Matthew Petty🚮
@muteboy.bsky.social
PRINTS FOR SALE>https://linktr.ee/muteboy72 white cis UK chap in Dubai UAE. Married to LA woman, father 8.9yo twins. He/him.
Pinned
Matthew Petty🚮
@muteboy.bsky.social
· Nov 12
Introduce yourself as a TV character
When we were driving up to Manchester to uni/poly , we'd make sure The Fall 's 'Hit the North' was playing when we passed the Southern Cemetery
Sorry I must say A47, just after the M6 and a before Gretna Green.
I know of an funny Scottish guy that when driving north with English friends, looked at the seats beside him, lowered the car window, inhaled hard and screamed "SMEEELLLS LIKE FREEEEDOOM"
And I can't stop laughing about IT!
I know of an funny Scottish guy that when driving north with English friends, looked at the seats beside him, lowered the car window, inhaled hard and screamed "SMEEELLLS LIKE FREEEEDOOM"
And I can't stop laughing about IT!
As a fun tradition, whenever I was heading up north to home with friends we used to play Scotland the Brave on the bagpipes every time we passed the ‘Welcome to Scotland’ sign on the M5, to bother the Englishman beside us in a funny way (his face after crossing: 😒).
www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7VX...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7VX...
December 11, 2025 at 4:50 AM
When we were driving up to Manchester to uni/poly , we'd make sure The Fall 's 'Hit the North' was playing when we passed the Southern Cemetery
Reposted by Matthew Petty🚮
December 8, 2025 at 8:07 AM
Reposted by Matthew Petty🚮
when a poor person uses food stamps for a steak or homeless person spends $5 on a beer, it’s seen as proof that all poor people are so bad with money that they shouldn’t be given any, ever, for any reason. $77 billion out the window, and zuck’s legacy as a safe government contract bet is secure.
Mark Zuckerberg’s gamble on the "Metaverse" has lost his company more than $77 billion.
December 6, 2025 at 5:41 PM
when a poor person uses food stamps for a steak or homeless person spends $5 on a beer, it’s seen as proof that all poor people are so bad with money that they shouldn’t be given any, ever, for any reason. $77 billion out the window, and zuck’s legacy as a safe government contract bet is secure.
Reposted by Matthew Petty🚮
sorry I'm late! I have at last broken my silence on Pantone's Color of the Year johnpaulbrammer.substack.com/p/cloud-danc...
'Cloud Dancer': A Measured Response
Regarding Pantone's decision, and so on, and so forth
johnpaulbrammer.substack.com
December 6, 2025 at 7:55 PM
sorry I'm late! I have at last broken my silence on Pantone's Color of the Year johnpaulbrammer.substack.com/p/cloud-danc...
I get threats when I do my Santa schtick
If Father Christmas was real do you think there would have been assassination attempts on his life
December 6, 2025 at 1:36 PM
I get threats when I do my Santa schtick
Did my Santa act at the school Winter Festival yesterday. Sat in grotto, did a schtick with every kid, took photos, got hugs & high5s, sweated my ass off, & I think I've contracted something from one of the little darlings
December 5, 2025 at 6:06 AM
Did my Santa act at the school Winter Festival yesterday. Sat in grotto, did a schtick with every kid, took photos, got hugs & high5s, sweated my ass off, & I think I've contracted something from one of the little darlings
Reposted by Matthew Petty🚮
A squirrel eating snow and sticking out its tongue. Slow-motion video.
December 5, 2025 at 3:08 AM
A squirrel eating snow and sticking out its tongue. Slow-motion video.
Reposted by Matthew Petty🚮
if elon just hired an Inverse Jester (guy hired to listen to his jokes and pretend they're funny) we could solve every problem except how to keep the inverse jester from killing himself
November 24, 2025 at 4:42 PM
if elon just hired an Inverse Jester (guy hired to listen to his jokes and pretend they're funny) we could solve every problem except how to keep the inverse jester from killing himself
I used that in an exam paper when I had to repeat the one fact I was sure about
You never want to hit someone with the nuclear "As stated previously" in an email but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do
December 5, 2025 at 5:01 AM
I used that in an exam paper when I had to repeat the one fact I was sure about
Reposted by Matthew Petty🚮
@muteboy.bsky.social has swears! They've used 22 profanities in their last 140 posts.
🥇 "bum" (13 times)
🥈 "arse" (2 times)
🥉 "boobs" (1 times)
🥇 "bum" (13 times)
🥈 "arse" (2 times)
🥉 "boobs" (1 times)
November 30, 2025 at 6:48 PM
@muteboy.bsky.social has swears! They've used 22 profanities in their last 140 posts.
🥇 "bum" (13 times)
🥈 "arse" (2 times)
🥉 "boobs" (1 times)
🥇 "bum" (13 times)
🥈 "arse" (2 times)
🥉 "boobs" (1 times)
@profanity.accountant Not much here I guess
November 30, 2025 at 6:32 PM
@profanity.accountant Not much here I guess
Nah I prefer the lesser
the joke is that there's one enormous, brightly colored weevil species in PR and that's the one everybody takes a picture of, bc look at it bugguide.net/node/view/20...
November 26, 2025 at 2:44 PM
Nah I prefer the lesser
Pub quiz final tonight. Dh2000 prize to share! Wish me and the rest of my team 'Quiz on my Face' luck
November 26, 2025 at 2:34 PM
Pub quiz final tonight. Dh2000 prize to share! Wish me and the rest of my team 'Quiz on my Face' luck
Tis almost the season again to sit alone and try to cry
Good hefty dose of Christmas Anhedonia
I'm trying, but nothing works
I'm trying, but nothing works
November 26, 2025 at 9:14 AM
Tis almost the season again to sit alone and try to cry
@robmanuelyeah.bsky.social is a b3ta member doing the Sgt Pepper cover with people we lost this year? Who did that?
November 26, 2025 at 4:26 AM
@robmanuelyeah.bsky.social is a b3ta member doing the Sgt Pepper cover with people we lost this year? Who did that?
I just sent these photos to an Etsy seller. Excited to receive my ugly pillows
November 26, 2025 at 4:21 AM
I just sent these photos to an Etsy seller. Excited to receive my ugly pillows
Getting Santa costume ready. After last year when I lost 2kg in sweat, I'm considering ways to cool down. Wellingtons are a size up so I can fit ice packs down them. My DIY pillow belly might also contain cooling.
November 24, 2025 at 4:46 AM
Getting Santa costume ready. After last year when I lost 2kg in sweat, I'm considering ways to cool down. Wellingtons are a size up so I can fit ice packs down them. My DIY pillow belly might also contain cooling.
Reposted by Matthew Petty🚮
My favourite part of the AI Kingston on Thames christmas mural is the man using a severed dog's paw on a stick to subdue his chimera dogwife
November 23, 2025 at 12:19 PM
My favourite part of the AI Kingston on Thames christmas mural is the man using a severed dog's paw on a stick to subdue his chimera dogwife
In the UK there are lots of crappy fried chicken takeaways with some random US state because Kentucky was already used
South Dakota Fried Chicken
Maine Fried Chicken
South Dakota Fried Chicken
Maine Fried Chicken
I am so obsessed with what every other country packages as "American," which seems to be classified by a sense of ostentatiousness more than anything
Seen in a Dutch grocery store: BIG AMERICAN pizza 🇺🇸
November 21, 2025 at 3:39 PM
In the UK there are lots of crappy fried chicken takeaways with some random US state because Kentucky was already used
South Dakota Fried Chicken
Maine Fried Chicken
South Dakota Fried Chicken
Maine Fried Chicken
Reposted by Matthew Petty🚮
french wikipedia is the only language that has a "list of bastards" article
November 9, 2025 at 8:03 AM
french wikipedia is the only language that has a "list of bastards" article
Reposted by Matthew Petty🚮
Mamdani is going to implement Shalamar law. He’s going to make it a night to remember
November 8, 2025 at 12:09 PM
Mamdani is going to implement Shalamar law. He’s going to make it a night to remember
Had an argument with my wife about how Mad-Libs should work. The books have you fill in the blanks while reading the story, which seems wrong to me. I'm writing some for son's birthday party, & I'm having them fill in a numbered list before, without seeing what the story is. Surely more fun?
November 7, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Had an argument with my wife about how Mad-Libs should work. The books have you fill in the blanks while reading the story, which seems wrong to me. I'm writing some for son's birthday party, & I'm having them fill in a numbered list before, without seeing what the story is. Surely more fun?
I would gladly replace all my bad furniture with items from the CC41 range
November 7, 2025 at 10:11 AM
I would gladly replace all my bad furniture with items from the CC41 range
Reposted by Matthew Petty🚮
lol
November 6, 2025 at 4:47 AM
lol
Second day of headache and nausea, just enough to stop me working. Taken medicine, lying down
November 4, 2025 at 6:21 AM
Second day of headache and nausea, just enough to stop me working. Taken medicine, lying down