theonion.com/show-me-wher...

Every day my brain is shocked and disgusted that I would try to use it for its intended purpose

once i remember why i walked into this room it's over for you all

Wrote 20k+ words in two days and I can't tell if I just had an epiphany or if I'm in a manic episode but what's the difference tbh

Tummy hurts but I'm gonna be brave and still go to the library like I planned

Lesbian heartbreak so bad I'm scared to check my credit card balance

i have to fight a tooth AND a nail?!

Depressive episode so bad I actually pulled out one of my old WIPs and revised it

My body as soon as I turned 25: if you eat this thing you’ve been fine with your whole life you’re going to shit yourself for a hundred years

Everyone needs to shut the fuck up for three whole days

Looks like if you use a VPN while making a new tiktok account it'll let you back in

Me frantically downloading all my tiktok faves after realizing most of them are american and even though I'll still have my account, I'll lose them

them: why can’t you get into your house

chef: gnocchi

Made a breakfast burrito so good I'll never be able to top it. Riding this high...

People think Ethan Slater dating Ariana is weird have never been in a theatre group with the one weird comic relief guy who gets his dick wet constantly.

My high school did Les Mis my senior year and the guy who played Thénardier looked like a clown, and that boy climbed in every girl’s clown car.

A tui sips nectar from the flowers of the New Zealand Flax. #birds #nature #photography #newzealand

Over five years as an exmormon and I have only just found the way I actually like coffee. Dirty chai, my beloved ☕️

I think instead of saying “namaste” at yoga we should say “ohhh BIG stretch” like we do with our pets