torturemachine
@torturemachine.bsky.social
My background consists of watermelon and lemonade
Reposted by torturemachine
suck em off before they suck you
January 19, 2026 at 6:23 AM
suck em off before they suck you
Ape Clitoris has eradicated humanity
January 19, 2026 at 6:23 AM
Ape Clitoris has eradicated humanity
My piss tastes different today
January 19, 2026 at 6:22 AM
My piss tastes different today
Reposted by torturemachine
The Deep State is trying to convince me I'm "handsome"
June 6, 2025 at 9:46 PM
The Deep State is trying to convince me I'm "handsome"
Reposted by torturemachine
Two, four, six, eight
I'm a horrid evil ape
I'm a horrid evil ape
August 27, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Two, four, six, eight
I'm a horrid evil ape
I'm a horrid evil ape
Reposted by torturemachine
So yeah I’m pouring bucket after bucket of hot oil over the ramparts and they’re not dispersing or screaming. They’re all milling about the gatehouse chatting away and doing big relaxed sighs like they can’t even feel it…. Then I notice the pleasant lavender aroma that’s wafting up…
August 28, 2025 at 12:39 AM
So yeah I’m pouring bucket after bucket of hot oil over the ramparts and they’re not dispersing or screaming. They’re all milling about the gatehouse chatting away and doing big relaxed sighs like they can’t even feel it…. Then I notice the pleasant lavender aroma that’s wafting up…
Reposted by torturemachine
The way my brutish minion Thumpley's face lights up when I command him to fetch his maul 😊
August 29, 2025 at 8:05 AM
The way my brutish minion Thumpley's face lights up when I command him to fetch his maul 😊
Reposted by torturemachine
My friend and I are convinced there's a bee outside
August 29, 2025 at 9:39 PM
My friend and I are convinced there's a bee outside
Reposted by torturemachine
(aborted manager in heaven) I would have loved to touch base with you…
August 25, 2025 at 4:45 PM
(aborted manager in heaven) I would have loved to touch base with you…
Reposted by torturemachine
In Pennsylvania, amish polycules have puppygirl-mills
August 14, 2025 at 7:10 PM
In Pennsylvania, amish polycules have puppygirl-mills
Reposted by torturemachine
Trying to get this goblin to smile so I scan the barcode his teeth make with my calorie counting app before I bite his head off and slurp up his insides
July 29, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Trying to get this goblin to smile so I scan the barcode his teeth make with my calorie counting app before I bite his head off and slurp up his insides
Reposted by torturemachine
alexa interesting smells near me
July 30, 2025 at 6:49 AM
alexa interesting smells near me
Reposted by torturemachine
i think we owe it to space not to go there until we have slain every tyrant
July 30, 2025 at 4:40 PM
i think we owe it to space not to go there until we have slain every tyrant
Reposted by torturemachine
country boys make goo
July 30, 2025 at 6:47 PM
country boys make goo
There is a puppy play epidemic in the city of Seattle. I believe lycanthropy is at play
July 21, 2025 at 3:33 AM
There is a puppy play epidemic in the city of Seattle. I believe lycanthropy is at play
The other night I had a dream that my work shoes were falling apart and I was really hungry so I just ate them. Like bit off the rubber parts and ate them. Then I got mad because I was like "Fuck I need those for work"
July 21, 2025 at 3:32 AM
The other night I had a dream that my work shoes were falling apart and I was really hungry so I just ate them. Like bit off the rubber parts and ate them. Then I got mad because I was like "Fuck I need those for work"
Reposted by torturemachine
(trying to strike up conversation with a beautiful woman) Multifandom enjoyers are eating good tonight.
July 19, 2025 at 5:15 AM
(trying to strike up conversation with a beautiful woman) Multifandom enjoyers are eating good tonight.
Reposted by torturemachine
every fig newton is covered in embalming dust because they were all made 1000 years ago in an Etruscan tomb
July 12, 2025 at 1:01 AM
every fig newton is covered in embalming dust because they were all made 1000 years ago in an Etruscan tomb
My arch nemesis, nurturemachine.bsky.social .....
Bluesky
nurturemachine.bsky.social
July 11, 2025 at 5:40 PM
My arch nemesis, nurturemachine.bsky.social .....
If I was a girl I'd make my boyfriend pay for my onlyfans
July 11, 2025 at 5:39 PM
If I was a girl I'd make my boyfriend pay for my onlyfans
Good afternoon Ben & Jerry, I have a pitch for a new icecream: Astroglide flavor
July 11, 2025 at 5:38 PM
Good afternoon Ben & Jerry, I have a pitch for a new icecream: Astroglide flavor
Went to the doctor and they probed all of my orifices and milked me of every fluid
July 11, 2025 at 5:37 PM
Went to the doctor and they probed all of my orifices and milked me of every fluid
you got my torturemachine senses tingling... and I love what you do with my ding-a-ling
July 11, 2025 at 5:36 PM
you got my torturemachine senses tingling... and I love what you do with my ding-a-ling
Reposted by torturemachine
me calling the pizza place and ordering pizza
"Hi, I know this sounds like a flimsy premise for a porno, but I could really use some assistance right now..."
July 11, 2025 at 4:14 PM
me calling the pizza place and ordering pizza
Reposted by torturemachine
referring to a job as an email-building souls-like
July 10, 2025 at 1:52 AM
referring to a job as an email-building souls-like