
July 6, 2024 at 5:20 PM
What should you do when reviewing all of the world's problems first thing in the morning energizes you?
What should you do when you live with that person?
What should you do when you live with that person?
She's a 10, but she'll only eat when served a tiny buffet.
June 22, 2024 at 12:18 AM
She's a 10, but she'll only eat when served a tiny buffet.
Just touch my Follow button, then I'll touch yours, and we'll never speak of it again, k?
June 15, 2024 at 4:00 AM
Just touch my Follow button, then I'll touch yours, and we'll never speak of it again, k?
Reposted by Lawrence Welp
your honor, have you ever gotten busy in a burger king bathroom
June 15, 2024 at 1:55 AM
your honor, have you ever gotten busy in a burger king bathroom
My ventriloquist act basically consists of me audibly farting while the dog is on my lap.
June 15, 2024 at 12:25 AM
My ventriloquist act basically consists of me audibly farting while the dog is on my lap.
My partner's MacBook Pro apparently has 2 volume settings: mute, and loud as hell.
So anytime they want to take a quick look at a video, it's like it's suddenly Mardi Gras up in here.
So anytime they want to take a quick look at a video, it's like it's suddenly Mardi Gras up in here.
May 12, 2024 at 1:59 AM
My partner's MacBook Pro apparently has 2 volume settings: mute, and loud as hell.
So anytime they want to take a quick look at a video, it's like it's suddenly Mardi Gras up in here.
So anytime they want to take a quick look at a video, it's like it's suddenly Mardi Gras up in here.
This is me. I am an empty food container.
I’ve searched my soul but all I found was empty food containers
March 23, 2024 at 3:26 PM
This is me. I am an empty food container.
I caught a YouTube clip of my least favorite ragertainment™ show featuring that huge-hair TLC psychic today.
Really helped solidify everyone's credibility in my mind.
Really helped solidify everyone's credibility in my mind.
March 20, 2024 at 12:02 AM
I caught a YouTube clip of my least favorite ragertainment™ show featuring that huge-hair TLC psychic today.
Really helped solidify everyone's credibility in my mind.
Really helped solidify everyone's credibility in my mind.
If I can't handle you at your worst,
then fuck your best.
then fuck your best.
March 17, 2024 at 8:31 PM
If I can't handle you at your worst,
then fuck your best.
then fuck your best.
I remember seeing someone saying "For 20 bucks I'll comment "Yikes." on your partner's selfie post."
srsly tho
srsly tho
February 29, 2024 at 6:13 PM
I remember seeing someone saying "For 20 bucks I'll comment "Yikes." on your partner's selfie post."
srsly tho
srsly tho
Do you ever find chores to do just so you don't have to listen to your partner talk about politics?
"Yeah, I'm outraged too, but I think it's time to vacuum the entire house again. Love you, bye!"
"Yeah, I'm outraged too, but I think it's time to vacuum the entire house again. Love you, bye!"
February 19, 2024 at 11:56 PM
Do you ever find chores to do just so you don't have to listen to your partner talk about politics?
"Yeah, I'm outraged too, but I think it's time to vacuum the entire house again. Love you, bye!"
"Yeah, I'm outraged too, but I think it's time to vacuum the entire house again. Love you, bye!"