John-Paul
@jpkeates.com
A dyslexic genius with a brian the size of a planet.
Retired.
Mostly jokes.
Sixties British male, living in the middle. Slightly left of centre and socially awkward.
#LunchPun #UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
Retired.
Mostly jokes.
Sixties British male, living in the middle. Slightly left of centre and socially awkward.
#LunchPun #UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
Pinned
John-Paul
@jpkeates.com
· Nov 13
Everything started to kick off, and I was about to open a can of whoop-ass, then realised it would be much nicer if I reused some of yesterday’s leftover fresh ass and quickly knocked together a new batch of whoop.
#Joke
#Joke
Reposted by John-Paul
Brian Wilson was a nature lover, and was convinced he saw in daytime a bird in Dublin normally only seen at night. Very possibly, agreed the female republican fighters he met in the valley.
“Irish day owl?”
“Could be.” - Gully Fenian Girls.
“Irish day owl?”
“Could be.” - Gully Fenian Girls.
November 22, 2024 at 2:17 PM
Brian Wilson was a nature lover, and was convinced he saw in daytime a bird in Dublin normally only seen at night. Very possibly, agreed the female republican fighters he met in the valley.
“Irish day owl?”
“Could be.” - Gully Fenian Girls.
“Irish day owl?”
“Could be.” - Gully Fenian Girls.
So angry to lose my job in the Parkinson's clinic. Threw a right old wobbler. Apparently, we're not meant to call them that, let alone chuck them about!
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
November 13, 2025 at 12:01 PM
So angry to lose my job in the Parkinson's clinic. Threw a right old wobbler. Apparently, we're not meant to call them that, let alone chuck them about!
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
Surely Russia is a riddle wrapped up in an enigma inside a slightly larger riddle within a bigger enigma, then all them put inside one much bigger riddle?
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
November 12, 2025 at 12:01 PM
Surely Russia is a riddle wrapped up in an enigma inside a slightly larger riddle within a bigger enigma, then all them put inside one much bigger riddle?
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
They may be massively underestimating how smart my cats are or overestimating their ability to read.
November 11, 2025 at 3:35 PM
They may be massively underestimating how smart my cats are or overestimating their ability to read.
November 11, 2025 at 12:01 PM
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women in a delightful harmonic chord progression”
Pachelbel's Conan
#LunchPun
Pachelbel's Conan
#LunchPun
November 7, 2025 at 12:01 PM
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women in a delightful harmonic chord progression”
Pachelbel's Conan
#LunchPun
Pachelbel's Conan
#LunchPun
In an attempt to make the movie resonate with a modern audience, "12 Angry Men" will now be known as "12 Men".
November 5, 2025 at 12:57 PM
In an attempt to make the movie resonate with a modern audience, "12 Angry Men" will now be known as "12 Men".
Guy Fawkes travelled extensively in Europe, so while most of us associate baked potatoes with bonfires, it was always penne for the Guy.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
November 5, 2025 at 12:01 PM
Guy Fawkes travelled extensively in Europe, so while most of us associate baked potatoes with bonfires, it was always penne for the Guy.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
Reposted by John-Paul
I love my family - but it’s important to remember what’s really important.
A favourite time is clearing up after dinner with my children, particularly the eldest girl, who’s a statistician.
There I am again, throwing the gravy out with the maths daughter.
A favourite time is clearing up after dinner with my children, particularly the eldest girl, who’s a statistician.
There I am again, throwing the gravy out with the maths daughter.
August 19, 2024 at 7:00 AM
I love my family - but it’s important to remember what’s really important.
A favourite time is clearing up after dinner with my children, particularly the eldest girl, who’s a statistician.
There I am again, throwing the gravy out with the maths daughter.
A favourite time is clearing up after dinner with my children, particularly the eldest girl, who’s a statistician.
There I am again, throwing the gravy out with the maths daughter.
Women never understand it, I think it must be a “guy” thing.
What is?
Catching fire in November.
What is?
Catching fire in November.
November 5, 2025 at 8:31 AM
Women never understand it, I think it must be a “guy” thing.
What is?
Catching fire in November.
What is?
Catching fire in November.
November 4, 2025 at 5:27 PM
November 3, 2025 at 12:01 PM
November 3, 2025 at 11:31 AM
Reposted by John-Paul
Half man/half horse = centaur
Half man/half bull = minotaur
Half man/half love is a battlefield = Benatar
Half man/half bull = minotaur
Half man/half love is a battlefield = Benatar
October 29, 2025 at 1:50 PM
Half man/half horse = centaur
Half man/half bull = minotaur
Half man/half love is a battlefield = Benatar
Half man/half bull = minotaur
Half man/half love is a battlefield = Benatar
I hate Nazis - Anne Frank
Some right wing views are less than ideal - Anne Evasive
Some right wing views are less than ideal - Anne Evasive
October 29, 2025 at 1:11 PM
I hate Nazis - Anne Frank
Some right wing views are less than ideal - Anne Evasive
Some right wing views are less than ideal - Anne Evasive
October 29, 2025 at 12:02 PM
In the great set-list of life, don't be the track from the new album that the singer's new girlfriend wrote the lyrics for.
October 29, 2025 at 11:18 AM
In the great set-list of life, don't be the track from the new album that the singer's new girlfriend wrote the lyrics for.
Reposted by John-Paul
biblically accurate cat
October 28, 2025 at 8:10 PM
biblically accurate cat
Reposted by John-Paul
I left my magazine on the bus. At Lost Property they showed me the only one which had been handed in, which wasn't mine. I told them it wasn't a big issue.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
October 27, 2025 at 12:04 PM
I left my magazine on the bus. At Lost Property they showed me the only one which had been handed in, which wasn't mine. I told them it wasn't a big issue.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
My New Year's Resolution is not to follow convention.
October 26, 2025 at 1:24 PM
My New Year's Resolution is not to follow convention.
I'm carb-loading to prepare for the exercise I'm going to do in my next lifetime.
October 24, 2025 at 3:29 PM
I'm carb-loading to prepare for the exercise I'm going to do in my next lifetime.