People's Office of Optimized Productivity (POOP)
@poophq.bsky.social
The people didn't vote for us to break everything with weaponized incompetence, but we're gonna do it anyway
Parody account. It's just a joke bro
Parody account. It's just a joke bro
Pinned
~ Did You Know? ~
Top 5 accomplishments govt workers completed last week, per our very official and not at all bullshit email requirement:
1. Fuck you
2. Eat shit
3. *The entire text of Moby Dick*
4. Our dear leader/nonleader Melon Husk's mom
5. Fuck yo (typo)
Top 5 accomplishments govt workers completed last week, per our very official and not at all bullshit email requirement:
1. Fuck you
2. Eat shit
3. *The entire text of Moby Dick*
4. Our dear leader/nonleader Melon Husk's mom
5. Fuck yo (typo)
It's Friday, so you know what that means - time for your weekly Five Things I Did At Work email!
Here's ours:
1. Learned what a "data base table" is
2. Dropped laptop on juice box
3. Fired 8,404 federal people
4. Got dink caught in official POOP onesie zipper
5. Un-fired 8,408 federal people (ope)
Here's ours:
1. Learned what a "data base table" is
2. Dropped laptop on juice box
3. Fired 8,404 federal people
4. Got dink caught in official POOP onesie zipper
5. Un-fired 8,408 federal people (ope)
March 7, 2025 at 9:58 PM
It's Friday, so you know what that means - time for your weekly Five Things I Did At Work email!
Here's ours:
1. Learned what a "data base table" is
2. Dropped laptop on juice box
3. Fired 8,404 federal people
4. Got dink caught in official POOP onesie zipper
5. Un-fired 8,408 federal people (ope)
Here's ours:
1. Learned what a "data base table" is
2. Dropped laptop on juice box
3. Fired 8,404 federal people
4. Got dink caught in official POOP onesie zipper
5. Un-fired 8,408 federal people (ope)
Wait til you hear about the combination locks on our luggage!
Hint: We all use the same one, to maximize team building! 💪💪
Hint: We all use the same one, to maximize team building! 💪💪
DOGE staffer Riley Sennott's Google Calendar wasn't private, exposing his interactions with DOGE and firms like Tesla and Palantir.
We found a DOGE guy at NASA because his Google Calendar was public
DOGE staffer Riley Sennott's Google Calendar wasn't private, exposing his interactions with DOGE and firms like Tesla and Palantir.
www.businessinsider.com
March 7, 2025 at 9:25 PM
Wait til you hear about the combination locks on our luggage!
Hint: We all use the same one, to maximize team building! 💪💪
Hint: We all use the same one, to maximize team building! 💪💪
As usual, no sympathy from the media for the poor misunderstood POOP team!
You guys, gutting the government in a whirlwind of haphazard bullshit is **hard**. If it was easy the Republicans would've done it years ago!
You guys, gutting the government in a whirlwind of haphazard bullshit is **hard**. If it was easy the Republicans would've done it years ago!
DOGE “seemed unsure” of what USAID programs they cut and is now attempting to reverse some of the cuts, says @propublica.org reporter Brett Murphy. “This is the opposite of a careful review."
March 6, 2025 at 8:50 PM
As usual, no sympathy from the media for the poor misunderstood POOP team!
You guys, gutting the government in a whirlwind of haphazard bullshit is **hard**. If it was easy the Republicans would've done it years ago!
You guys, gutting the government in a whirlwind of haphazard bullshit is **hard**. If it was easy the Republicans would've done it years ago!
Please, stop sharing this list of all POOP employees! Unless you want to email them thoughtful JibJab birthday e-cards. Those delightful lil guys are always welcome!
It's the entire email list for all DOGE employees. Have fun!
March 6, 2025 at 7:01 PM
Please, stop sharing this list of all POOP employees! Unless you want to email them thoughtful JibJab birthday e-cards. Those delightful lil guys are always welcome!
Competency in government technology is not only overrated, it's criminal!
If gov't websites already work good, then how can parasitic companies maximize profit from selling solutions to self-inflicted problems? Did you even *think* of those poor CEOs John???
If gov't websites already work good, then how can parasitic companies maximize profit from selling solutions to self-inflicted problems? Did you even *think* of those poor CEOs John???
I got laid off today, with the rest of 18F.
18F was an elite federal software shop. We made gov't websites work better, more efficiently for the American people. We saved taxpayers from getting screwed over by contractors. And were fired for it.
We made this website to tell our story:
18f.org
18F was an elite federal software shop. We made gov't websites work better, more efficiently for the American people. We saved taxpayers from getting screwed over by contractors. And were fired for it.
We made this website to tell our story:
18f.org
We're not done yet | 18F
18f.org
March 1, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Competency in government technology is not only overrated, it's criminal!
If gov't websites already work good, then how can parasitic companies maximize profit from selling solutions to self-inflicted problems? Did you even *think* of those poor CEOs John???
If gov't websites already work good, then how can parasitic companies maximize profit from selling solutions to self-inflicted problems? Did you even *think* of those poor CEOs John???
Now open for comment!
NOTE: Please *do not* post garbage in this text form, and *also* do not upload attachments of up to 10mb unless absolutely necessary!
We're on a sincere mission to make education in America as free of educational content as possible <3
NOTE: Please *do not* post garbage in this text form, and *also* do not upload attachments of up to 10mb unless absolutely necessary!
We're on a sincere mission to make education in America as free of educational content as possible <3
February 27, 2025 at 7:34 PM
Now open for comment!
NOTE: Please *do not* post garbage in this text form, and *also* do not upload attachments of up to 10mb unless absolutely necessary!
We're on a sincere mission to make education in America as free of educational content as possible <3
NOTE: Please *do not* post garbage in this text form, and *also* do not upload attachments of up to 10mb unless absolutely necessary!
We're on a sincere mission to make education in America as free of educational content as possible <3
On the other hand, everyone knows a little ebola is good for the immune system ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Elon Musk: "We will make mistakes. We won't be perfect ... so for example, with USAID, one of the things we accidentally canceled very briefly was ebola prevention."
February 26, 2025 at 8:41 PM
On the other hand, everyone knows a little ebola is good for the immune system ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
~Official POOP HQ Poll~
The team is having a lively discussion about Q2 priorities. Which project should we fast-track first?
1. Treasury: Replace all "0" with "O" (efficiency!)
2. SSA: Randomize beneficiaries every 14 days (stress testing!)
3. VA: Fire every doctor with a middle name (pure lulz!)
The team is having a lively discussion about Q2 priorities. Which project should we fast-track first?
1. Treasury: Replace all "0" with "O" (efficiency!)
2. SSA: Randomize beneficiaries every 14 days (stress testing!)
3. VA: Fire every doctor with a middle name (pure lulz!)
February 26, 2025 at 3:49 PM
~Official POOP HQ Poll~
The team is having a lively discussion about Q2 priorities. Which project should we fast-track first?
1. Treasury: Replace all "0" with "O" (efficiency!)
2. SSA: Randomize beneficiaries every 14 days (stress testing!)
3. VA: Fire every doctor with a middle name (pure lulz!)
The team is having a lively discussion about Q2 priorities. Which project should we fast-track first?
1. Treasury: Replace all "0" with "O" (efficiency!)
2. SSA: Randomize beneficiaries every 14 days (stress testing!)
3. VA: Fire every doctor with a middle name (pure lulz!)
Quitters! If all it takes to push them out is a politically-motivated loyalty test, a callous disregard for personal decency, and a refusal to endorse severe incompetence around vast oceans of sensitive data, then you weren't really living the POOP DAILY VALUES (PDV) anyway!
Letter from 21 legacy US Digital Service staff who resigned, saying they can no longer work for DOGE.
"We will not use use our skills as technologists to compromise core government systems, jeopardize American's sensitive data, or dismantle critical public services."
"We will not use use our skills as technologists to compromise core government systems, jeopardize American's sensitive data, or dismantle critical public services."
February 26, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Quitters! If all it takes to push them out is a politically-motivated loyalty test, a callous disregard for personal decency, and a refusal to endorse severe incompetence around vast oceans of sensitive data, then you weren't really living the POOP DAILY VALUES (PDV) anyway!
If you're not introducing a shitload of unnecessary risk when working in critical systems and carelessly handling sensitive data, are you even working???
21 U.S. DOGE Service staffers announce their resignations citing a process that introduced "significant security risks" + DOGE "mishandling sensitive data" and "breaking critical systems"
www.washingtonpost.com/business/202...
www.washingtonpost.com/business/202...
DOGE’s grab of personal data stokes privacy and security fears
Associates of Elon Musk have sought unfettered access to government data — for purposes that have no clear ties to their goals to cut spending and regulations.
www.washingtonpost.com
February 25, 2025 at 9:46 PM
If you're not introducing a shitload of unnecessary risk when working in critical systems and carelessly handling sensitive data, are you even working???
Bulletin: All government personnel must IMMEDIATELY CEASE sharing this morale-damaging video! How is the POOP team supposed to shred the functioning layers of US society when they're all bummed out?
Sr. Lead Brogrammer Gront McWillen hasn't even *touched* his breakfast steaks today!
Sr. Lead Brogrammer Gront McWillen hasn't even *touched* his breakfast steaks today!
This morning at Dept of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) HQ in DC as mandatory return to office began, this video played on loop for ~5 mins on screens throughout the building, per agency source.
Building staff couldn’t figure out how to turn it off so sent people to every floor to unplug TVs.
Building staff couldn’t figure out how to turn it off so sent people to every floor to unplug TVs.
February 24, 2025 at 3:33 PM
Bulletin: All government personnel must IMMEDIATELY CEASE sharing this morale-damaging video! How is the POOP team supposed to shred the functioning layers of US society when they're all bummed out?
Sr. Lead Brogrammer Gront McWillen hasn't even *touched* his breakfast steaks today!
Sr. Lead Brogrammer Gront McWillen hasn't even *touched* his breakfast steaks today!
~ Did You Know? ~
Top 5 accomplishments govt workers completed last week, per our very official and not at all bullshit email requirement:
1. Fuck you
2. Eat shit
3. *The entire text of Moby Dick*
4. Our dear leader/nonleader Melon Husk's mom
5. Fuck yo (typo)
Top 5 accomplishments govt workers completed last week, per our very official and not at all bullshit email requirement:
1. Fuck you
2. Eat shit
3. *The entire text of Moby Dick*
4. Our dear leader/nonleader Melon Husk's mom
5. Fuck yo (typo)
February 23, 2025 at 4:18 PM
~ Did You Know? ~
Top 5 accomplishments govt workers completed last week, per our very official and not at all bullshit email requirement:
1. Fuck you
2. Eat shit
3. *The entire text of Moby Dick*
4. Our dear leader/nonleader Melon Husk's mom
5. Fuck yo (typo)
Top 5 accomplishments govt workers completed last week, per our very official and not at all bullshit email requirement:
1. Fuck you
2. Eat shit
3. *The entire text of Moby Dick*
4. Our dear leader/nonleader Melon Husk's mom
5. Fuck yo (typo)
~Team Spotlight~: Field Digital Security Officer James Boldercumt is a:
* Graduate of the Trump University Digital Cyber Program
* Once ate 15 Fig Newtons in a four minute period
* May have accidentally deleted 12 years of NASA launch data after dropping a POOP-issued Security Bong on his keyboard
* Graduate of the Trump University Digital Cyber Program
* Once ate 15 Fig Newtons in a four minute period
* May have accidentally deleted 12 years of NASA launch data after dropping a POOP-issued Security Bong on his keyboard
February 21, 2025 at 4:00 PM
~Team Spotlight~: Field Digital Security Officer James Boldercumt is a:
* Graduate of the Trump University Digital Cyber Program
* Once ate 15 Fig Newtons in a four minute period
* May have accidentally deleted 12 years of NASA launch data after dropping a POOP-issued Security Bong on his keyboard
* Graduate of the Trump University Digital Cyber Program
* Once ate 15 Fig Newtons in a four minute period
* May have accidentally deleted 12 years of NASA launch data after dropping a POOP-issued Security Bong on his keyboard
Q: Bobby Goobon is doing some badass database work at the NSA, but the db is written in a weird language that AI says is a sequel to an older one. Anyone know what the original one was?
@techconnectify.bsky.social
@voidlinux.mom @swiftonsecurity.com @esqueer.net
@parismarx.com @kateconger.com
@techconnectify.bsky.social
@voidlinux.mom @swiftonsecurity.com @esqueer.net
@parismarx.com @kateconger.com
February 19, 2025 at 8:34 PM
Q: Bobby Goobon is doing some badass database work at the NSA, but the db is written in a weird language that AI says is a sequel to an older one. Anyone know what the original one was?
@techconnectify.bsky.social
@voidlinux.mom @swiftonsecurity.com @esqueer.net
@parismarx.com @kateconger.com
@techconnectify.bsky.social
@voidlinux.mom @swiftonsecurity.com @esqueer.net
@parismarx.com @kateconger.com
Treated the team to a BurgerHut lunch, and we seriously considered getting the 100-Patty Surprise for everyone!
Fortunately, Eugene Cystro pointed out that it would've cost $11,505 so we got chicken sandwiches instead.
Just another day of cutting costs from YOUR WASTEFUL GOVERNMENT!!! 💪💪👷♂️👷♂️
Fortunately, Eugene Cystro pointed out that it would've cost $11,505 so we got chicken sandwiches instead.
Just another day of cutting costs from YOUR WASTEFUL GOVERNMENT!!! 💪💪👷♂️👷♂️
February 19, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Treated the team to a BurgerHut lunch, and we seriously considered getting the 100-Patty Surprise for everyone!
Fortunately, Eugene Cystro pointed out that it would've cost $11,505 so we got chicken sandwiches instead.
Just another day of cutting costs from YOUR WASTEFUL GOVERNMENT!!! 💪💪👷♂️👷♂️
Fortunately, Eugene Cystro pointed out that it would've cost $11,505 so we got chicken sandwiches instead.
Just another day of cutting costs from YOUR WASTEFUL GOVERNMENT!!! 💪💪👷♂️👷♂️
By our rigorous calculations, over TWELVE TRILLION HOURS are wasted in traffic waiting at stop lights! That’s why we’re partnering with the Provo Department of Transportation to pilot the deletion of all red lights on traffic signals! #gottagofast
February 19, 2025 at 1:21 PM
By our rigorous calculations, over TWELVE TRILLION HOURS are wasted in traffic waiting at stop lights! That’s why we’re partnering with the Provo Department of Transportation to pilot the deletion of all red lights on traffic signals! #gottagofast
Best of luck to Bucky, our Mt Hollybrook Junior High intern, on spearheading the rollout of this exciting project at SSA - here goes nothing!🤞🤞
Social Security warning issued over benefits "interruption"
Social Security warning issued over benefits "interruption"
www.newsweek.com
February 19, 2025 at 3:10 AM
Best of luck to Bucky, our Mt Hollybrook Junior High intern, on spearheading the rollout of this exciting project at SSA - here goes nothing!🤞🤞
Absolutely no truth in the rumor that POOP is hoarding personally identifiable information (PII) because screaming "I HAVE ALL THE PII" (prounced like 'pee') is hilarious, nor is there credence to the rumor that all POOP team leads are required to drink 1 liter of urine per hour to "maintain focus"
New from 404 Media: a Musk ally has demanded administrative access to Notify.gov, a system that lets the government text the public. The access would give them large swathes of the publics' personal data too. A worker has resigned in protest rather than give access www.404media.co/musk-ally-de...
February 18, 2025 at 10:19 PM
Absolutely no truth in the rumor that POOP is hoarding personally identifiable information (PII) because screaming "I HAVE ALL THE PII" (prounced like 'pee') is hilarious, nor is there credence to the rumor that all POOP team leads are required to drink 1 liter of urine per hour to "maintain focus"
Wild! According to the Social Security database, there are over 500 MILLION people with "primary keys" (which according to AI is an old term for password I guess) to their accounts! How can that be if the US population is only ~330mm!
This might be the biggest fraud in history.
This might be the biggest fraud in history.
February 18, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Wild! According to the Social Security database, there are over 500 MILLION people with "primary keys" (which according to AI is an old term for password I guess) to their accounts! How can that be if the US population is only ~330mm!
This might be the biggest fraud in history.
This might be the biggest fraud in history.
Let the cost-cutting begin!
On DAY ONE we already saved 46 pounds of wood by deleting one leg from each lab table at the Lubbock National Laboratory of Scientifically Unstable Compounds. You're welcome!
On DAY ONE we already saved 46 pounds of wood by deleting one leg from each lab table at the Lubbock National Laboratory of Scientifically Unstable Compounds. You're welcome!
February 18, 2025 at 9:29 PM
Let the cost-cutting begin!
On DAY ONE we already saved 46 pounds of wood by deleting one leg from each lab table at the Lubbock National Laboratory of Scientifically Unstable Compounds. You're welcome!
On DAY ONE we already saved 46 pounds of wood by deleting one leg from each lab table at the Lubbock National Laboratory of Scientifically Unstable Compounds. You're welcome!