The Needling
@theneedling.com
Seattle's Only Real Fake News
(Satire/Parody)
Have a hot headline tip? Send it to Submit@TheNeedling.com
TheNeedling.com
(Satire/Parody)
Have a hot headline tip? Send it to Submit@TheNeedling.com
TheNeedling.com
‘End of SNAP Benefits Could Be Good for Business,’ Says Owner of Torch & Pitchfork Emporium: tinyurl.com/48mw8sr6
November 9, 2025 at 4:20 PM
‘End of SNAP Benefits Could Be Good for Business,’ Says Owner of Torch & Pitchfork Emporium: tinyurl.com/48mw8sr6
Dominatrix Adds Tracking Seattle Mayoral Election Results to BDSM Repertoire: tinyurl.com/mpravv8m
November 8, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Dominatrix Adds Tracking Seattle Mayoral Election Results to BDSM Repertoire: tinyurl.com/mpravv8m
Starbucks Wows Investors By Closing All Stores: tinyurl.com/3anhtzdn
November 5, 2025 at 11:58 PM
Starbucks Wows Investors By Closing All Stores: tinyurl.com/3anhtzdn
Desperate Mayor Harrell Takes First Bus Ride to Appeal to Katie Wilson Supporters: tinyurl.com/4f46km3p
November 5, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Desperate Mayor Harrell Takes First Bus Ride to Appeal to Katie Wilson Supporters: tinyurl.com/4f46km3p
Who's gonna tell her she can stop now?
November 4, 2025 at 9:59 PM
Who's gonna tell her she can stop now?
Introverted Salmon Anxious About Seeing Childhood Schoolmates In Spawning Stream: tinyurl.com/47vv6sdj
November 4, 2025 at 5:31 AM
Introverted Salmon Anxious About Seeing Childhood Schoolmates In Spawning Stream: tinyurl.com/47vv6sdj
Weather Confirms Seattle Still Under Witch’s Curse: tinyurl.com/2b65t3j5
November 1, 2025 at 4:34 AM
Weather Confirms Seattle Still Under Witch’s Curse: tinyurl.com/2b65t3j5
RFK Jr. Announces Plan to Extend Nation’s Average Lifespan with Little Bite on the Neck: tinyurl.com/yp2p2un4
November 1, 2025 at 2:36 AM
RFK Jr. Announces Plan to Extend Nation’s Average Lifespan with Little Bite on the Neck: tinyurl.com/yp2p2un4
Harrell Argues Seattle Needs Mayor Who Can Afford Enough Childcare to Forget Own Child Even Exists: tinyurl.com/2sjh2ca5
October 31, 2025 at 7:16 PM
Harrell Argues Seattle Needs Mayor Who Can Afford Enough Childcare to Forget Own Child Even Exists: tinyurl.com/2sjh2ca5
Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz Experience Sexual Awakening After Playing Doctor Together: tinyurl.com/38shxejx
October 30, 2025 at 4:41 AM
Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz Experience Sexual Awakening After Playing Doctor Together: tinyurl.com/38shxejx
Mayor Harrell Sweeps Wheedle Off the Needle: tinyurl.com/4z63dc85
October 28, 2025 at 5:18 AM
Mayor Harrell Sweeps Wheedle Off the Needle: tinyurl.com/4z63dc85
East Bezos Ball Demolished to Make Way for More Ball Room: tinyurl.com/4hucab54
October 25, 2025 at 5:32 AM
East Bezos Ball Demolished to Make Way for More Ball Room: tinyurl.com/4hucab54
Sasquatch Finds Himself: tinyurl.com/evya59nb
October 23, 2025 at 4:49 AM
Sasquatch Finds Himself: tinyurl.com/evya59nb
DSM-5 Now Includes Mariners Fanhood as a Legitimate Form of Depression: tinyurl.com/5e8a65zt
October 22, 2025 at 4:01 AM
DSM-5 Now Includes Mariners Fanhood as a Legitimate Form of Depression: tinyurl.com/5e8a65zt
Spoiled Mariners Fan Wanted AL Pennant Too: tinyurl.com/38kt2eej
October 21, 2025 at 3:22 AM
Spoiled Mariners Fan Wanted AL Pennant Too: tinyurl.com/38kt2eej
Zombie Humpy Not Dead Yet, Just Looks Like It: tinyurl.com/4z3rc84c
October 21, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Zombie Humpy Not Dead Yet, Just Looks Like It: tinyurl.com/4z3rc84c
ICE Detains Leaves as They Turn Brown: tinyurl.com/37euaejk
October 15, 2025 at 6:27 AM
ICE Detains Leaves as They Turn Brown: tinyurl.com/37euaejk
Mayor Harrell Announces Police Officers Will Recite Land Acknowledgement Before Sweeping Homeless Native Americans on Indigenous Peoples’ Day: tinyurl.com/35b9yp9f
October 13, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Mayor Harrell Announces Police Officers Will Recite Land Acknowledgement Before Sweeping Homeless Native Americans on Indigenous Peoples’ Day: tinyurl.com/35b9yp9f
Local White Man Honors Indigenous Peoples’ Day by Taking Entire Day Off from Talking About Being Seattle Native: tinyurl.com/24mwu5y5
October 13, 2025 at 7:02 PM
Local White Man Honors Indigenous Peoples’ Day by Taking Entire Day Off from Talking About Being Seattle Native: tinyurl.com/24mwu5y5
Masked ICE Agents Infiltrate Portland Emergency Naked Bike Ride Protest: tinyurl.com/mryfpa4s
October 13, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Masked ICE Agents Infiltrate Portland Emergency Naked Bike Ride Protest: tinyurl.com/mryfpa4s
Archaeologists Find Leif Erikson Also First Explorer to Discover Parking on Market Street on a Sunday: tinyurl.com/yc6h57ur
October 10, 2025 at 1:25 AM
Archaeologists Find Leif Erikson Also First Explorer to Discover Parking on Market Street on a Sunday: tinyurl.com/yc6h57ur
5 Fun Places to Go Apple Picking This Weekend Because ICE Scared Off All Their Farmworkers: tinyurl.com/r2rwezfe
October 9, 2025 at 5:58 AM
5 Fun Places to Go Apple Picking This Weekend Because ICE Scared Off All Their Farmworkers: tinyurl.com/r2rwezfe
Suggestive? Oh my ! 😱
October 8, 2025 at 7:03 AM
Suggestive? Oh my ! 😱
Ballard Locks Apologizes for Inviting Community to ‘Come for Locktober’: tinyurl.com/bdza3h6y
October 8, 2025 at 6:18 AM
Ballard Locks Apologizes for Inviting Community to ‘Come for Locktober’: tinyurl.com/bdza3h6y