Told my wife that everyone is getting in to physical media again to soften her for when I say I’m getting into physical media again

Dunkin’ Donuts Unveils New Seasonal Rotting Jack-O’-Lantern Latte For End Of Fall https://theonion.com/dunkin-donuts-unveils-new-seasonal-rotting-jack-o-lan-1830313440/

YOU - “I approve of this, very futuristic.” (Tap on the girls kissing.)

YOU - Yeah, we're f****ts, got a problem with it?!

What's your secret to being online all the time without contracting computer madness? For me it's being pure of heart

It Only Tuesday https://theonion.com/it-only-tuesday-1819569397/

I'm a deeply flawed individual, but I bring joy to the world.

0.000% of Communism has been built. Evil child-murdering billionaires still rule the world with a shit-eating grin. All he has managed to do is make himself *sad*. He is starting to suspect Kras Mazov *fucked him over* personally with his socio-economic theory.

INLAND EMPIRE - His corpse is marked by stars.

YOU - What will mine be marked by?

INLAND EMPIRE - Alcohol and heartbreak.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Your fist clenches suddenly.

YOU - It will be riddled with disco.

I can still fix it.

Study Finds Refreshingly Low Amount Of Shovel Violence theonion.com/study-f...

“What, you've never seen a man getting a panic attack before?” (Try to keep breathing.)

if you'd like to see a wide re-release of Hundreds of Beavers in theaters this year, one night only, in thousands of cities — repost this. we've got some doubters.

I hate spoilers so much. I never even watch movies a second time because I already know what happens.

We really need Trump to be allowed to run for a third term as president. Democrats will definitely be able to beat him this time!

Every announcement coming out of Cinemacon is a spoiler. I want to be surprised what movies are out when I walk into my theater and look at the showtimes.

I fell for every single prank yesterday