Mystery
@mysteryums.bsky.social
jokester, selfhoster, gamer, animer
mostly funny, Occasionally Serious™
opinions are not mine something is controlling me please help
mostly funny, Occasionally Serious™
opinions are not mine something is controlling me please help
Pinned
Mystery
@mysteryums.bsky.social
· Oct 27
a genie but he’s been trapped in a BMW headlight and can only be released by using the turn signal
Reposted by Mystery
i'm not "unemployed", i prefer the term "stay at home bachelor"
December 12, 2025 at 7:25 PM
i'm not "unemployed", i prefer the term "stay at home bachelor"
i'm not "unemployed", i prefer the term "stay at home bachelor"
December 12, 2025 at 7:25 PM
i'm not "unemployed", i prefer the term "stay at home bachelor"
Reposted by Mystery
[the clock strikes midnight, december 1st]
[i rise 6 inches off the ground, my nose beginning to glow red hot]
[a ghastly “ho ho ho” emanates from an indeterminate location as my mouth fills with coal dust]
[my hair slowly falls from my head, being replaced by a bouquet of colorful curly ribbons]
[i rise 6 inches off the ground, my nose beginning to glow red hot]
[a ghastly “ho ho ho” emanates from an indeterminate location as my mouth fills with coal dust]
[my hair slowly falls from my head, being replaced by a bouquet of colorful curly ribbons]
[the clock strikes midnight, november 1st]
[i start to violently vibrate as my costume slowly recedes into my flesh]
[a best buy black friday ad for a $200 TV burns itself into the skin of my forehead]
[continuous tubes of cranberry sauce begin to extrude from every orifice of my body]
[i start to violently vibrate as my costume slowly recedes into my flesh]
[a best buy black friday ad for a $200 TV burns itself into the skin of my forehead]
[continuous tubes of cranberry sauce begin to extrude from every orifice of my body]
December 1, 2024 at 4:13 PM
[the clock strikes midnight, december 1st]
[i rise 6 inches off the ground, my nose beginning to glow red hot]
[a ghastly “ho ho ho” emanates from an indeterminate location as my mouth fills with coal dust]
[my hair slowly falls from my head, being replaced by a bouquet of colorful curly ribbons]
[i rise 6 inches off the ground, my nose beginning to glow red hot]
[a ghastly “ho ho ho” emanates from an indeterminate location as my mouth fills with coal dust]
[my hair slowly falls from my head, being replaced by a bouquet of colorful curly ribbons]
Reposted by Mystery
Everyone is getting upset about the data centers. They pollute a lot and use a lot of energy and will eventually be very ugly/huge vacant buildings. And I understand being mad about that. Until you consider the state of the lazer tag industry at this moment, and how much help that sector needs.
December 1, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Everyone is getting upset about the data centers. They pollute a lot and use a lot of energy and will eventually be very ugly/huge vacant buildings. And I understand being mad about that. Until you consider the state of the lazer tag industry at this moment, and how much help that sector needs.
taking a picture of a QR code with a polaroid as a reminder to stay grounded in the present moment
November 29, 2025 at 7:47 AM
taking a picture of a QR code with a polaroid as a reminder to stay grounded in the present moment
i must unfortunately report that i am not based in india, bangladesh, nigeria, or canada, but, much to my and everyone else's disappointment, am indeed an american
November 26, 2025 at 3:37 PM
i must unfortunately report that i am not based in india, bangladesh, nigeria, or canada, but, much to my and everyone else's disappointment, am indeed an american
Reposted by Mystery
big bugs bunny getting elmer fudd to marry him vibes in the white house currently i see
November 21, 2025 at 9:30 PM
big bugs bunny getting elmer fudd to marry him vibes in the white house currently i see
Reposted by Mystery
to those of you who originally followed me for "haha funny" and not "haha funny (these are actually extremely serious political matters)", i apologize, but trying to be silly about this stuff is the only method i have to cope
November 15, 2025 at 10:41 PM
to those of you who originally followed me for "haha funny" and not "haha funny (these are actually extremely serious political matters)", i apologize, but trying to be silly about this stuff is the only method i have to cope
to those of you who originally followed me for "haha funny" and not "haha funny (these are actually extremely serious political matters)", i apologize, but trying to be silly about this stuff is the only method i have to cope
November 15, 2025 at 10:41 PM
to those of you who originally followed me for "haha funny" and not "haha funny (these are actually extremely serious political matters)", i apologize, but trying to be silly about this stuff is the only method i have to cope
Reposted by Mystery
Would like to address the rumours going around about me. They are categorically not true. In fact, I have actually had a few extra ribs added to ensure that sort of thing could never happen, even accidentally.
November 15, 2025 at 12:19 AM
Would like to address the rumours going around about me. They are categorically not true. In fact, I have actually had a few extra ribs added to ensure that sort of thing could never happen, even accidentally.
Reposted by Mystery
feeling bad for monica lewinsky right now, that's pretty much like kissing donald trump on the mouth
November 15, 2025 at 12:15 AM
feeling bad for monica lewinsky right now, that's pretty much like kissing donald trump on the mouth
feeling bad for monica lewinsky right now, that's pretty much like kissing donald trump on the mouth
November 15, 2025 at 12:15 AM
feeling bad for monica lewinsky right now, that's pretty much like kissing donald trump on the mouth
john fetterman, slowly becoming more and more conservative with each brain injury, until he's so incoherent that he easily wins the nomination in the republican 2028 presidential primary
November 14, 2025 at 5:06 PM
john fetterman, slowly becoming more and more conservative with each brain injury, until he's so incoherent that he easily wins the nomination in the republican 2028 presidential primary
this was supposed to be a joke
i'm so tired
i'm so tired
November 14, 2025 at 12:22 AM
this was supposed to be a joke
i'm so tired
i'm so tired
Reposted by Mystery
who cares if trump knew jeffrey epstein was a predator, frequently hung out with him at his house, sometimes alongside his victims, and ultimately only broke up with him because jeffy stole one of HIS young girls from mar-a-lago, come back when you have any PROOF that he did anything wrong!!!
November 13, 2025 at 2:22 PM
who cares if trump knew jeffrey epstein was a predator, frequently hung out with him at his house, sometimes alongside his victims, and ultimately only broke up with him because jeffy stole one of HIS young girls from mar-a-lago, come back when you have any PROOF that he did anything wrong!!!
"Teenage Women Under 18: Children, or Something Else?" - WaPo Headline
November 13, 2025 at 2:58 PM
"Teenage Women Under 18: Children, or Something Else?" - WaPo Headline
who cares if trump knew jeffrey epstein was a predator, frequently hung out with him at his house, sometimes alongside his victims, and ultimately only broke up with him because jeffy stole one of HIS young girls from mar-a-lago, come back when you have any PROOF that he did anything wrong!!!
November 13, 2025 at 2:22 PM
who cares if trump knew jeffrey epstein was a predator, frequently hung out with him at his house, sometimes alongside his victims, and ultimately only broke up with him because jeffy stole one of HIS young girls from mar-a-lago, come back when you have any PROOF that he did anything wrong!!!
Reposted by Mystery
voting with the republicans in the senate while holding my nose (so people know i really don't like it)
March 14, 2025 at 9:53 PM
voting with the republicans in the senate while holding my nose (so people know i really don't like it)
Reposted by Mystery
clarence thomas is rolling in his grave (he's still alive, he just needs to sleep in a grave to maintain his life force)
Breaking News: The Supreme Court denied a request to consider overturning its landmark decision to legalize same-sex marriage a decade ago. nyti.ms/3Ju2Ayd
November 10, 2025 at 3:44 PM
clarence thomas is rolling in his grave (he's still alive, he just needs to sleep in a grave to maintain his life force)
clarence thomas is rolling in his grave (he's still alive, he just needs to sleep in a grave to maintain his life force)
Breaking News: The Supreme Court denied a request to consider overturning its landmark decision to legalize same-sex marriage a decade ago. nyti.ms/3Ju2Ayd
November 10, 2025 at 3:44 PM
clarence thomas is rolling in his grave (he's still alive, he just needs to sleep in a grave to maintain his life force)
Reposted by Mystery
have you turned in the assignment? it goes on brightspace. it's just a flipboard. it's like padlet for video. don't forget to do the kahoot. there's also a blooket. we're running a gimkit. chime in on vevox! submit it on bongo. log onto bongo. dive into bongo. you can bongo it. bongo has it for you.
November 10, 2025 at 2:26 AM
have you turned in the assignment? it goes on brightspace. it's just a flipboard. it's like padlet for video. don't forget to do the kahoot. there's also a blooket. we're running a gimkit. chime in on vevox! submit it on bongo. log onto bongo. dive into bongo. you can bongo it. bongo has it for you.
Reposted by Mystery
poll results: donald trump voted worst president of all time
WaPo headline: "Donald Trump Voted Second Best Republican President of the 21st Century"
WaPo headline: "Donald Trump Voted Second Best Republican President of the 21st Century"
November 8, 2025 at 1:54 AM
poll results: donald trump voted worst president of all time
WaPo headline: "Donald Trump Voted Second Best Republican President of the 21st Century"
WaPo headline: "Donald Trump Voted Second Best Republican President of the 21st Century"
i have to say i don't really get this whole newfangled 67 sex position
November 9, 2025 at 1:41 AM
i have to say i don't really get this whole newfangled 67 sex position
Reposted by Mystery
RFK Jr nervously side eyeing the scythe wielding shadowy apparition that only he seems to notice for the entire press event, and sighing in relief when the guy next to him falls down
November 7, 2025 at 3:34 AM
RFK Jr nervously side eyeing the scythe wielding shadowy apparition that only he seems to notice for the entire press event, and sighing in relief when the guy next to him falls down
poll results: donald trump voted worst president of all time
WaPo headline: "Donald Trump Voted Second Best Republican President of the 21st Century"
WaPo headline: "Donald Trump Voted Second Best Republican President of the 21st Century"
November 8, 2025 at 1:54 AM
poll results: donald trump voted worst president of all time
WaPo headline: "Donald Trump Voted Second Best Republican President of the 21st Century"
WaPo headline: "Donald Trump Voted Second Best Republican President of the 21st Century"