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Illoumalnati
@illoumalnati.bsky.social
· May 17
This store just went up and an effete-yet-powerful bald man is about to have a frustrating day
(pulling at tie, flop-sweating) I tell ya, I get no respect. The New York Times ran a story about me being the only guy Epstein told to keep *away* from his island! I told them hey, what about Musk? They said that's right, you don't smell too good either!
February 10, 2026 at 3:09 PM
(pulling at tie, flop-sweating) I tell ya, I get no respect. The New York Times ran a story about me being the only guy Epstein told to keep *away* from his island! I told them hey, what about Musk? They said that's right, you don't smell too good either!
Reposted by Illoumalnati
I have never once thought through or about a post
February 9, 2026 at 8:54 PM
I have never once thought through or about a post
I feel like if Eurovision was even slightly on America's radar, the Doctor Who Eurovision episode would be seen as a permanent embarrassment, up there with Discovery repeatedly glazing Elon Musk.
February 9, 2026 at 9:16 AM
I feel like if Eurovision was even slightly on America's radar, the Doctor Who Eurovision episode would be seen as a permanent embarrassment, up there with Discovery repeatedly glazing Elon Musk.
Is this because of the one Epstein joke that got some traction in Bluewavetown
February 9, 2026 at 7:29 AM
Is this because of the one Epstein joke that got some traction in Bluewavetown
Okay come on now
Jeffrey Epstein died on August 10th. In the Epstein files, there is what appears to be a draft DOJ press release announcing his death that is dated August 9th.
(It’s here: www.justice.gov/epstein/file...)
(It’s here: www.justice.gov/epstein/file...)
The release on Saturday, August 10th appears to have two differences. The date, and the addition of “of an apparent suicide” www.justice.gov/usao-sdny/pr...
February 8, 2026 at 5:41 PM
Okay come on now
Reposted by Illoumalnati
the magic of the Muppets is that there are two fourth walls. they constantly break the one that reminds the audience they are performers. they NEVER break the one that reminds the audience they are puppets. this dynamic is the key to their entire comedy style
MY KIDS: so why are there muppets in the AUDIENCE
ME: THE CONCEIT!! IS THAT THEY'RE PUTTING ON A VARIETY SHOW!!! IN A WORLD WHERE MUPPET AND HUMAN COEXIST!!! YOU ARE WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY!! FILMED!! IN REAL TIME!!!
ME: THE CONCEIT!! IS THAT THEY'RE PUTTING ON A VARIETY SHOW!!! IN A WORLD WHERE MUPPET AND HUMAN COEXIST!!! YOU ARE WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY!! FILMED!! IN REAL TIME!!!
February 8, 2026 at 6:22 AM
the magic of the Muppets is that there are two fourth walls. they constantly break the one that reminds the audience they are performers. they NEVER break the one that reminds the audience they are puppets. this dynamic is the key to their entire comedy style
I'd be the worst drug addict. I took codeine for like two days because of my root canal, and I'm like "ohhhh my tummy hurts"
February 8, 2026 at 12:16 PM
I'd be the worst drug addict. I took codeine for like two days because of my root canal, and I'm like "ohhhh my tummy hurts"
Reposted by Illoumalnati
Watching Bake-Off as a Yank is so awesome. You can understand what they call pudding, biscuits, etc. but suddenly they’re saying, “Toby’s cake will have all the classic Gingham Day flavors, in the form of Swat the Grump,” and then they make like a carnival game where you shoot lobsters with a cannon
December 11, 2025 at 6:17 AM
Watching Bake-Off as a Yank is so awesome. You can understand what they call pudding, biscuits, etc. but suddenly they’re saying, “Toby’s cake will have all the classic Gingham Day flavors, in the form of Swat the Grump,” and then they make like a carnival game where you shoot lobsters with a cannon
I know this isn't an actual proposal, it's the head of a trade association saying this would kick ass, but he's correct, this would kick ass.
Chris Williamson proposes Neom-informed Loop to connect northern British cities
Chris Williamson has proposed linking nine northern British cities with The Loop – a raised high-speed railway informed by Neom's megacity The Line.
www.dezeen.com
February 7, 2026 at 9:23 PM
I know this isn't an actual proposal, it's the head of a trade association saying this would kick ass, but he's correct, this would kick ass.
I love this bag so much
February 7, 2026 at 4:48 PM
I love this bag so much
The Trump formula is 40% Adolf Hitler/40% Joan Rivers/20% Charles Foster Kane
Acive duty military are being ordered to buy a ticket to Melania and watch it, whether they want to, or not. www.thedailybeast.com/obsessed/mil...
Military Pressured to See ‘Melania’ Against Their Will
A military group has evidence of troops being ordered into theater—the movie theater.
www.thedailybeast.com
February 7, 2026 at 11:27 AM
The Trump formula is 40% Adolf Hitler/40% Joan Rivers/20% Charles Foster Kane
Reposted by Illoumalnati
nice to meet you held in contempt, I’m dad
February 6, 2026 at 8:46 PM
nice to meet you held in contempt, I’m dad
I love watching three blind European guys feel their way around then try to describe the food they're pretty sure you get in America
February 6, 2026 at 6:23 PM
I love watching three blind European guys feel their way around then try to describe the food they're pretty sure you get in America
Enjoying some dark fantasy
February 6, 2026 at 12:40 PM
Enjoying some dark fantasy
Nodding at the morning drive-time music. I too am knee-deep in the hoopla.
February 6, 2026 at 8:52 AM
Nodding at the morning drive-time music. I too am knee-deep in the hoopla.
Does the Louvre not have a bunch of crowns lying around that look basically like this one? Burglars probably dropped it because they already had like three of them
The crown of Empress Eugénie was one of nine invaluable royal ornaments snatched by burglars during the Louvre heist in October, but the thieves dropped it on the sidewalk before making their escape. The Louvre announced it will soon invite restorers to submit proposals for the crown’s repair.
The Louvre Thieves Dropped This Priceless Crown. Now It Looks Like This.
Empress Eugénie’s crown was left lying on the sidewalk after the Louvre Museum heist in October. The museum has now released pictures of the damage.
nyti.ms
February 6, 2026 at 8:49 AM
Does the Louvre not have a bunch of crowns lying around that look basically like this one? Burglars probably dropped it because they already had like three of them
I'm sorry but this is simply what happens when you stop giving away free X-Men comics with personal pizzas. Read theory.
Pizza Hut is closing hundreds of locations across the United States while its parent company continues a strategic review of the embattled brand. https://cnn.it/4bBOGps
February 4, 2026 at 7:56 PM
I'm sorry but this is simply what happens when you stop giving away free X-Men comics with personal pizzas. Read theory.
Looking at what the dentist wants to charge me and wondering if it would be cheaper to live with the pain and develop a crippling opioid addiction
February 4, 2026 at 7:56 AM
Looking at what the dentist wants to charge me and wondering if it would be cheaper to live with the pain and develop a crippling opioid addiction
"A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left" by Andrew Bird
Deleted a post about “what’s your least favorite song” because the vibes are bad enough already.
Instead: what’s your favorite song that has a long title, say at least 6 words long?
Mine: “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” (Pearl Jam)
Instead: what’s your favorite song that has a long title, say at least 6 words long?
Mine: “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” (Pearl Jam)
February 4, 2026 at 7:30 AM
"A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left" by Andrew Bird
That's an all-timer of a "huh that's weird I wonder why" then an immediate "oh"
February 3, 2026 at 3:22 PM
That's an all-timer of a "huh that's weird I wonder why" then an immediate "oh"
Family St. Brigid's day tradition (I don't really know a lot about Brigid's deal but bank holidays are great for big breakfasts)
February 2, 2026 at 10:06 AM
Family St. Brigid's day tradition (I don't really know a lot about Brigid's deal but bank holidays are great for big breakfasts)
I don't think I'm too old and prudish but also it's crazy that we ever decided as a society that walking around with the word "juicy" printed on your ass was a totally chill and normal thing to do.
February 1, 2026 at 11:22 PM
I don't think I'm too old and prudish but also it's crazy that we ever decided as a society that walking around with the word "juicy" printed on your ass was a totally chill and normal thing to do.
Lol, this is the kind of thing an egomaniacal movie villain says right before he's goaded into confessing. Somebody really needs to get Musk in front of a camera and tell him "they're saying you could never molest as efficiently as Epstein, your mind isn't powerful enough."
"I can be a pedophile all on my own" is not the flex he thinks it is.
February 1, 2026 at 12:11 PM
Lol, this is the kind of thing an egomaniacal movie villain says right before he's goaded into confessing. Somebody really needs to get Musk in front of a camera and tell him "they're saying you could never molest as efficiently as Epstein, your mind isn't powerful enough."
(intending to make a joke) Did money write thi-- oh
January 31, 2026 at 1:31 PM
(intending to make a joke) Did money write thi-- oh