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hawleyshoffner.bsky.social
@hawleyshoffner.bsky.social
underground like a wild potato
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who gives a shit if people get snap benefits. I've been to the grocery store. its fucking full of food. Youve never seen so much food in your life
October 27, 2025 at 1:38 AM
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No kid should ever have to protest or advocate for their friends’ basic humanity.

But they’re standing up at No Kings anyway.
October 18, 2025 at 4:24 PM
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daughter just told me every Friday her class has a “burial” for the pencils too small to be sharpened anymore 😭😭 one of her classroom jobs is to give the eulogy 😭😭 THERE IS A SMALL COFFIN 😭😭😭😭
October 4, 2025 at 11:13 PM
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If you live in Illinois, we need your help.

This will take less than five minutes and will truly pressure your local elected officials to stand with the people rather than ICE.
That’s why I need to ask everyone in Illinois for a favor.

Contact your elected officials TODAY and tell them to stand with the people — not ICE — for a press conference demanding transparency + legality this Friday at 1930 Beach Street, 9AM.

Here’s a template: docs.google.com/document/d/1...
Broadview Email + VM templates
URGE YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS TO STAND AGAINST ICE ICE is terrorizing our community. From abducting immigrants and subjecting them to inhumane conditions to brutalizing protesters for exercising their ...
docs.google.com
October 1, 2025 at 10:51 PM
We peaked as a society at Mr. Potato Head.
June 18, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Shopping for bird houses in 2025 is wild.
May 3, 2025 at 3:20 PM
Is it a Chicago thing to spend hours chasing down a loose dog only to find that its owner could care less that their dog was ever lost
April 22, 2025 at 8:27 PM
“Image by Tess Ellery”
Is Henry Blodget ok
April 22, 2025 at 2:44 AM
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This remains the only great thing to have ever come from programmatic slop advertising. And it is truly great.
April 20, 2025 at 12:37 AM
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Trump’s view on trade deficits is like getting mad at Target because you spend money there but they never buy anything from you. It’s just complete brain dead nonsense.
April 7, 2025 at 12:54 AM
People underestimate the power of a complimentary cold beverage
April 4, 2025 at 6:20 PM
Fancy ingredients are fun, beautiful, unusual but what about cabbage at $.15/lb
March 31, 2025 at 12:33 AM
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Excellent work by new NYT headline writer Werner Herzog
March 28, 2025 at 6:28 PM
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The loss of access to old Looney Tunes cartoons is a tragedy for culture. How else are kids going to find out about Peter Lorre
March 16, 2025 at 9:01 PM
If anyone wants to rob me, I have over 80 lbs of beef tenderloin in the trunk of my car. Spread the word.
March 8, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Love is Blind is the most boring people in the world saying “I love that” back and forth until I kill myself.
March 7, 2025 at 2:18 AM
Only scared of dying because what if I don’t get to see every movie I want to see
March 6, 2025 at 8:04 PM
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a dark day for ska
March 3, 2025 at 1:47 PM
I love saying “what a banger” every time a new song comes on while listening to my own playlist
March 1, 2025 at 7:49 PM
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So many sacks
February 10, 2025 at 12:50 AM
Painting the trim in my bathroom to Bonnie Raitt like I’m in a Sandra Bullock movie.
February 2, 2025 at 10:04 PM
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Surpassed $19k for my contribution to the Save the Reader fundraiser. Can we get to $20k by midnight? donorbox.org/save-the-chi...
January 30, 2025 at 9:24 PM
"All The Things She Said." Name a bigger banger.
January 30, 2025 at 10:57 PM
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I will never stop being mad about how the media has treated the anti-trans movement as a group of ordinary people with legitimate concerns rather than the obvious frothing bigots they are.
ABC White House correspondent just released ANOTHER anti-trans EO expected that we did not cover in our piece this morning:

A federal ban on funding to programs that acknowledge and affirm transgender people.
January 20, 2025 at 6:37 PM