The Shareholders
@the-shareholders.bsky.social
Satire
Why does no one think of us poor shareholders!?
(Anger is the appropriate response to the exploitation and abuse of workers, consumers and the world.)
Why does no one think of us poor shareholders!?
(Anger is the appropriate response to the exploitation and abuse of workers, consumers and the world.)
Publishers, remember us poor shareholders and don't publish your highly anticipated games on work days. All our workers are playing your games instead of making us profits.
The hunt is on! Hollow Knight: Silksong is available now on all platforms, including day one on Xbox Game Pass!
September 5, 2025 at 4:54 AM
Publishers, remember us poor shareholders and don't publish your highly anticipated games on work days. All our workers are playing your games instead of making us profits.
This is horrific. Our companies need that data to extract every last cent of your pathetic paycheck from your wallet. Think of the shareholders, don't install privacy apps.
Privacy Badger is now available on another mobile browser—Microsoft Edge for Android! Stop companies from spying on you while you browse the web on your phone. privacybadger.org/
Privacy Badger
privacybadger.org
September 5, 2025 at 4:39 AM
This is horrific. Our companies need that data to extract every last cent of your pathetic paycheck from your wallet. Think of the shareholders, don't install privacy apps.
Finally, someone is thinking about us poor shareholders!
August 5, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Finally, someone is thinking about us poor shareholders!
Contrary to popular belief, we aren't heartless. So we have introduced buy now pay later for groceries. #ShareholdersCare
The vast majority of American adults are stressed about the cost of groceries, a new poll finds, as prices continue to rise and concerns about the impact of Trump’s tariffs remain widespread.
The vast majority of US adults are stressed about grocery costs, an AP-NORC poll finds
A new poll finds the vast majority of U.S. adults are feeling some stress about the cost of groceries, as prices continue to rise and concerns about the impact of President Donald Trump’s tariffs rema...
apnews.com
August 5, 2025 at 6:20 PM
Contrary to popular belief, we aren't heartless. So we have introduced buy now pay later for groceries. #ShareholdersCare
We thank Americans everywhere for paying us interest on all those purchases and keeping corporations and the shareholders flush with money.
Americans owe a collective $1.21 trillion in credit card debt — tying last year's all-time high.
August 5, 2025 at 5:58 PM
We thank Americans everywhere for paying us interest on all those purchases and keeping corporations and the shareholders flush with money.
Staff cost money, and we already paid for the shelves. Our marketing team is also beside themselves at how much customers data they'll get from new users. Think of the poor shareholders profit margin
Instead of staffing stores, paying workers, and not locking up products, CVS has decided their simple solution is to make you:
1. Download the CVS app
2. Sign up for their loyalty program
3. Connect to the store wifi
4. Enable Bluetooth
5. Unlock the cabinet
1. Download the CVS app
2. Sign up for their loyalty program
3. Connect to the store wifi
4. Enable Bluetooth
5. Unlock the cabinet
January 29, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Staff cost money, and we already paid for the shelves. Our marketing team is also beside themselves at how much customers data they'll get from new users. Think of the poor shareholders profit margin
Of course we did. We specifically told our dev teams to only code the features that make us the most money, and also without bugs.
One way to win the economic competition with China would be to make apps that don't suck shit. Have you considered that
January 29, 2025 at 5:34 AM
Of course we did. We specifically told our dev teams to only code the features that make us the most money, and also without bugs.
It's horrible. Profitable resources just given away to anyone for free. What's next, unionized workforces? Think of us poor shareholders before doing something so unethical.
it says a lot about an industry if a free and open source alternative to every product on the market can destroy 1 trillion dollars of “value” in one day lol
January 28, 2025 at 5:17 AM
It's horrible. Profitable resources just given away to anyone for free. What's next, unionized workforces? Think of us poor shareholders before doing something so unethical.
Expensive and ineffective? That's not how you earn a profit. Someone's performance review won't be good.
The cost of Donold’s first deportation flights, carrying about 80 migrants each, cost up to $852,000 per trip.
January 26, 2025 at 6:34 AM
Expensive and ineffective? That's not how you earn a profit. Someone's performance review won't be good.
Wait, gear us out, worker raises means less profit for us poor shareholders. We have to pay ourselves first.
This is what we mean when we talk about corporate greed: Starbucks gave its CEO $96 million for just 4 months of work. Meanwhile, Starbucks is refusing to offer a raise of more than 50 cents an hour to 12,000 union workers.
That's unacceptable. Starbucks must end their greed.
That's unacceptable. Starbucks must end their greed.
January 25, 2025 at 11:25 PM
Wait, gear us out, worker raises means less profit for us poor shareholders. We have to pay ourselves first.
We don't like this. No product on shelves means no profit for us poor shareholders.
Who else is seeing empty grocery shelves where eggs used to be? And why aren’t MAGA cultists complaining about the shortage and soaring egg prices? 🥚
January 25, 2025 at 11:23 PM
We don't like this. No product on shelves means no profit for us poor shareholders.
We're on it! We'll get R&D to automate the chatbot and get HR to terminate the users. It'll turn those wages to profit. This person is thinking of the poor shareholders!
if you can’t do your job without a chatbot doing your job for you, maybe you shouldn’t have that job
January 23, 2025 at 9:19 PM
We're on it! We'll get R&D to automate the chatbot and get HR to terminate the users. It'll turn those wages to profit. This person is thinking of the poor shareholders!
Everyone gives us heck about the self driving profit mobiles, but all us poor shareholders really wanted to be rail barons like our grandfathers.
as an urbanist, of course I'm against filling the roads with private taxis for your burritos
we should be transporting burritos via light rail!
we should be transporting burritos via light rail!
January 23, 2025 at 5:03 AM
Everyone gives us heck about the self driving profit mobiles, but all us poor shareholders really wanted to be rail barons like our grandfathers.
We're honestly trying to buy them all. The ones we haven't bought yet keep saying mean things about us poor shareholders
What independent media website, podcast, or newsletter do you recommend paying for?
I won't burry myself with bad news, but I need to stay informed.
I won't burry myself with bad news, but I need to stay informed.
January 22, 2025 at 6:29 AM
We're honestly trying to buy them all. The ones we haven't bought yet keep saying mean things about us poor shareholders
These union workers are going to strike and leave this company's poor shareholders without any profit. Horrible!
Costco's unionized workers vote to authorize nationwide strike
The Teamsters union released the results of the strike vote on Sunday evening.
abcnews.go.com
January 21, 2025 at 5:38 PM
These union workers are going to strike and leave this company's poor shareholders without any profit. Horrible!
Oh, good!
Our loyalty is to profits, so the poor shareholders are off the hook.
Our loyalty is to profits, so the poor shareholders are off the hook.
January 21, 2025 at 5:33 AM
Oh, good!
Our loyalty is to profits, so the poor shareholders are off the hook.
Our loyalty is to profits, so the poor shareholders are off the hook.
Why would we willingly give up profits? Gotta think of the poor shareholders first
My grocery store doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo that prices were supposed to auto-magically go down when that yam-faced fuckopotamus won the election.
January 21, 2025 at 5:24 AM
Why would we willingly give up profits? Gotta think of the poor shareholders first
Wild indeed! Now we can use an unpaid intern with a free notepad app to do the same work for more profit. All in the name of profit for us poor shareholders
15 years ago, it was common enough for the company employing a professional programmer to pay:
$5,400 per year for their IDE (Visual Studio with MSDN subscription)
+ $249 per year for a better autocomplete extension (ReSharper)
The productivity increase justified these costs!
Wild, huh?
$5,400 per year for their IDE (Visual Studio with MSDN subscription)
+ $249 per year for a better autocomplete extension (ReSharper)
The productivity increase justified these costs!
Wild, huh?
January 20, 2025 at 10:24 PM
Wild indeed! Now we can use an unpaid intern with a free notepad app to do the same work for more profit. All in the name of profit for us poor shareholders
We like these numbers. Please make them move in the right direction for us poor shareholders.
January 20, 2025 at 5:27 PM
We like these numbers. Please make them move in the right direction for us poor shareholders.
Remember, you are all equally exploitable for profit. All in service to the poor shareholders.
January 20, 2025 at 5:22 AM
Remember, you are all equally exploitable for profit. All in service to the poor shareholders.
Why shouldn't "thing that already exists, but much worse" be making profit for us poor shareholders?
Tech bros are always like, “what if this thing that already exists, but much worse, and instead it made *us* money?”
January 17, 2025 at 4:24 PM
Why shouldn't "thing that already exists, but much worse" be making profit for us poor shareholders?
They just didn't give us enough time to resolve the issue, all the children would have become legal adults sooner or later. This is unjust punishment of us poor shareholders.
Two of the biggest meatpacking companies will pay $8 million after the Department of Labor found migrant children working in slaughterhouses for years.
Perdue Farms and JBS had kids operating dangerous tools on the graveyard shift.
Some minors were maimed and burned on the job.
Perdue Farms and JBS had kids operating dangerous tools on the graveyard shift.
Some minors were maimed and burned on the job.
January 17, 2025 at 4:21 PM
They just didn't give us enough time to resolve the issue, all the children would have become legal adults sooner or later. This is unjust punishment of us poor shareholders.
This AI stuff is expensive to develop and run. Of course we released it to the public so it could start earning its keep. Gotta ensure profits stay strong for the poor shareholders.
January 17, 2025 at 3:08 PM
This AI stuff is expensive to develop and run. Of course we released it to the public so it could start earning its keep. Gotta ensure profits stay strong for the poor shareholders.
We agree, after a long day of exploiting workers and customers, you sometimes just want pancakes.
January 17, 2025 at 1:07 PM
We agree, after a long day of exploiting workers and customers, you sometimes just want pancakes.
We do love our profits. We'll have to exploit our workers and customers harder and see if we can make it an 80-year high. For the poor shareholders of course.
January 17, 2025 at 4:16 AM
We do love our profits. We'll have to exploit our workers and customers harder and see if we can make it an 80-year high. For the poor shareholders of course.