kinda just want to curl up in a ball and disappear for a few days.

DND; where your sister gets kidnapped and you accidentally aid in the murder of her best friend

all my friends are ignoring my messages right now, guess I should quit being annoying

As soon as I’m willing to leave the house it’s over for you bitches

If you saw me standing at my car door this morning, doing a little TikTok dance, you didn’t. I was just checking for:

🎶 my keys
🎶 my phone
🎶 my coffee
🎶 my badge
🎶 my laptop
🎶 my glasses

You ever just get home and immediately crumple into your bed like an unwanted newspaper?

Developing new allergies as an adult is so whack. Your body be like " Heyyy I know you eat this fruit because it provides the nutrition we need and it's literally our favorite and we've never had problems before but... Get it out of my sight right now or I will self destruct us."

Making a voodoo doll of myself just so I can feel something.

Claiming to be lacrosse intolerant as an excuse to not drink milk is crazy work. What do those guys with sticks have to do with supporting the dairy industry?