CMj
@cmjohnson.bsky.social
Full Time grocery store service clerk. Part Time dreamer. Tall, but not dark or particularly handsome. Drinks Diet Dr. Pepper.
Waiting for Shark Boy to return to wrestling as "Hunky Werewolf" so Taylor Lautner can sue him right back
November 17, 2025 at 1:47 AM
Waiting for Shark Boy to return to wrestling as "Hunky Werewolf" so Taylor Lautner can sue him right back
Her: What are you thinking?
Me: Tomatoes are technically a fruit, but people call them vegetables so they don't have to compete with grapes.
Me: Tomatoes are technically a fruit, but people call them vegetables so they don't have to compete with grapes.
November 17, 2025 at 12:36 AM
Her: What are you thinking?
Me: Tomatoes are technically a fruit, but people call them vegetables so they don't have to compete with grapes.
Me: Tomatoes are technically a fruit, but people call them vegetables so they don't have to compete with grapes.
Reposted by CMj
THE
WELL-AIMED BRICK
DOES THE TRICK
WELL-AIMED BRICK
DOES THE TRICK
November 16, 2025 at 9:46 PM
THE
WELL-AIMED BRICK
DOES THE TRICK
WELL-AIMED BRICK
DOES THE TRICK
Reposted by CMj
Making THE INVISIBLE MAN… VISIBLE! 😜
November 13, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Making THE INVISIBLE MAN… VISIBLE! 😜
Reposted by CMj
Got a text from my sister, and she says my nephew would really like a Chess Set for Christmas.
Cool, cool, cool...
Friends, I don't play Chess.
Cool, cool, cool...
Friends, I don't play Chess.
November 13, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Got a text from my sister, and she says my nephew would really like a Chess Set for Christmas.
Cool, cool, cool...
Friends, I don't play Chess.
Cool, cool, cool...
Friends, I don't play Chess.
Reposted by CMj
soup as old as time
broth as old as rhyme
beauty and the bisque
broth as old as rhyme
beauty and the bisque
November 11, 2025 at 8:17 PM
soup as old as time
broth as old as rhyme
beauty and the bisque
broth as old as rhyme
beauty and the bisque
Reposted by CMj
Being kicked out of Vampire Club because I broke Rule One of Vampire Club:
"Don't talk about Edward Cullen."
BUT HE'S SO SHINY
"Don't talk about Edward Cullen."
BUT HE'S SO SHINY
November 7, 2025 at 3:20 AM
Being kicked out of Vampire Club because I broke Rule One of Vampire Club:
"Don't talk about Edward Cullen."
BUT HE'S SO SHINY
"Don't talk about Edward Cullen."
BUT HE'S SO SHINY
LEADERSHIP
RFK Jr's response to someone collapsing nearby him was to haul ass out of the room as quickly as possible
November 6, 2025 at 6:11 PM
LEADERSHIP
If I ever had a daughter, I'd not name her Jennifer.
So much pressure on her to grow up to be a smokeshow.
So much pressure on her to grow up to be a smokeshow.
November 6, 2025 at 2:43 PM
If I ever had a daughter, I'd not name her Jennifer.
So much pressure on her to grow up to be a smokeshow.
So much pressure on her to grow up to be a smokeshow.
Reposted by CMj
James Gunn please make a movie about Clark Kent’s Hillbilly Bride
November 5, 2025 at 11:39 PM
James Gunn please make a movie about Clark Kent’s Hillbilly Bride
Reposted by CMj
If I get possessed by the spirit of something, I hope it's The Macho Man, Randy Savage.
November 5, 2025 at 5:30 PM
If I get possessed by the spirit of something, I hope it's The Macho Man, Randy Savage.
"Robin Hood stole from the rich.
But I don't discriminate, I steal from everyone." 😜
But I don't discriminate, I steal from everyone." 😜
November 5, 2025 at 2:26 PM
"Robin Hood stole from the rich.
But I don't discriminate, I steal from everyone." 😜
But I don't discriminate, I steal from everyone." 😜
Reposted by CMj
I have cartoonified an old tweet of mine.
November 3, 2025 at 10:02 AM
I have cartoonified an old tweet of mine.
Happy "Day Before We Start Decorating For Christmas," Ghosts and Ghouls!
October 31, 2025 at 2:09 PM
Happy "Day Before We Start Decorating For Christmas," Ghosts and Ghouls!
Reposted by CMj
Was told my character, Mr. Bones, needed a shirt to go grocery shopping.
HOPE YOU BASTARDS ARE HAPPY NOW. 😜
HOPE YOU BASTARDS ARE HAPPY NOW. 😜
October 27, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Was told my character, Mr. Bones, needed a shirt to go grocery shopping.
HOPE YOU BASTARDS ARE HAPPY NOW. 😜
HOPE YOU BASTARDS ARE HAPPY NOW. 😜
It's funny, where I am there are two Chinese restaurants which are approximately a five minute walk to my house. The only major difference is the one is open till 1 am and delivers up to midnight
October 26, 2025 at 11:34 PM
It's funny, where I am there are two Chinese restaurants which are approximately a five minute walk to my house. The only major difference is the one is open till 1 am and delivers up to midnight
Ah ha. Find an attractive woman on socials and first thing I see in the profile is she's a Lesbian.
I just have to chuckle...it happened again.
I just have to chuckle...it happened again.
October 26, 2025 at 10:16 PM
Ah ha. Find an attractive woman on socials and first thing I see in the profile is she's a Lesbian.
I just have to chuckle...it happened again.
I just have to chuckle...it happened again.
Reposted by CMj
Homer’s got jokes.
October 23, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Homer’s got jokes.
Reposted by CMj
Yeah, give him a little benefit of the doubt, willya?
October 23, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Yeah, give him a little benefit of the doubt, willya?
Forever grateful I never got a tattoo, so I never have to tell a youngster what Hootie and the Blowfish where...
when i got this tattoo i didn’t know what it symbolized and it DOES NOT represent who I am today
October 22, 2025 at 1:08 AM
Forever grateful I never got a tattoo, so I never have to tell a youngster what Hootie and the Blowfish where...