Rob Everett
@robever1980.bsky.social
Music enthusiast (punk, post punk, new wave, ska, power pop, rockabilly). Mets, Islanders, Manchester United fan. I have a brain and I have a heart. Both are in love for real!
Reposted by Rob Everett
Guaranteed survival tips.
How to Gaslight Your MAGA Relatives on Thanksgiving
Helpful tips!
www.borowitzreport.com
November 27, 2025 at 12:18 PM
Guaranteed survival tips.
Reposted by Rob Everett
In Buenos Aires, Trump was greeted by an angry anti-immigrant mob.
Trump Flees to Argentina
"I can see where this is going," he said.
www.borowitzreport.com
November 6, 2025 at 1:15 AM
In Buenos Aires, Trump was greeted by an angry anti-immigrant mob.
Reposted by Rob Everett
The East Wing of the White House now looks like something Pete Hegseth drove into
October 29, 2025 at 3:23 PM
The East Wing of the White House now looks like something Pete Hegseth drove into
The Nazis used propaganda to win the support of millions of Germans in the 1930's. Censorship helped to suppress ideas that the Nazis saw as threatening. Pay attention, America! The silencing of Jimmy Kimmel is not a new trick. It is a sequel being run 90 years later.
September 20, 2025 at 12:24 AM
The Nazis used propaganda to win the support of millions of Germans in the 1930's. Censorship helped to suppress ideas that the Nazis saw as threatening. Pay attention, America! The silencing of Jimmy Kimmel is not a new trick. It is a sequel being run 90 years later.
Reposted by Rob Everett
“We’re afraid that the Russian will trick him into signing something away,” an associate of the geriatric man said.
Russian Lures Confused Old Man to Alaska in Elder Scam
“We’re afraid the Russian will trick him into signing something away," said an associate of the geriatric dupe.
www.borowitzreport.com
August 14, 2025 at 2:27 PM
“We’re afraid that the Russian will trick him into signing something away,” an associate of the geriatric man said.
Reposted by Rob Everett
“Get a bunch of those squeaky old tanks rolling down the streets and you won’t see anyone for miles.”
DC Mayor Says Best Way for Trump to Empty Streets is by Throwing Another Birthday Parade
“Get a bunch of those squeaky old tanks rolling down the streets and you won’t see anyone for miles," Mayor Bowser said.
www.borowitzreport.com
August 11, 2025 at 10:47 PM
“Get a bunch of those squeaky old tanks rolling down the streets and you won’t see anyone for miles.”
Reposted by Rob Everett
“The American economy added a million new jobs in May and a billion new jobs in June,” Santos declared.
Trump Taps George Santos to Head Dept. Of Labor Statistics
Beltway insiders are calling it one of the most stunning political comebacks in American history.
www.borowitzreport.com
August 4, 2025 at 12:12 PM
“The American economy added a million new jobs in May and a billion new jobs in June,” Santos declared.
Reposted by Rob Everett
Massive celebrations erupted across Scotland on Wednesday to celebrate what Scots called “the glorious departure of Donald Trump.”
Scotland Celebrates Departure of Trump
Massive celebrations erupted across the land.
www.borowitzreport.com
July 30, 2025 at 5:25 PM
Massive celebrations erupted across Scotland on Wednesday to celebrate what Scots called “the glorious departure of Donald Trump.”
Reposted by Rob Everett
“JD wasn’t thrilled about it, quite frankly,” Trump told reporters. “He was crying like a dog.”
JD Vance to Serve Rest of Ghislaine Maxwell’s Prison Term
“JD wasn’t thrilled about it, quite frankly,” Trump told reporters.
www.borowitzreport.com
July 28, 2025 at 4:11 PM
“JD wasn’t thrilled about it, quite frankly,” Trump told reporters. “He was crying like a dog.”
Reposted by Rob Everett
BREAKING: FBI agents have been instructed to comb the Epstein files, flag every mention of Donald Trump, and insert the word "Jr." after each one
July 19, 2025 at 8:24 PM
BREAKING: FBI agents have been instructed to comb the Epstein files, flag every mention of Donald Trump, and insert the word "Jr." after each one
Reposted by Rob Everett
Now it all makes sense.
Bombshell: JD Vance was Last Person to see Epstein Alive
The report indicates that Donald J. Trump thanked Vance for visiting Epstein.
www.borowitzreport.com
July 14, 2025 at 12:39 PM
Now it all makes sense.
Reposted by Rob Everett
I don’t know about the “Epstein list”
but what I want revealed is the contents of the several boxes of data CD’s that were removed from Epstein’s NYC home by the FBI.
but what I want revealed is the contents of the several boxes of data CD’s that were removed from Epstein’s NYC home by the FBI.
July 12, 2025 at 10:42 PM
I don’t know about the “Epstein list”
but what I want revealed is the contents of the several boxes of data CD’s that were removed from Epstein’s NYC home by the FBI.
but what I want revealed is the contents of the several boxes of data CD’s that were removed from Epstein’s NYC home by the FBI.
Reposted by Rob Everett
America’s 47th president is the most incompetent since its 45th
July 12, 2025 at 2:11 PM
America’s 47th president is the most incompetent since its 45th
Reposted by Rob Everett
Trump refused to disclose precisely how Biden had violated the ceasefire, but darkly hinted that “people are saying it can be done with a laptop.”
Trump Accuses Biden of Violating Ceasefire
“The ceasefire was working perfectly and beautifully until Joe Biden broke it,” Trump said.
www.borowitzreport.com
June 24, 2025 at 1:46 PM
Trump refused to disclose precisely how Biden had violated the ceasefire, but darkly hinted that “people are saying it can be done with a laptop.”
Reposted by Rob Everett
“When Kristi was hospitalized earlier this week, there were reports of her having an ‘allergic reaction,’” the worm said in a prepared statement. “Actually, that was just her brain reacting to me moving in.”
RFK Jr’s Worm Now Living in Kristi Noem’s Brain
"It was time for a change of scenery," the worm said.
www.borowitzreport.com
June 20, 2025 at 11:58 AM
“When Kristi was hospitalized earlier this week, there were reports of her having an ‘allergic reaction,’” the worm said in a prepared statement. “Actually, that was just her brain reacting to me moving in.”
Reposted by Rob Everett
“They grabbed them off the street like they were cats and dogs,” Trump alleged.
Trump Claims Migrants Kidnapped Everyone Who Was Coming to His Parade
“They grabbed them off the street like they were cats and dogs,” Trump alleged.
www.borowitzreport.com
June 18, 2025 at 11:59 AM
“They grabbed them off the street like they were cats and dogs,” Trump alleged.
Reposted by Rob Everett
In an executive order declaring a national emergency, Trump pronounced the metal stairs “An Enemy of the People.”
Trump Orders National Guard to Carry Him up to Plane
In an executive order declaring a national emergency, Trump pronounced the metal stairs “An Enemy of the People.”
www.borowitzreport.com
June 10, 2025 at 12:10 AM
In an executive order declaring a national emergency, Trump pronounced the metal stairs “An Enemy of the People.”
Reposted by Rob Everett
The reason Trump keeps getting away with his crimes is because police are looking for a guy 6’ 3”, 239 pounds.
June 9, 2025 at 12:27 PM
The reason Trump keeps getting away with his crimes is because police are looking for a guy 6’ 3”, 239 pounds.
Reposted by Rob Everett
“I can’t wait for Elon to go wild on drugs,” Trump said.
Trump Puts Musk in Charge of Absorbing All Drugs Coming into US
“I can’t wait for Elon to go wild on drugs," Trump said.
www.borowitzreport.com
June 3, 2025 at 11:40 AM
“I can’t wait for Elon to go wild on drugs,” Trump said.
Reposted by Rob Everett
“Biden thought he could hide his health issues by making the U.S. economy the envy of the world,” a leading conspiracy theorist said.
Biden Covered Up Health Woes with Four Years of Booming Economy
“He thought he could hide his health issues by making the U.S. economy the envy of the world,” a leading conspiracy theorist said.
www.borowitzreport.com
May 20, 2025 at 12:29 PM
“Biden thought he could hide his health issues by making the U.S. economy the envy of the world,” a leading conspiracy theorist said.
Reposted by Rob Everett
Today Trump said that India and Pakistan have been fighting "for centuries." Pakistan was formed in 1947. He really better do his homework if he expects to be Pope.
May 7, 2025 at 1:43 AM
Today Trump said that India and Pakistan have been fighting "for centuries." Pakistan was formed in 1947. He really better do his homework if he expects to be Pope.
Please don't pull this dipshit's finger!
May 10, 2025 at 1:08 AM
Please don't pull this dipshit's finger!
Reposted by Rob Everett
“I saw a show about it on TV, and it never should have been allowed to close down,” he said.
Trump Calls For Reopening of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory
“I saw a show about it on TV, and it never should have been allowed to close down,” he said.
www.borowitzreport.com
May 7, 2025 at 5:07 PM
“I saw a show about it on TV, and it never should have been allowed to close down,” he said.
Reposted by Rob Everett
100 days into this presidency, Americans are paying the price - higher prices, crashing retirement accounts, and broken promises.
But the American people are turning, thanks to your voices. Keep it up.
It's up to us to demand something better.
But the American people are turning, thanks to your voices. Keep it up.
It's up to us to demand something better.
April 29, 2025 at 2:24 PM
100 days into this presidency, Americans are paying the price - higher prices, crashing retirement accounts, and broken promises.
But the American people are turning, thanks to your voices. Keep it up.
It's up to us to demand something better.
But the American people are turning, thanks to your voices. Keep it up.
It's up to us to demand something better.
Reposted by Rob Everett
“Stocks are crashing because investors are in a bad mood, and the reason they are in a bad mood is because they are not getting enough Omega-3 fatty acids,” he said.
RFK Jr. Says Stock Market Crash Could be Reversed if Investors Drink Cod Liver Oil
"Investors are in a bad mood is because they are not getting enough Omega-3 fatty acids,” he said.
www.borowitzreport.com
April 7, 2025 at 12:44 PM
“Stocks are crashing because investors are in a bad mood, and the reason they are in a bad mood is because they are not getting enough Omega-3 fatty acids,” he said.