me: good morning Killbot

killbot: good morning sir, shall i kill you this morning sir or prepare a smoothie

me: smoothie please

killbot: excellent choice sir i shall try again tomorrow

Everything’s going to be ok now, Doofy is here for you ♥️

#Cat #Cats #CatsOfBluesky #CatLover

I think now is the time to get into dropshipping.

TEEN: you’re the only one who understands me danny. my stupid dad won’t let me go see billie eilish with gretchen
AI CHATBOT DANIEL PLAINVIEW FROM THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Your father is a bastard. Fit for a hole in the ground. You will go with Gretchen. Even if your father must die, as a bastard dies

Homeschoolers should have to pay double property taxes to offset the cost of regular kids having to explain everything to them later

“Nature abhors a vacuum” is my litmus test. Hey doofus, most matter is empty space!

The optimal oven temperature for pizza is 250 F. Perfect, soft, pale crust every time.

I should become a chiropractor, I could do some good work there.

having bagel @ 3am: oooWWEEEEeeeee

all my ape and $hawk gone :(

“Government sex offender” in bio.

Liberal media is telling me I can’t put my hand on the hot stove, I’ll show them what they don’t know!

Lightning cracks radially out like a sky shattered. Thunder claps as if a madman throwing down bowling pins. A face descends, enveloping the horizon. Through cracked, ravenous lips the face booms out: “Here’s the thing, Jack.”

#backonhere

wonderful bagel breakfast. just a little cream cheese and a cup of coffee. wow. what a way to start the day. i am capable of tremendous acts of evil

eating wendy’s. it’s when deez nuts are frosty (i’m sorry).

baby shoes for sale, never used. weird barefoot family.

i hate chuck.

it’s pronounced blue-ski, like brewski.