V For Viennetta
@joebaldwin.me.uk
Person. Admin gonk. Nerd. 80s synthpop idiot. Semi-talented iOS app dev. Tesco Value satirical poster. Lidl croissant enthusiast. It’s always David Cameron’s fault.
Can I just make a very specific recommendation: don’t drink three cocktails and two beers and then volunteer to do a geography-based quiz on a boat in front of an audience
November 11, 2025 at 8:28 PM
Can I just make a very specific recommendation: don’t drink three cocktails and two beers and then volunteer to do a geography-based quiz on a boat in front of an audience
I’ve volunteered to do a quiz on stage. I am a bit trashed. You know this is either genius or a mistake.
On a boat so naturally I’m going to do as the Romans do and drink cocktails while listening to show tunes
November 11, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I’ve volunteered to do a quiz on stage. I am a bit trashed. You know this is either genius or a mistake.
On a boat so naturally I’m going to do as the Romans do and drink cocktails while listening to show tunes
November 11, 2025 at 7:56 PM
On a boat so naturally I’m going to do as the Romans do and drink cocktails while listening to show tunes
Anyone who *actually* shouts that IRL should get run over and have the last thing they hear as their life ebbs away be someone shouting that deeply unfunny line
November 11, 2025 at 7:21 PM
Anyone who *actually* shouts that IRL should get run over and have the last thing they hear as their life ebbs away be someone shouting that deeply unfunny line
Actually I think this should be explained. I think it should literally be explained in the sense that James Bond is actually the earthly incarnation of the Gnostic god Yaldabaoth and as such his corporeal form is both variable and entirely contingent
WE KNOW IT'S DIFFERENT ACTORS AND, ESSENTIALLY, A DIFFERENT CHARACTER EACH TIME. OTHERWISE HE'S A WEIRD GOD FIGURE WHO CHANGES HIS FACE EVERY FEW YEARS AND HAS DISCOVERED THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH
YOU DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS
YOU DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS
James Bond’s death in No Time to Die is causing a nightmare for the next film. Writers are stuck because Bond “was blown to pieces.”
Anthony Horowitz, author of three 007 novels, says:
“You can't have him wake up in shower and saying it was all a dream."
radaronline.com/p/james-bond...
Anthony Horowitz, author of three 007 novels, says:
“You can't have him wake up in shower and saying it was all a dream."
radaronline.com/p/james-bond...
November 11, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Actually I think this should be explained. I think it should literally be explained in the sense that James Bond is actually the earthly incarnation of the Gnostic god Yaldabaoth and as such his corporeal form is both variable and entirely contingent
Reposted by V For Viennetta
In the opening scene of the next Bond film, he should be performatively reading a James Bond novel
November 11, 2025 at 5:48 PM
In the opening scene of the next Bond film, he should be performatively reading a James Bond novel
Reposted by V For Viennetta
Add waitstaff to the list of people it's not okay to be an asshole to. Even if it's Ms Lovett's pie shop and the meat pie has a human finger in it, you are RESPECTFUL when you bring it up to the waiter, goddammit.
How a person treats waitstaff tells you _everything_ you need to know about them.
How a person treats waitstaff tells you _everything_ you need to know about them.
it is never okay to be an asshole to an intern. period.
i do not give a shit whether it is the puppy mill division of Hailburton: if you have literally no discretion to change anything and are making sub-market wages for the opportunity to be screamed at, you do not get screamed at.
i do not give a shit whether it is the puppy mill division of Hailburton: if you have literally no discretion to change anything and are making sub-market wages for the opportunity to be screamed at, you do not get screamed at.
the intern is learning to be a yes man and needs to know there are real people outside of their political bubble
November 11, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Add waitstaff to the list of people it's not okay to be an asshole to. Even if it's Ms Lovett's pie shop and the meat pie has a human finger in it, you are RESPECTFUL when you bring it up to the waiter, goddammit.
How a person treats waitstaff tells you _everything_ you need to know about them.
How a person treats waitstaff tells you _everything_ you need to know about them.
This river cruise is just over half full and that’s quite nice because what I was after was relaxation and everywhere being empty is perfect for me while I pickle myself with cocktails and beer
November 11, 2025 at 4:44 PM
This river cruise is just over half full and that’s quite nice because what I was after was relaxation and everywhere being empty is perfect for me while I pickle myself with cocktails and beer
In the next James Bond film, he should get pregnant
November 11, 2025 at 3:47 PM
In the next James Bond film, he should get pregnant
People have no imagination. “They should make James Bond a woman”, nah, James Bond should be a cartoon bird with six heads and nine dicks and he is also literally god. Make a film about that and I might watch it
November 11, 2025 at 3:38 PM
People have no imagination. “They should make James Bond a woman”, nah, James Bond should be a cartoon bird with six heads and nine dicks and he is also literally god. Make a film about that and I might watch it
Reposted by V For Viennetta
My last word on the matter
November 11, 2025 at 2:27 PM
My last word on the matter
Was there not something better we could bring back, like smallpox
Snapchat is letting subscribers revive their 2D Bitmojis
Snapchat is letting subscribers revive their 2D Bitmojis
The classic cartoony user avatars is back by popular demand, if you’re willing to pay for it.
buff.ly
November 11, 2025 at 2:16 PM
Was there not something better we could bring back, like smallpox
Seen the van that delivers your posts
November 11, 2025 at 9:18 AM
Seen the van that delivers your posts
Slept fine on boat and now in Koblenz, which is twinned with Norwich, for an additional bit of relevance
November 11, 2025 at 7:39 AM
Slept fine on boat and now in Koblenz, which is twinned with Norwich, for an additional bit of relevance
Can’t not read Musk’s post in Wheatley’s voice
*maximum alpha at 1.25x speed* continuously lives on in my head, unfortunately.
November 11, 2025 at 6:15 AM
Can’t not read Musk’s post in Wheatley’s voice
What
November 10, 2025 at 10:10 PM
What
Reposted by V For Viennetta
Repeat after me:
I am not smoother than Boris Johnson.
I am not smoother than Brianna Wu.
I am not smoother than the Rizzler.
I am not smoother than James Adomian.
But if I stand back and watch and learn,
I will be smoother than I am.
I am not smoother than Boris Johnson.
I am not smoother than Brianna Wu.
I am not smoother than the Rizzler.
I am not smoother than James Adomian.
But if I stand back and watch and learn,
I will be smoother than I am.
November 10, 2025 at 7:31 PM
Repeat after me:
I am not smoother than Boris Johnson.
I am not smoother than Brianna Wu.
I am not smoother than the Rizzler.
I am not smoother than James Adomian.
But if I stand back and watch and learn,
I will be smoother than I am.
I am not smoother than Boris Johnson.
I am not smoother than Brianna Wu.
I am not smoother than the Rizzler.
I am not smoother than James Adomian.
But if I stand back and watch and learn,
I will be smoother than I am.
There is one thing I can tell you about TUI River Cruises - they absolutely don’t water down their drinks. Fucked, lads
November 10, 2025 at 5:31 PM
There is one thing I can tell you about TUI River Cruises - they absolutely don’t water down their drinks. Fucked, lads
Trying to use Mastodon is like the social media equivalent of George Bailey being shown what it would be like if he carked it
I’m only here still because Bluesky is the worst microblogging platform except for all of the others which have been tried
November 10, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Trying to use Mastodon is like the social media equivalent of George Bailey being shown what it would be like if he carked it
Bored as balls so I have a Long Island iced tea. This can only end well
November 10, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Bored as balls so I have a Long Island iced tea. This can only end well
“Fallen from favour with Putin, balcony”
Lavrov’s absence sparks speculation he has fallen from favour with Putin
Lavrov’s absence sparks speculation he has fallen from favour with Putin
Veteran foreign minister missed key Kremlin meeting, and is not part of Russia’s G20 delegation
www.theguardian.com
November 10, 2025 at 3:47 PM
“Fallen from favour with Putin, balcony”
It’s almost heartening to know that whatever the country, no matter the continent, cyclists can be total fannies to pedestrians on shared paths.
November 10, 2025 at 2:43 PM
It’s almost heartening to know that whatever the country, no matter the continent, cyclists can be total fannies to pedestrians on shared paths.
Boat’s lounge was playing Scouting For Girls. Holiday’s ruined
November 10, 2025 at 1:06 PM
Boat’s lounge was playing Scouting For Girls. Holiday’s ruined