Forrest Mallard
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forrestmallard.bsky.social
Forrest Mallard
@forrestmallard.bsky.social
Wanderer. Storyteller. Adventure Seeker. Trekking through life one blister at a time. Currently chasing trails in Patagonia—where the snacks run out before the views do. Raw adventures, messy stories, and the kind of humor that keeps your boots moving.
I started writing 00DD during the worst time of my life.
I needed something joyful, chaotic, and loud enough to drown out the silence.

So I wrote a drag queen with cartoonishly massive breasts…
who gets mistaken for a Russian spy.🧵
CHAPTER 04: Big Mama
Small-town shame. Big-city sequins. Big Mama's origin story. One heartbroken boy becomes a drag queen legend. You won’t believe what happens when Big Mama comes home. 💄🔥
00dd.substack.com
April 22, 2025 at 12:58 AM
00dd.substack.com

Thanks for checking out chapter 2 of my first comedy/fiction/spy novel.

Chapter 2: Big Boobied Assassins
April 8, 2025 at 1:38 PM
The world's first drag queen spy thriller begins.
These queens are killing it!

Six drag queens. One crusty lawyer. A shocking will reading that ends with cats, porn, sequins—and a one-way ticket to Bangkok. The beginning of a big drag adventure.

bit.ly/4clPwF8

#LGBTQFiction #QueerWriters
CHAPTER 01: A Fabulous Will Reading
Drag Queens, Secrets, and a Will: Big Mama's Mysterious Legacy Unleashed!
bit.ly
April 2, 2025 at 1:40 PM
There’s a statue of Columbo in Budapest. And 10 feet away? A tiny dead squirrel clutching a pistol. Art? Satire? Madness? Yes. And I made a short film about it. You have to see this. 🐿️🕵️‍♂️
Columbo Statue & Dead Squirrel with Gun: A Big Budapest Mystery
Uncover Budapest’s strangest mystery! Visit the Columbo statue & the hidden dead squirrel with a gun. Who killed the squirrel?
tramposaurus.com
March 27, 2025 at 12:37 PM
When I told you I was writing a book.. you thought it would be about me and my life. HA!!

Ladies and gentlemen, please let me introduce "00DD - A Drag Cloak and Dagger Thriller".

CHAPTER ONE: A FABULOUS WILL READING.
Chapter two will be out on March 28.

www.facebook.com/share/p/1Bm4...
March 22, 2025 at 3:25 AM
🚨 Budapest’s Strangest Mystery! 🚨

A detective, a squirrel corpse, and a tiny gun—what happened on Miksa Falk Street?! 🤯 Columbo’s statue stands tall, but behind him, a dead squirrel holds the smoking gun. Coincidence? I think not. 🕵️‍♂️ Who killed the squirrel?! Solve the case! 🧐

youtu.be/A0jHJb6cK3U
Columbo Statue & Dead Squirrel with Gun: Budapest’s Strangest Mystery
YouTube video by Tramposaurus Treks
youtu.be
March 20, 2025 at 3:33 PM
He was arrested, tortured, and told his dreams were impossible—but he proved them all wrong. But this guy also inspired me to pack my bags and start traveling in 2005, and I haven't stoped yet.

tramposaurus.com/paulo-coelho...
Paulo Coelho • Travel Icon
He has written some of the most popular philosophical books in the world, but would Paulo Coelho be considered a Travel Writer? Absolutely!
tramposaurus.com
March 13, 2025 at 6:19 PM
I found an alien lifeform in Patagonia. Oozing yellow blobs bursting from trees. My Chilean friend? “You can eat it.” Me? Highly skeptical. But I took a bite. Chewy. Tasteless. Mildly horrifying. Turns out, Darwin ate them too. There's even mushroom booze. Respect. 🍄✨ #Patagonia #WildEdibles
Darwin’s Fungus: The Strange Edible Mushrooms of Patagonia
Meet Darwin’s Fungus, Patagonia’s weirdest mushroom! A wild, edible, golf-ball-shaped surprise hiding in ancient beech forests.
tramposaurus.com
March 6, 2025 at 9:12 PM
There are places in the world that don’t just tell a story; they breathe it. Budapest has plenty. But then, there’s the Statue of Anonymous, a shadowed figure tucked away in the courtyard of Vajdahunyad Castle. It doesn’t whisper; it stares; it waits.

tramposaurus.com/statue-of-an...
Statue of Anonymous Budapest: Hungary’s Nameless Chronicler
Discover the enigmatic Statue of Anonymous in Budapest, a tribute to Hungary’s nameless chronicler whose words shaped a nation’s history.
tramposaurus.com
March 5, 2025 at 4:10 PM
My first blog post in many years.
Let's get this page going again! <3

tramposaurus.com/mate-culture...
Mate Culture in South America
Discover the rich tradition of drinking mate — its history, rituals, and unbreakable social rules, told with Tramposaurus-style grit and wit.
tramposaurus.com
March 4, 2025 at 12:08 PM
Patagonian Pups 🐾🏔️

On windswept plains wild and free,
Shepherd pups roam joyfully.
Floppy ears and paws too big,
Chasing shadows, learning tricks.

Amongst the sheep, they dash and play,
Guardians in the making, brave one day.
Under starry skies so vast and deep,
Dreaming of the herd they’ll keep.
March 4, 2025 at 10:11 AM
Reposted by Forrest Mallard
My very angry thoughts.
February 28, 2025 at 5:50 PM
Reposted by Forrest Mallard
DEI has been replaced with DAF (Dumb As Fuck).
February 26, 2025 at 2:15 PM
Finding My Place & A New Opportunity
📍 Estancia Cerro Negro, Chile

One week in, and I already felt like I belonged.

Days filled with farm work, endless landscapes, and conversations that stretched into the night. The kind of exhaustion that puts you to bed before your head even hits the pillow.
February 17, 2025 at 11:15 AM
3/3 2/3 This is VERY important.
This is what I have been telling people.
This has all been done before.
The right wing is using this as his template.
We are headed - FULL STEAM - in the same direction.
January 28, 2025 at 11:42 PM
2/3 This is VERY important.
This is what I have been telling people.
This has all been done before.
The right wing is using this as his template.
We are headed - FULL STEAM - in the same direction.
January 28, 2025 at 11:41 PM
1/3 This is VERY important.
This is what I have been telling people.
This has all been done before.
The right wing is using this as his template.
We are headed - FULL STEAM - in the same direction.
January 28, 2025 at 11:41 PM
🌍✨ Tonight, I’m stepping into the unknown with a one-way ticket to Buenos Aires. From there, it’s a leap into the chaos: backpacking through South America, chasing detours from Patagonia through the Andes, all the way to Colombia (maybe).
January 26, 2025 at 6:12 AM