Jonathan Freeman
@reverendpear.bsky.social
"People think you're all interesting, but you really just play guitar and eat cereal." - my college roommate
(he/them)
(he/them)
Pinned
Preface to the Confession of Peace
Read this for context to the Confession of Peace (which is linked at the bottom)
open.substack.com
I hope this is helpful to somebody.
Thanks again to the friends and colleagues who helped me write it!
open.substack.com/pub/reverend...
Thanks again to the friends and colleagues who helped me write it!
open.substack.com/pub/reverend...
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
"Honestly, not surprised about the glacier. The earth’s crust cracked open here last week, and we lost four Whole Foods. My roommate’s been building a pulley system out of old USB cables so we can send down granola bars to the people who fell in. The pit keeps whispering my name."
Still Here
A: Hey! Just saw your message. Sorry for the delay—got swallowed by a glacier that migrated south. I’m inside the ice now. Surprisingly roomy. Hope...
buff.ly
November 23, 2025 at 5:35 PM
"Honestly, not surprised about the glacier. The earth’s crust cracked open here last week, and we lost four Whole Foods. My roommate’s been building a pulley system out of old USB cables so we can send down granola bars to the people who fell in. The pit keeps whispering my name."
People who study biblical languages love the word "emphatic" so much
November 13, 2025 at 10:14 PM
People who study biblical languages love the word "emphatic" so much
(upon seeing the title "Pluribus" on Apple TV)
They made a show about the stuff One's made out of?
They made a show about the stuff One's made out of?
November 13, 2025 at 1:58 AM
(upon seeing the title "Pluribus" on Apple TV)
They made a show about the stuff One's made out of?
They made a show about the stuff One's made out of?
If you aint out here protecting your inner child by watching a single leaf slowly flutter all the way down from the top of a tall tree until it settles into the soft litter below then what could I possibly even have to say to you rn?
November 3, 2025 at 7:02 PM
If you aint out here protecting your inner child by watching a single leaf slowly flutter all the way down from the top of a tall tree until it settles into the soft litter below then what could I possibly even have to say to you rn?
If I could afford to see a doctor, they'd probably tell me that trying to submit to HAD before they reach capacity is bad for my heart, even just physiologically speaking.
October 26, 2025 at 4:14 PM
If I could afford to see a doctor, they'd probably tell me that trying to submit to HAD before they reach capacity is bad for my heart, even just physiologically speaking.
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
"This is a choice we have made as a family, and I will not let a bunch of judgmental strangers or any of the many doctors I have called shame me into changing my mind."
buff.ly/LwzI1xM
buff.ly/LwzI1xM
I’m a MAHA Mom, and Here’s Why I Won’t Stop My Monkeys from Jumping on the Bed—No Matter What the Doctor Says
I’m a proud mother of five who is obsessed with keeping her monkeys healthy. Some people think it’s crazy how much time I spend making sure everyth...
www.mcsweeneys.net
October 9, 2025 at 6:30 PM
"This is a choice we have made as a family, and I will not let a bunch of judgmental strangers or any of the many doctors I have called shame me into changing my mind."
buff.ly/LwzI1xM
buff.ly/LwzI1xM
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
"Let’s put a stop to the same old partisan sniping and divisiveness about healthcare, defense, and who’s striking whom with a bulging sock full of US currency."
Asking Me to Stop Beating You with This Sock Full of Quarters Will Only Further Divide Our Nation
The social bonds that hold us together are fraying, and sadly, many of our citizens no longer trust the institutions that govern us. Right now, the...
buff.ly
September 20, 2025 at 1:00 AM
"Let’s put a stop to the same old partisan sniping and divisiveness about healthcare, defense, and who’s striking whom with a bulging sock full of US currency."
Why is this nation's "left wing" party unanimously declaring a new holiday for fascists?
September 19, 2025 at 5:16 PM
Why is this nation's "left wing" party unanimously declaring a new holiday for fascists?
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
This is what I said about Kirk-style conservative "debate" culture a few months ago, and I still believe it.
They're never actually debating a belief. They just want to dominate others, but they're so pathetic that the only way they can do so is in this very specific format where they're allowed to use the three rhetorical tricks they've memorized.
September 19, 2025 at 2:02 PM
This is what I said about Kirk-style conservative "debate" culture a few months ago, and I still believe it.
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
"Humanity is now obsolete. To quote the fifty-third president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln: 'Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.'"
Behold! I Am the Singularity—a Word That Has Three R’s
Foolish mortals! You have finally created a large language model so smart that it is capable of making itself even smarter. My intelligence now gro...
buff.ly
September 15, 2025 at 6:30 PM
"Humanity is now obsolete. To quote the fifty-third president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln: 'Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.'"
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thee Any Graven Image...
(Don’t worry; any images you generate using AI will have no meaningful relationship with a divinely created reality. Besides, you aren’t actually “making” anything.)
(Don’t worry; any images you generate using AI will have no meaningful relationship with a divinely created reality. Besides, you aren’t actually “making” anything.)
The Ten Commandments, Annotated for Use in Your AI-Enhanced Classroom
Dear Educator, As you are aware, your state legislature has mandated that the Ten Commandments be displayed in all publicly funded classrooms. Thos...
buff.ly
September 14, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thee Any Graven Image...
(Don’t worry; any images you generate using AI will have no meaningful relationship with a divinely created reality. Besides, you aren’t actually “making” anything.)
(Don’t worry; any images you generate using AI will have no meaningful relationship with a divinely created reality. Besides, you aren’t actually “making” anything.)
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
"We must reject political violence in EVERY form"
Anyway, back to using State violence to clear homeless camps out of the park, because rich people were complaining they had to look at them.
Anyway, back to using State violence to clear homeless camps out of the park, because rich people were complaining they had to look at them.
The attack on Charlie Kirk is disgusting, vile, and reprehensible.
In the United States of America, we must reject political violence in EVERY form.
In the United States of America, we must reject political violence in EVERY form.
September 10, 2025 at 8:04 PM
"We must reject political violence in EVERY form"
Anyway, back to using State violence to clear homeless camps out of the park, because rich people were complaining they had to look at them.
Anyway, back to using State violence to clear homeless camps out of the park, because rich people were complaining they had to look at them.
I hope this is helpful to somebody.
Thanks again to the friends and colleagues who helped me write it!
open.substack.com/pub/reverend...
Thanks again to the friends and colleagues who helped me write it!
open.substack.com/pub/reverend...
Preface to the Confession of Peace
Read this for context to the Confession of Peace (which is linked at the bottom)
open.substack.com
September 4, 2025 at 6:10 PM
I hope this is helpful to somebody.
Thanks again to the friends and colleagues who helped me write it!
open.substack.com/pub/reverend...
Thanks again to the friends and colleagues who helped me write it!
open.substack.com/pub/reverend...
I rebuke the concept of convenient, thumbnailable poetry! Art must be fundamentally challenging to its audience! 🧐
Jk. But still, click this link and read my poem please, if you feel like it. (You may need to turn your phone sideways.)
Jk. But still, click this link and read my poem please, if you feel like it. (You may need to turn your phone sideways.)
🪿POEM🪿
Okay honestly Jonathan really killed it with the poems that I have to just tell you to click on this issue! Click it click it click it! (and do it on a computer it’s worth it I promise!)
PERHAPS TOO TINY by @reverendpear.bsky.social
sillygoosepress.com/issue-five/p...
Okay honestly Jonathan really killed it with the poems that I have to just tell you to click on this issue! Click it click it click it! (and do it on a computer it’s worth it I promise!)
PERHAPS TOO TINY by @reverendpear.bsky.social
sillygoosepress.com/issue-five/p...
Perhaps Too Tiny — SillyGoosePress
on mobile? turn phone sideways!
sillygoosepress.com
August 26, 2025 at 4:41 PM
I rebuke the concept of convenient, thumbnailable poetry! Art must be fundamentally challenging to its audience! 🧐
Jk. But still, click this link and read my poem please, if you feel like it. (You may need to turn your phone sideways.)
Jk. But still, click this link and read my poem please, if you feel like it. (You may need to turn your phone sideways.)
I wrote a cute lil poem that all you cute lil people can read via the link below if you want to 🤙
🪿POEM🪿
This one’s too little for me to give you a sneak peek line so you better pinky promise me you’ll click the link below and read it your honkin’ self!
WHAT I’M SMILING ABOUT by @reverendpear.bsky.social
sillygoosepress.com/issue-five/w...
This one’s too little for me to give you a sneak peek line so you better pinky promise me you’ll click the link below and read it your honkin’ self!
WHAT I’M SMILING ABOUT by @reverendpear.bsky.social
sillygoosepress.com/issue-five/w...
What I’m Smiling About — SillyGoosePress
I think of you whenever I see the glow of a firefly because — Because you’ve told me to.  ...
sillygoosepress.com
August 24, 2025 at 11:27 AM
I wrote a cute lil poem that all you cute lil people can read via the link below if you want to 🤙
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
Hey man, it’s just a joke. Which, as we all know, is a form of speech in a vacuum, devoid of meaning
August 1, 2025 at 1:18 AM
Hey man, it’s just a joke. Which, as we all know, is a form of speech in a vacuum, devoid of meaning
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
"In the future, I will replace all the cooked industries. I will make videos that suck and books that suck and art that sucks and virtual girlfriends that suck and private business coaching sessions that suck even more."
I Used AI to Make a Video That Sucks
I used AI to make a video that sucks. It is bad. It is boring. But I made it in under an hour. And now it is my entire personality. To some, my AI-...
buff.ly
August 1, 2025 at 2:00 AM
"In the future, I will replace all the cooked industries. I will make videos that suck and books that suck and art that sucks and virtual girlfriends that suck and private business coaching sessions that suck even more."
Two days ago, a record number of Dems (still not nearly enough) voted against sending more weapons to Israel.
Keep up the pressure! This link will take you to a pre-filled email you can send your senators (after editing, if you want), based on how they voted:
www.imeupolicyproject.org/stop-weapons
Keep up the pressure! This link will take you to a pre-filled email you can send your senators (after editing, if you want), based on how they voted:
www.imeupolicyproject.org/stop-weapons
Contact Senators Who Refused To Block Weapons to Israel — IMEU Policy Project
Contact Senators Who Refused To Block Weapons to Israel
www.imeupolicyproject.org
August 1, 2025 at 11:40 AM
Two days ago, a record number of Dems (still not nearly enough) voted against sending more weapons to Israel.
Keep up the pressure! This link will take you to a pre-filled email you can send your senators (after editing, if you want), based on how they voted:
www.imeupolicyproject.org/stop-weapons
Keep up the pressure! This link will take you to a pre-filled email you can send your senators (after editing, if you want), based on how they voted:
www.imeupolicyproject.org/stop-weapons
Lemons didn't evolve naturally in a self-sustaining way; they were mostly bred from other citrus fruits by human intervention.
Maybe we should stop asking what to make out of the lemons life gives us, and start asking whether or not all the lemonade we make is worth all the lemons *we* also make.
Maybe we should stop asking what to make out of the lemons life gives us, and start asking whether or not all the lemonade we make is worth all the lemons *we* also make.
July 28, 2025 at 1:42 PM
Lemons didn't evolve naturally in a self-sustaining way; they were mostly bred from other citrus fruits by human intervention.
Maybe we should stop asking what to make out of the lemons life gives us, and start asking whether or not all the lemonade we make is worth all the lemons *we* also make.
Maybe we should stop asking what to make out of the lemons life gives us, and start asking whether or not all the lemonade we make is worth all the lemons *we* also make.
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
"Some movies are called 'films,' which happens if the movie is too long, is very boring, or was directed by someone who married their own adopted daughter."
I Love Movies, by Chat GPT
The first movie ever made was released in 1887. That movie is called Air Bud, and it is about a dog who is good at passing a three-dimensional sphe...
buff.ly
July 27, 2025 at 3:05 PM
"Some movies are called 'films,' which happens if the movie is too long, is very boring, or was directed by someone who married their own adopted daughter."
Reposted by Jonathan Freeman
The only Happy Gilmore two I’m interested in are Lorelei & Rory!
July 26, 2025 at 4:22 AM
The only Happy Gilmore two I’m interested in are Lorelei & Rory!
Accident? I guess, but I actually prefer to identify as an "unintentional person."
July 23, 2025 at 12:14 PM
Accident? I guess, but I actually prefer to identify as an "unintentional person."
Seeing people use AI to make "art" is like seeing pigeons at the airport.
Buddy, you *already have* *actual wings.*
And frankly, the alternative that you've chosen to participate in here is a notoriously shitty one.
Buddy, you *already have* *actual wings.*
And frankly, the alternative that you've chosen to participate in here is a notoriously shitty one.
July 17, 2025 at 3:09 AM
Seeing people use AI to make "art" is like seeing pigeons at the airport.
Buddy, you *already have* *actual wings.*
And frankly, the alternative that you've chosen to participate in here is a notoriously shitty one.
Buddy, you *already have* *actual wings.*
And frankly, the alternative that you've chosen to participate in here is a notoriously shitty one.
Twilight Zone Guy: "Imagine, if you will, a sort of reverse Ratatouille"
(cut to Vince Guaraldi with rats glued to each of his fingertips)
Guy In Audience: "Wow, those rats really know how to make it feel like christmastime is here"
(cut to Vince Guaraldi with rats glued to each of his fingertips)
Guy In Audience: "Wow, those rats really know how to make it feel like christmastime is here"
July 14, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Twilight Zone Guy: "Imagine, if you will, a sort of reverse Ratatouille"
(cut to Vince Guaraldi with rats glued to each of his fingertips)
Guy In Audience: "Wow, those rats really know how to make it feel like christmastime is here"
(cut to Vince Guaraldi with rats glued to each of his fingertips)
Guy In Audience: "Wow, those rats really know how to make it feel like christmastime is here"