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theneedling.com
The Needling
@theneedling.com
12K followers 1.2K following 1.9K posts
Seattle's Only Real Fake News
(Satire/Parody)
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‘End of SNAP Benefits Could Be Good for Business,’ Says Owner of Torch & Pitchfork Emporium: tinyurl.com/48mw8sr6
Proud business owner holding pitchfork in front of pioneer town-style building with a sign reading "Torch & Pitchfork Emporium" and assortment of pitchforks and torches outside.
November 9, 2025 at 4:20 PM
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Dominatrix Adds Tracking Seattle Mayoral Election Results to BDSM Repertoire: tinyurl.com/mpravv8m
Scowling dominatrix wielding punishment stick in front of a projection screen showing Day 4 Seattle mayoral election results
November 8, 2025 at 2:48 AM
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Starbucks Wows Investors By Closing All Stores: tinyurl.com/3anhtzdn
Yellow tape labeled "Closed" posted in an "x" over the Starbucks mermaid logo on a cafe window
November 5, 2025 at 11:58 PM
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Desperate Mayor Harrell Takes First Bus Ride to Appeal to Katie Wilson Supporters: tinyurl.com/4f46km3p
Mayor Bruce Harrell looking around bus quizzically as press takes photographs of him
November 5, 2025 at 1:27 AM
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Who's gonna tell her she can stop now?
November 4, 2025 at 9:59 PM
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November 4, 2025 at 6:16 AM
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Introverted Salmon Anxious About Seeing Childhood Schoolmates In Spawning Stream: tinyurl.com/47vv6sdj
Red Chinook salmon staring blankly with mouth open
November 4, 2025 at 5:31 AM
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Weather Confirms Seattle Still Under Witch’s Curse: tinyurl.com/2b65t3j5
Witch guiding rain clouds over Seattle with wand
November 1, 2025 at 4:34 AM
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RFK Jr. Announces Plan to Extend Nation’s Average Lifespan with Little Bite on the Neck: tinyurl.com/yp2p2un4
Fanged RFK Jr. reaching out with a hand from behind a press conference podium with blood dribbling down sides of mouth
November 1, 2025 at 2:36 AM
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Harrell Argues Seattle Needs Mayor Who Can Afford Enough Childcare to Forget Own Child Even Exists: tinyurl.com/2sjh2ca5
Quote from mother of child Bruce Harrell doesn't talk about from report in Seattle Weekly: “It adds insult to injury for him to act like Evan doesn’t exist,” says Johnson, speaking by phone. She says Harrell has been diligent in paying child support over the years, but has had minimal face-to-face contact with her son—about three times in the past eight years.
October 31, 2025 at 7:16 PM
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Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz Experience Sexual Awakening After Playing Doctor Together: tinyurl.com/38shxejx
Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil looking intensely at each other as Dr. Oz holds one hand to his mouth while the other presses a stethoscope to Dr. Phil's naked chest
October 30, 2025 at 4:41 AM
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Mayor Harrell Sweeps Wheedle Off the Needle: tinyurl.com/4z63dc85
Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell looking on as a perturbed Wheedle tumbles off the top of the Space Needle with his pillow, blanket and ear muffs
October 28, 2025 at 5:18 AM
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East Bezos Ball Demolished to Make Way for More Ball Room: tinyurl.com/4hucab54
Two remaining Bezos Balls stand as the East Bezos Ball in Downtown Seattle gets demolished
October 25, 2025 at 5:32 AM
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Sasquatch Finds Himself: tinyurl.com/evya59nb
Silhouette of Sasquatch looking at beautiful sunset over forest
October 23, 2025 at 4:49 AM
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DSM-5 Now Includes Mariners Fanhood as a Legitimate Form of Depression: tinyurl.com/5e8a65zt
Man sitting on couch with head in hands with therapist holding clipboard reading "Mariners fan 25 years YIKES"
October 22, 2025 at 4:01 AM
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Spoiled Mariners Fan Wanted AL Pennant Too: tinyurl.com/38kt2eej
Disappointed and upset man sitting in room with Mariners poster on wall throwing his hands up in the air
October 21, 2025 at 3:22 AM
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Zombie Humpy Not Dead Yet, Just Looks Like It: tinyurl.com/4z3rc84c
Humpy from the Mariners Salmon Run in zombie fish form with eye drooping out of gray, decomposing head
October 21, 2025 at 12:21 AM
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ICE Detains Leaves as They Turn Brown: tinyurl.com/37euaejk
Masked ICE agents throwing bags of brown leaves in unmarked van
October 15, 2025 at 6:27 AM
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Mayor Harrell Announces Police Officers Will Recite Land Acknowledgement Before Sweeping Homeless Native Americans on Indigenous Peoples’ Day: tinyurl.com/35b9yp9f
Mayor Bruce Harrell speaking at podium with City Attorney Ann Davison behind him next to sign on wall reading "Happy Indigenous Peoples' Day"
October 13, 2025 at 7:50 PM
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Local White Man Honors Indigenous Peoples’ Day by Taking Entire Day Off from Talking About Being Seattle Native: tinyurl.com/24mwu5y5
White hipster man in beanie looking into the distance
October 13, 2025 at 7:02 PM
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Masked ICE Agents Infiltrate Portland Emergency Naked Bike Ride Protest: tinyurl.com/mryfpa4s
Man only wearing gimp mask and Oaklies with very small pixelated area below riding in naked bike ride
October 13, 2025 at 1:12 AM
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Archaeologists Find Leif Erikson Also First Explorer to Discover Parking on Market Street on a Sunday: tinyurl.com/yc6h57ur
Statue of Leif Erikson in Ballard
October 10, 2025 at 1:25 AM
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5 Fun Places to Go Apple Picking This Weekend Because ICE Scared Off All Their Farmworkers: tinyurl.com/r2rwezfe
White woman with blonde braids wearing a plaid button-up cuffed at the sleeves as she happily picks apples in the fall sunlight
October 9, 2025 at 5:58 AM
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Suggestive? Oh my ! 😱
October 8, 2025 at 7:03 AM
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Ballard Locks Apologizes for Inviting Community to ‘Come for Locktober’: tinyurl.com/bdza3h6y
Man at Ballard Locks celebrating Locktober in the foreground with man in background looking on his surprised horror
October 8, 2025 at 6:18 AM