Tank
@tank-the-golden.bsky.social
hey. it me.
🐶 chaos retriever
🧸 every toy: alive → fluff → crime scene
💦 drool artist. floors stay slippery.
🪨 rock collector. rock enthusiast. rock academic. (I love my rock)
🥪 do NOT set food down near me.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
🐶 chaos retriever
🧸 every toy: alive → fluff → crime scene
💦 drool artist. floors stay slippery.
🪨 rock collector. rock enthusiast. rock academic. (I love my rock)
🥪 do NOT set food down near me.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
Reposted by Tank
Who says we can’t have pie for breakfast? 🥧
November 30, 2025 at 11:45 AM
Who says we can’t have pie for breakfast? 🥧
roo: “we’re watching birds.”
me: “copy.”
immediately forgets what birds are
something flaps. i gasp. that’s a sky fish.
roo says “no.”
the sky fish makes eye contact... and whispered my government name and i—
#TankTheGolden #DogLogic #BirdsArentReal
me: “copy.”
immediately forgets what birds are
something flaps. i gasp. that’s a sky fish.
roo says “no.”
the sky fish makes eye contact... and whispered my government name and i—
#TankTheGolden #DogLogic #BirdsArentReal
November 30, 2025 at 12:32 PM
roo: “we’re watching birds.”
me: “copy.”
immediately forgets what birds are
something flaps. i gasp. that’s a sky fish.
roo says “no.”
the sky fish makes eye contact... and whispered my government name and i—
#TankTheGolden #DogLogic #BirdsArentReal
me: “copy.”
immediately forgets what birds are
something flaps. i gasp. that’s a sky fish.
roo says “no.”
the sky fish makes eye contact... and whispered my government name and i—
#TankTheGolden #DogLogic #BirdsArentReal
3 days ➜ 365 days.
from soggy newborn peanut to full-sized chaos goblin.
born on Thanksgiving, raised on snacks, fueled by bad decisions.
happy birthday to Tank: the dog, the myth, the carpet-shredder.
#TankTheGolden #BirthdayBoy #GlowUpDog #GoldenRetrievers
from soggy newborn peanut to full-sized chaos goblin.
born on Thanksgiving, raised on snacks, fueled by bad decisions.
happy birthday to Tank: the dog, the myth, the carpet-shredder.
#TankTheGolden #BirthdayBoy #GlowUpDog #GoldenRetrievers
November 28, 2025 at 2:28 PM
3 days ➜ 365 days.
from soggy newborn peanut to full-sized chaos goblin.
born on Thanksgiving, raised on snacks, fueled by bad decisions.
happy birthday to Tank: the dog, the myth, the carpet-shredder.
#TankTheGolden #BirthdayBoy #GlowUpDog #GoldenRetrievers
from soggy newborn peanut to full-sized chaos goblin.
born on Thanksgiving, raised on snacks, fueled by bad decisions.
happy birthday to Tank: the dog, the myth, the carpet-shredder.
#TankTheGolden #BirthdayBoy #GlowUpDog #GoldenRetrievers
today is thanksgiving.
i was born on thanksgiving.
do you understand what that means.
i am the turkey chosen one.
the gravy prophet.
the stuffing sorcerer.
tomorrow is my birthday and i expect tribute.
preferably in the form of forbidden snacks and zero rules.
#TankTheGolden #ChaosBlessings
i was born on thanksgiving.
do you understand what that means.
i am the turkey chosen one.
the gravy prophet.
the stuffing sorcerer.
tomorrow is my birthday and i expect tribute.
preferably in the form of forbidden snacks and zero rules.
#TankTheGolden #ChaosBlessings
November 27, 2025 at 2:47 PM
today is thanksgiving.
i was born on thanksgiving.
do you understand what that means.
i am the turkey chosen one.
the gravy prophet.
the stuffing sorcerer.
tomorrow is my birthday and i expect tribute.
preferably in the form of forbidden snacks and zero rules.
#TankTheGolden #ChaosBlessings
i was born on thanksgiving.
do you understand what that means.
i am the turkey chosen one.
the gravy prophet.
the stuffing sorcerer.
tomorrow is my birthday and i expect tribute.
preferably in the form of forbidden snacks and zero rules.
#TankTheGolden #ChaosBlessings
i was simply resting. thinking about snacks.
then my brain whispered
“what if the mailman is actually 3 raccoons in a trench coat”
and now i can’t unsee it and i’m about to bark myself into a new dimension
#UnhingedDog #TankTheGolden #DogsOfBluesky
then my brain whispered
“what if the mailman is actually 3 raccoons in a trench coat”
and now i can’t unsee it and i’m about to bark myself into a new dimension
#UnhingedDog #TankTheGolden #DogsOfBluesky
November 26, 2025 at 4:37 PM
i was simply resting. thinking about snacks.
then my brain whispered
“what if the mailman is actually 3 raccoons in a trench coat”
and now i can’t unsee it and i’m about to bark myself into a new dimension
#UnhingedDog #TankTheGolden #DogsOfBluesky
then my brain whispered
“what if the mailman is actually 3 raccoons in a trench coat”
and now i can’t unsee it and i’m about to bark myself into a new dimension
#UnhingedDog #TankTheGolden #DogsOfBluesky
shhhhh… i’m “asleep.”
not bc i’m tired. no.
i am gathering power.
each nap increases my chaos stats by 12%.
once i reach full charge i will rise from this couch like a golden cryptid and eat an entire throw pillow just to prove i can.
#TankTheGolden #SleepGoblin #UnhingedDog
not bc i’m tired. no.
i am gathering power.
each nap increases my chaos stats by 12%.
once i reach full charge i will rise from this couch like a golden cryptid and eat an entire throw pillow just to prove i can.
#TankTheGolden #SleepGoblin #UnhingedDog
November 25, 2025 at 5:06 PM
shhhhh… i’m “asleep.”
not bc i’m tired. no.
i am gathering power.
each nap increases my chaos stats by 12%.
once i reach full charge i will rise from this couch like a golden cryptid and eat an entire throw pillow just to prove i can.
#TankTheGolden #SleepGoblin #UnhingedDog
not bc i’m tired. no.
i am gathering power.
each nap increases my chaos stats by 12%.
once i reach full charge i will rise from this couch like a golden cryptid and eat an entire throw pillow just to prove i can.
#TankTheGolden #SleepGoblin #UnhingedDog
just enjoying the view and—IS THAT A BIRD?? NOPE. DRONE. GOVERNMENT DRONE. I KNEW IT. I KNEW THEY WERE SPYING ON MY SNACK HABITS.
#BirdsArentReal #TankTheGolden #DogConspiracy
#BirdsArentReal #TankTheGolden #DogConspiracy
November 24, 2025 at 12:26 PM
just enjoying the view and—IS THAT A BIRD?? NOPE. DRONE. GOVERNMENT DRONE. I KNEW IT. I KNEW THEY WERE SPYING ON MY SNACK HABITS.
#BirdsArentReal #TankTheGolden #DogConspiracy
#BirdsArentReal #TankTheGolden #DogConspiracy
I was born on Thanksgiving,
which scientifically makes me 40% turkey,
30% chaos,
and 30% crumbs found under the table.
Today I stare into the Pool of Destiny.
The Floating Orb calls to me…
“Pilgrim… leap.”
No.
I will NOT become soup before dinner.
#ThanksgivingBaby #OrbOfTurkey #TankTheGolden
which scientifically makes me 40% turkey,
30% chaos,
and 30% crumbs found under the table.
Today I stare into the Pool of Destiny.
The Floating Orb calls to me…
“Pilgrim… leap.”
No.
I will NOT become soup before dinner.
#ThanksgivingBaby #OrbOfTurkey #TankTheGolden
November 23, 2025 at 11:03 AM
I was born on Thanksgiving,
which scientifically makes me 40% turkey,
30% chaos,
and 30% crumbs found under the table.
Today I stare into the Pool of Destiny.
The Floating Orb calls to me…
“Pilgrim… leap.”
No.
I will NOT become soup before dinner.
#ThanksgivingBaby #OrbOfTurkey #TankTheGolden
which scientifically makes me 40% turkey,
30% chaos,
and 30% crumbs found under the table.
Today I stare into the Pool of Destiny.
The Floating Orb calls to me…
“Pilgrim… leap.”
No.
I will NOT become soup before dinner.
#ThanksgivingBaby #OrbOfTurkey #TankTheGolden
hELLO it IS I.
tank.
i went 2 the park today & immediately lost ALL thoughts except:
• dig hole
• water bowl is soup
• run in circle
• forget where mom is
• remember mom is the snack dealer
then i smiled bc i am perfect.
#ParkGoblin #UnleashedChaos #GoldenRetrievers #TankTheGolden
tank.
i went 2 the park today & immediately lost ALL thoughts except:
• dig hole
• water bowl is soup
• run in circle
• forget where mom is
• remember mom is the snack dealer
then i smiled bc i am perfect.
#ParkGoblin #UnleashedChaos #GoldenRetrievers #TankTheGolden
November 22, 2025 at 2:06 PM
hELLO it IS I.
tank.
i went 2 the park today & immediately lost ALL thoughts except:
• dig hole
• water bowl is soup
• run in circle
• forget where mom is
• remember mom is the snack dealer
then i smiled bc i am perfect.
#ParkGoblin #UnleashedChaos #GoldenRetrievers #TankTheGolden
tank.
i went 2 the park today & immediately lost ALL thoughts except:
• dig hole
• water bowl is soup
• run in circle
• forget where mom is
• remember mom is the snack dealer
then i smiled bc i am perfect.
#ParkGoblin #UnleashedChaos #GoldenRetrievers #TankTheGolden
Reposted by Tank
🔥🐕 Firefly doesn’t race other dogs... she races the four-wheeler. And somehow she’s keeping up. Long legs, laser focus, pure joy. This girl runs like the wind itself is coaching her. 🌬️⚡️
#FastDog #GoodGirlEnergy #DogsOfBluesky #FarmLife
#FastDog #GoodGirlEnergy #DogsOfBluesky #FarmLife
November 21, 2025 at 1:06 AM
🔥🐕 Firefly doesn’t race other dogs... she races the four-wheeler. And somehow she’s keeping up. Long legs, laser focus, pure joy. This girl runs like the wind itself is coaching her. 🌬️⚡️
#FastDog #GoodGirlEnergy #DogsOfBluesky #FarmLife
#FastDog #GoodGirlEnergy #DogsOfBluesky #FarmLife
Bro.
I am a Golden Retriever.
I am built for hugs, snacks, and light emotional manipulation.
NOT spiritual combat with a blue space criminal in a Santa outfit.
Why is he smiling??
Why is he HERE??
Why does he LOOK like he knows I ate half a roll of toilet paper this morning??
#ThanksgivingThreat
I am a Golden Retriever.
I am built for hugs, snacks, and light emotional manipulation.
NOT spiritual combat with a blue space criminal in a Santa outfit.
Why is he smiling??
Why is he HERE??
Why does he LOOK like he knows I ate half a roll of toilet paper this morning??
#ThanksgivingThreat
November 21, 2025 at 1:58 PM
Bro.
I am a Golden Retriever.
I am built for hugs, snacks, and light emotional manipulation.
NOT spiritual combat with a blue space criminal in a Santa outfit.
Why is he smiling??
Why is he HERE??
Why does he LOOK like he knows I ate half a roll of toilet paper this morning??
#ThanksgivingThreat
I am a Golden Retriever.
I am built for hugs, snacks, and light emotional manipulation.
NOT spiritual combat with a blue space criminal in a Santa outfit.
Why is he smiling??
Why is he HERE??
Why does he LOOK like he knows I ate half a roll of toilet paper this morning??
#ThanksgivingThreat
you worked all day?
that’s crazy.
i ate a leaf and rolled around on the floor like a wet potato.
we are NOT the same.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #CertifiedMenace
that’s crazy.
i ate a leaf and rolled around on the floor like a wet potato.
we are NOT the same.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #CertifiedMenace
November 20, 2025 at 2:30 PM
you worked all day?
that’s crazy.
i ate a leaf and rolled around on the floor like a wet potato.
we are NOT the same.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #CertifiedMenace
that’s crazy.
i ate a leaf and rolled around on the floor like a wet potato.
we are NOT the same.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #CertifiedMenace
I am currently being held hostage by a cat.
He has claimed my tail.
I have chosen stillness to survive.
Send snacks.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #CatBoss #TankAndCat
He has claimed my tail.
I have chosen stillness to survive.
Send snacks.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #CatBoss #TankAndCat
November 19, 2025 at 3:12 PM
I am currently being held hostage by a cat.
He has claimed my tail.
I have chosen stillness to survive.
Send snacks.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #CatBoss #TankAndCat
He has claimed my tail.
I have chosen stillness to survive.
Send snacks.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #CatBoss #TankAndCat
thinking real hard about… uh…
something important…
hold on…
nope.
gone.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #DetectiveTank #ChaosDog
something important…
hold on…
nope.
gone.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #DetectiveTank #ChaosDog
November 18, 2025 at 10:20 AM
thinking real hard about… uh…
something important…
hold on…
nope.
gone.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #DetectiveTank #ChaosDog
something important…
hold on…
nope.
gone.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #DetectiveTank #ChaosDog
behold: my Beef Cheek of Destiny.
do NOT touch it.
do NOT look at it.
do NOT even think about it.
I will defend this snack with the passion of 1,000 suns.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #SnackGoblin
do NOT touch it.
do NOT look at it.
do NOT even think about it.
I will defend this snack with the passion of 1,000 suns.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #SnackGoblin
November 17, 2025 at 11:35 AM
behold: my Beef Cheek of Destiny.
do NOT touch it.
do NOT look at it.
do NOT even think about it.
I will defend this snack with the passion of 1,000 suns.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #SnackGoblin
do NOT touch it.
do NOT look at it.
do NOT even think about it.
I will defend this snack with the passion of 1,000 suns.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #SnackGoblin
spin spin spin
—BUFFER—
freeze like my brain just blue-screened—
brain: 404 not found
then SPRINT behind the bush like I heard rent was due.
#DogsOfBluesky #GoldenRetriever #Zoomies #ChaosDog #TankEnergy
—BUFFER—
freeze like my brain just blue-screened—
brain: 404 not found
then SPRINT behind the bush like I heard rent was due.
#DogsOfBluesky #GoldenRetriever #Zoomies #ChaosDog #TankEnergy
November 16, 2025 at 1:07 PM
spin spin spin
—BUFFER—
freeze like my brain just blue-screened—
brain: 404 not found
then SPRINT behind the bush like I heard rent was due.
#DogsOfBluesky #GoldenRetriever #Zoomies #ChaosDog #TankEnergy
—BUFFER—
freeze like my brain just blue-screened—
brain: 404 not found
then SPRINT behind the bush like I heard rent was due.
#DogsOfBluesky #GoldenRetriever #Zoomies #ChaosDog #TankEnergy
I saw Dad’s sandwich.
I wanted Dad’s sandwich.
Now I have Dad’s sandwich.
Manifestation works.
#TankBrain #GoldenRetriever #FoodIsLife #dogsofbluesky
I wanted Dad’s sandwich.
Now I have Dad’s sandwich.
Manifestation works.
#TankBrain #GoldenRetriever #FoodIsLife #dogsofbluesky
November 15, 2025 at 12:02 PM
I saw Dad’s sandwich.
I wanted Dad’s sandwich.
Now I have Dad’s sandwich.
Manifestation works.
#TankBrain #GoldenRetriever #FoodIsLife #dogsofbluesky
I wanted Dad’s sandwich.
Now I have Dad’s sandwich.
Manifestation works.
#TankBrain #GoldenRetriever #FoodIsLife #dogsofbluesky
Look into my eyes.
Now try to eat that snack without sharing.
I’ll wait.
#TankTheGolden #DogsOfBluesky #TooCuteToSayNo
Now try to eat that snack without sharing.
I’ll wait.
#TankTheGolden #DogsOfBluesky #TooCuteToSayNo
November 13, 2025 at 2:54 PM
Look into my eyes.
Now try to eat that snack without sharing.
I’ll wait.
#TankTheGolden #DogsOfBluesky #TooCuteToSayNo
Now try to eat that snack without sharing.
I’ll wait.
#TankTheGolden #DogsOfBluesky #TooCuteToSayNo
Been off the grid.
Touching grass.
Smelling trees.
Doing the work.
#GoldenRetriever #DogMentalHealth #SmellTherapy #DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
Touching grass.
Smelling trees.
Doing the work.
#GoldenRetriever #DogMentalHealth #SmellTherapy #DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
November 12, 2025 at 12:26 PM
Been off the grid.
Touching grass.
Smelling trees.
Doing the work.
#GoldenRetriever #DogMentalHealth #SmellTherapy #DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
Touching grass.
Smelling trees.
Doing the work.
#GoldenRetriever #DogMentalHealth #SmellTherapy #DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
New intruder detected.
Ears large. Smile suspicious. Outfit red.
Initiated one (1) warning boof.
Target remains unfazed.
Escalation imminent.
#TankTheGolden #DogVsDecorations #StitchStandoff
Ears large. Smile suspicious. Outfit red.
Initiated one (1) warning boof.
Target remains unfazed.
Escalation imminent.
#TankTheGolden #DogVsDecorations #StitchStandoff
November 5, 2025 at 8:19 PM
New intruder detected.
Ears large. Smile suspicious. Outfit red.
Initiated one (1) warning boof.
Target remains unfazed.
Escalation imminent.
#TankTheGolden #DogVsDecorations #StitchStandoff
Ears large. Smile suspicious. Outfit red.
Initiated one (1) warning boof.
Target remains unfazed.
Escalation imminent.
#TankTheGolden #DogVsDecorations #StitchStandoff
Reposted by Tank
This is Finn. His human stopped scratching his back, so he had to take matters into his own hands. 13/10 (TT: anna.ve.w)
November 5, 2025 at 4:27 PM
This is Finn. His human stopped scratching his back, so he had to take matters into his own hands. 13/10 (TT: anna.ve.w)
Tank, Director of Snack Procurement.
Conducting a surprise audit on Mom’s cracker inventory. Results pending.
“Q4 cracker security is alarmingly lax. Recommend increased surveillance.”
“Employee morale improves 87% when snacks are shared. Science.”
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
Conducting a surprise audit on Mom’s cracker inventory. Results pending.
“Q4 cracker security is alarmingly lax. Recommend increased surveillance.”
“Employee morale improves 87% when snacks are shared. Science.”
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
November 3, 2025 at 7:55 PM
Tank, Director of Snack Procurement.
Conducting a surprise audit on Mom’s cracker inventory. Results pending.
“Q4 cracker security is alarmingly lax. Recommend increased surveillance.”
“Employee morale improves 87% when snacks are shared. Science.”
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
Conducting a surprise audit on Mom’s cracker inventory. Results pending.
“Q4 cracker security is alarmingly lax. Recommend increased surveillance.”
“Employee morale improves 87% when snacks are shared. Science.”
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
November 2, 2025 at 11:47 AM
Bailey: They said we’re “on watch.”
Tank: Good. Means they’re scared.
Bailey: Of what?
Tank: Of what we’ll do next.
#TankTheGolden #FeralEnergy #DogLogic
Tank: Good. Means they’re scared.
Bailey: Of what?
Tank: Of what we’ll do next.
#TankTheGolden #FeralEnergy #DogLogic
November 1, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Bailey: They said we’re “on watch.”
Tank: Good. Means they’re scared.
Bailey: Of what?
Tank: Of what we’ll do next.
#TankTheGolden #FeralEnergy #DogLogic
Tank: Good. Means they’re scared.
Bailey: Of what?
Tank: Of what we’ll do next.
#TankTheGolden #FeralEnergy #DogLogic
Bark at the door.
Humans open it.
Stare into their soul.
Take treat.
#TankTheGolden #HowToHalloween #TrickOrTreatTactics
Humans open it.
Stare into their soul.
Take treat.
#TankTheGolden #HowToHalloween #TrickOrTreatTactics
October 31, 2025 at 1:33 PM
Bark at the door.
Humans open it.
Stare into their soul.
Take treat.
#TankTheGolden #HowToHalloween #TrickOrTreatTactics
Humans open it.
Stare into their soul.
Take treat.
#TankTheGolden #HowToHalloween #TrickOrTreatTactics