baseball is the best preparation for death because it does not come with a clock that tells you when your suffering will end one way or the other

Stop in to any of our Portland locations and try our (hopefully) limited time only, all-new Throwing Soup specials!

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Wildest shit at the Angle Lake station is a guy with a sick salmon tattoo asking if I live here + White Snake/monorail transfer directions. YOU HAVE THE LOCALEST INK MY GUY WHY AM I TELLING YOU ANYTHING?

Obviously this is all horrible but it’s pretty funny that everyone on the right keeps being like “Our vengeance will be swift and unyielding” and “The cry of the Valkyrie calls us to war” and then they just go and get Jimmy Kimmel fired.

DEBATE MODERATOR: Our next segment is called Remember Some Guys. Former Governor Cuomo, please begin.

CUOMO: Alex Rodriguez?

(crowd grumbling and booing; hot mic picks up someone saying "not a Guy")

MAMDANI: Lucas Duda

(crowd going nuts)

Jesus Christ

Jerry Dipoto:

A lot of this country’s problems boil down to straight white men who see themselves as some sort of default “normal” but any variation on that as “an identity” that is “political”

not sure there's a more embarrassing profession than ICE agent. Oh, you dress like a soldier to abduct sous chefs and throw flashbangs at protesters? Get a real job you loser

absolutely true (except New Jersey)

Trump Fights ABC Interviewer Over Photoshopped Image

youtu.be/g_LyYN-5YLk?...

Pretty confident the surefire way to be certain Trump kind of blows at golf is that we’re not being subjected to his highlight reel every Monday.

“Will you guys also consider releasing the president’s fitness plan?” the MyPillow lackey asked at today's press briefing. "He actually looks healthier than ever before... Is he working out with Bobby Kennedy, and is he eating less McDonald’s?”

www.independent.co.uk/news/world/a...

Absolutely incredible photo choice here. A+

At a Chili’s in Spokane sitting next to a woman at the bar who ordered a Coors Light with green olives. What a country.

I mean, “THIS IS WHEN THE FIRST BOMBS WILL DEFINITELY DROP” is a little beer league for a proper war plan.

I'm going to write a spy film set in Trump's America. Alerting the president that "Phoenix is missing and we do not have eyes" and he starts blinking real fast and says, "we don't know, that could maybe be good, maybe it could be very bad. But they never say good about me. On TV, they only say bad."

March has to be the best month for little bursts of deep mental recall. “Creighton is in Omaha” would not come leaking out in July.