Habeas Markus
@blakejcmo.bsky.social
Dad. Lawyer. Existential crisis hotline worker.
“Can’t gamble feeding baby on that dope money. Might not always be sufficient. But the United Parcel Service and the people at the post office didn't call you back because you had cloudy piss.”
November 24, 2025 at 1:41 AM
“Can’t gamble feeding baby on that dope money. Might not always be sufficient. But the United Parcel Service and the people at the post office didn't call you back because you had cloudy piss.”
Reposted by Habeas Markus
ill papa
He said "Amen" straight into the drop
Lmao Pope Leo threw a rave for an archbishop's 75th birthday this is kind of incredible
Lmao Pope Leo threw a rave for an archbishop's 75th birthday this is kind of incredible
November 21, 2025 at 10:06 PM
ill papa
“You’re an insurance defense lawyer, and the president of the United States has tasked you with filing criminal charges against the former head of the FBI. You have a week until the statute of limitations runs, and this is your first criminal case” is the premise of the worst stress dream imaginable
November 19, 2025 at 8:16 PM
“You’re an insurance defense lawyer, and the president of the United States has tasked you with filing criminal charges against the former head of the FBI. You have a week until the statute of limitations runs, and this is your first criminal case” is the premise of the worst stress dream imaginable
Reposted by Habeas Markus
I don't know why the "Piggy" thing is bothering me so much. It's one more unforgivable thing in a list of 20,000 unforgivable things, but I've been mad about it for like 12 straight hours.
November 18, 2025 at 11:48 PM
I don't know why the "Piggy" thing is bothering me so much. It's one more unforgivable thing in a list of 20,000 unforgivable things, but I've been mad about it for like 12 straight hours.
Nostalgically listening to OutKast’s Aquemini album. This ear worm hit me and made me laugh: “United Parcel Service and the people at the post office didn't call you back because you got cloudy piss.”
And “Pay ya fuckin' beeper bill, bitch!”
This album is so damn good.
And “Pay ya fuckin' beeper bill, bitch!”
This album is so damn good.
November 14, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Nostalgically listening to OutKast’s Aquemini album. This ear worm hit me and made me laugh: “United Parcel Service and the people at the post office didn't call you back because you got cloudy piss.”
And “Pay ya fuckin' beeper bill, bitch!”
This album is so damn good.
And “Pay ya fuckin' beeper bill, bitch!”
This album is so damn good.
This is the voice of SG John Sauer, and you can’t convince me otherwise.
November 9, 2025 at 4:02 PM
This is the voice of SG John Sauer, and you can’t convince me otherwise.
Seven-year-olds are wild. They will just casually roast you to your face. I’ve never felt so old at 42.
November 8, 2025 at 2:49 AM
Seven-year-olds are wild. They will just casually roast you to your face. I’ve never felt so old at 42.
A Muslim is elected mayor of NYC on the day Dick Cheney dies. The world is healing.
November 5, 2025 at 3:04 AM
A Muslim is elected mayor of NYC on the day Dick Cheney dies. The world is healing.
Halloween costume idea if you live in NYC: Jojo Sliwa
October 21, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Halloween costume idea if you live in NYC: Jojo Sliwa
Reposted by Habeas Markus
When Hasan Piker bought a $2.7 million house in LA for him and his family to live in, critics said he wasn’t a real socialist because it’s too expensive. When Zohran Mamdani rents a $2,300 a month apartment in NYC, critics say it’s too cheap for him and he’s not a real socialist. It’s all bad faith
August 12, 2025 at 12:52 PM
When Hasan Piker bought a $2.7 million house in LA for him and his family to live in, critics said he wasn’t a real socialist because it’s too expensive. When Zohran Mamdani rents a $2,300 a month apartment in NYC, critics say it’s too cheap for him and he’s not a real socialist. It’s all bad faith
My conspiracy theory is that rich people spread rumors about how winning the lottery is a curse. They don’t want people thinking about how easy they have it. They want to sound like victims.
June 22, 2025 at 5:58 PM
My conspiracy theory is that rich people spread rumors about how winning the lottery is a curse. They don’t want people thinking about how easy they have it. They want to sound like victims.
Me singing soothingly in a whisper voice to the baby to the tune of J-Kwon’s Tipsy:
“Everybody in the crib getting Sleepy”
“Everybody in the crib getting Sleepy”
May 27, 2025 at 4:50 AM
Me singing soothingly in a whisper voice to the baby to the tune of J-Kwon’s Tipsy:
“Everybody in the crib getting Sleepy”
“Everybody in the crib getting Sleepy”
It’s funny to me to think of media today being “woke” when compared to 80s/90s action movies. Rambo, Predator, and Alien franchises all explore themes like toxic masculinity, colonialism, feminism, and capitalist horrors. Yet they are often presented as a sort of lauded machismo.
May 18, 2025 at 10:38 PM
It’s funny to me to think of media today being “woke” when compared to 80s/90s action movies. Rambo, Predator, and Alien franchises all explore themes like toxic masculinity, colonialism, feminism, and capitalist horrors. Yet they are often presented as a sort of lauded machismo.
Reposted by Habeas Markus
SCOTUS rules, 7-2, that detainees the Administration suspects of being TdA members, and wants to deport under the Alien Enemies Act, need more notice that was given and cannot at present be deported. Kavanaugh concurs. Alito & Thomas dissent.
supremecourt.gov/opinions/24p...
supremecourt.gov/opinions/24p...
May 16, 2025 at 8:12 PM
SCOTUS rules, 7-2, that detainees the Administration suspects of being TdA members, and wants to deport under the Alien Enemies Act, need more notice that was given and cannot at present be deported. Kavanaugh concurs. Alito & Thomas dissent.
supremecourt.gov/opinions/24p...
supremecourt.gov/opinions/24p...
Stephen Miller looks like Pauley Shore’s evil twin.
May 14, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Stephen Miller looks like Pauley Shore’s evil twin.
Niche tweet, but a late night thought.
Does a panpsychist have to trolley problem all their food? Like a salad would be way more problematic than a pork chop, right?
Does a panpsychist have to trolley problem all their food? Like a salad would be way more problematic than a pork chop, right?
May 13, 2025 at 6:08 AM
Niche tweet, but a late night thought.
Does a panpsychist have to trolley problem all their food? Like a salad would be way more problematic than a pork chop, right?
Does a panpsychist have to trolley problem all their food? Like a salad would be way more problematic than a pork chop, right?
Reposted by Habeas Markus
If they don’t pick an American Pope it’s boots on the ground by Saturday.
May 8, 2025 at 3:26 AM
If they don’t pick an American Pope it’s boots on the ground by Saturday.
How do I put this into my IOLTA account?
Missourians could soon pay with gold & silver after lawmakers approve odd bill
The controversial legislation is headed to Republican Gov. Mike Kehoe’s desk.
www.yahoo.com
May 8, 2025 at 4:00 AM
How do I put this into my IOLTA account?
Am I spending more time watching the Sistine Chapel Chimney Live Cam than I have spent in church this year? Yes.
That’s being a cradle Catholic.
That’s being a cradle Catholic.
May 7, 2025 at 5:58 PM
Am I spending more time watching the Sistine Chapel Chimney Live Cam than I have spent in church this year? Yes.
That’s being a cradle Catholic.
That’s being a cradle Catholic.
Reposted by Habeas Markus
Sucks that the Met Gala is raising all this money just to pay it to Bobby Bonilla
May 5, 2025 at 11:40 PM
Sucks that the Met Gala is raising all this money just to pay it to Bobby Bonilla
Reposted by Habeas Markus
New ICE Agent Establishes Dominance By Beating Up Biggest Child Prisoner On First Day
theonion.com/new-ice...
theonion.com/new-ice...
May 3, 2025 at 4:00 PM
New ICE Agent Establishes Dominance By Beating Up Biggest Child Prisoner On First Day
theonion.com/new-ice...
theonion.com/new-ice...
Welcome to Earth, Sturgill.
April 25, 2025 at 6:13 PM
Welcome to Earth, Sturgill.
Night. Mare.
Ouch.
8th Cir.: no equitable tolling for Title VII employment discrimination claim that was filed by plaintiff's lawyer, according to the electronic docket, at 12:08am—missing a 11:59pm deadline.
Held: complaint was correctly dismissed as untimely.
ecf.ca8.uscourts.gov/opndir/25/04...
8th Cir.: no equitable tolling for Title VII employment discrimination claim that was filed by plaintiff's lawyer, according to the electronic docket, at 12:08am—missing a 11:59pm deadline.
Held: complaint was correctly dismissed as untimely.
ecf.ca8.uscourts.gov/opndir/25/04...
April 25, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Night. Mare.
My son was born on the Day of San Jordi, celebrated in Catalonia as the Day of Books and Roses. When I lived in Barcelona, the streets would be flooded with vendors selling red roses and books. What a fantastic day to be born :)
April 24, 2025 at 6:33 PM
My son was born on the Day of San Jordi, celebrated in Catalonia as the Day of Books and Roses. When I lived in Barcelona, the streets would be flooded with vendors selling red roses and books. What a fantastic day to be born :)