Boyfriend: “I’m going to make a caffeine-free version of Jolt Cola and name it Well-Insulated Wire.”

So… Can you call people out by name in your obituary? Like, could I name my bullies from elementary school? Could I name the person who got away with stealing someone else’s lunch at work? I’d like to air some grievances publicly, but I’m patient.

Deep thoughts from Boyfriend: “Just because Jim Henson had his hand up Kermit’s butt doesn’t mean Kermit wasn’t real”

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”

Wampeters, Foma & Granfalloons (1974)

I am Oscar the Grouch and Cookie Monster’s cursed love child. (Maybe it’s just perimenopause.)

Boyfriend: They should have a place at the end of every trail for people to leave good sticks.

Every time a door closes in your life, it's time to open a window.
Unfurl your great black wings, soar across the wild skies, and become the shadowy figure of myth and legend you were always meant to be.

As I grade papers by hand, I wonder once again why I thought I wanted to grade papers by hand.

I think a lot about my son wanting me to write my life story, and my immediate response being this horrified realization how many really significant moments of my life revolved around either sex or drugs

New adaptation of “Love Actually” but it’s about graduate students falling love with the topic they’ll spend the rest of their lives knowing far too much about called, “Well Actually”

it is the year 1985

6% of Americans believe the day is not far off when they will feel they must carry a hat pin for protection

I made this. It took forever.

Hello, world! Glad to finally be here!