MajorFlake
@majorflake.bsky.social
I'm probably afraid of you.
(I agree w/Buddhists who love Christ but find Christians so strangely un-Christ-like. I don't like seeing people lied to.)
(I agree w/Buddhists who love Christ but find Christians so strangely un-Christ-like. I don't like seeing people lied to.)
Reposted by MajorFlake
When I was little, I used to play doctor with girls in my neighborhood. I pretended I had a PhD in Comparative Literature, and I'd serve them coffee at a pretend Starbucks.
December 7, 2023 at 2:23 AM
When I was little, I used to play doctor with girls in my neighborhood. I pretended I had a PhD in Comparative Literature, and I'd serve them coffee at a pretend Starbucks.
Reposted by MajorFlake
That was a joke.
I know if my jokes aren’t appreciated my palindromes will definitely not be either.
Glad I explained that because it’s like they say, “the best jokes are the ones you have to explain.”
That was a joke too. Glad I explained that also. (Again, a joke. That I’m glad I explained.)
I know if my jokes aren’t appreciated my palindromes will definitely not be either.
Glad I explained that because it’s like they say, “the best jokes are the ones you have to explain.”
That was a joke too. Glad I explained that also. (Again, a joke. That I’m glad I explained.)
February 19, 2026 at 5:09 PM
That was a joke.
I know if my jokes aren’t appreciated my palindromes will definitely not be either.
Glad I explained that because it’s like they say, “the best jokes are the ones you have to explain.”
That was a joke too. Glad I explained that also. (Again, a joke. That I’m glad I explained.)
I know if my jokes aren’t appreciated my palindromes will definitely not be either.
Glad I explained that because it’s like they say, “the best jokes are the ones you have to explain.”
That was a joke too. Glad I explained that also. (Again, a joke. That I’m glad I explained.)
If you guys can’t appreciate how clever I am lately just wait til I start posting original palindromes.
February 19, 2026 at 5:05 PM
If you guys can’t appreciate how clever I am lately just wait til I start posting original palindromes.
Reposted by MajorFlake
It's first-world anarchy, baby!
Stick it to the man.
Speak truth to power.
Drop it like it's hot (when my pimp's in the crib, ma) drop it like it's hot.
Stick it to the man.
Speak truth to power.
Drop it like it's hot (when my pimp's in the crib, ma) drop it like it's hot.
February 19, 2026 at 4:49 PM
It's first-world anarchy, baby!
Stick it to the man.
Speak truth to power.
Drop it like it's hot (when my pimp's in the crib, ma) drop it like it's hot.
Stick it to the man.
Speak truth to power.
Drop it like it's hot (when my pimp's in the crib, ma) drop it like it's hot.
Football? I've never been to a Football. Do I need to get a gown?
February 19, 2026 at 4:45 PM
Football? I've never been to a Football. Do I need to get a gown?
Reposted by MajorFlake
Let me explain football:
U need to get ball as far to other side as you can. But other guys wanna stop you!
And there's a guy called a quarterback, & somehow he's the most important guy to throw the ball (?)
And sometimes something special happens & they get to kick the ball into this giant fork.
U need to get ball as far to other side as you can. But other guys wanna stop you!
And there's a guy called a quarterback, & somehow he's the most important guy to throw the ball (?)
And sometimes something special happens & they get to kick the ball into this giant fork.
February 9, 2026 at 12:11 AM
Let me explain football:
U need to get ball as far to other side as you can. But other guys wanna stop you!
And there's a guy called a quarterback, & somehow he's the most important guy to throw the ball (?)
And sometimes something special happens & they get to kick the ball into this giant fork.
U need to get ball as far to other side as you can. But other guys wanna stop you!
And there's a guy called a quarterback, & somehow he's the most important guy to throw the ball (?)
And sometimes something special happens & they get to kick the ball into this giant fork.
Reposted by MajorFlake
I bullied my stepdad into doing this 😆. He was like "No! I won't."
I was like "YOU DO IT"
I was like "YOU DO IT"
January 14, 2026 at 6:04 PM
I bullied my stepdad into doing this 😆. He was like "No! I won't."
I was like "YOU DO IT"
I was like "YOU DO IT"
Reposted by MajorFlake
I hope all 3,500 of you didn't like my last joke because you're literally dead.
February 15, 2026 at 8:11 AM
I hope all 3,500 of you didn't like my last joke because you're literally dead.
Ever hear Tom Waits' "Martha" (no one I've met didn't love) when he calls girl FORTY yrs later (& u 100% know he did) it's stunning.
Learned "Meat Loaf" (dumb name) large but sexy singer who was just UNDENIABLE, covered it.
Well it feels like actual opiates in my body...
youtu.be/Dj7HRf6erFE?...
Learned "Meat Loaf" (dumb name) large but sexy singer who was just UNDENIABLE, covered it.
Well it feels like actual opiates in my body...
youtu.be/Dj7HRf6erFE?...
Meat Loaf - Martha
YouTube video by musicofmeatloaf
youtu.be
February 15, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Ever hear Tom Waits' "Martha" (no one I've met didn't love) when he calls girl FORTY yrs later (& u 100% know he did) it's stunning.
Learned "Meat Loaf" (dumb name) large but sexy singer who was just UNDENIABLE, covered it.
Well it feels like actual opiates in my body...
youtu.be/Dj7HRf6erFE?...
Learned "Meat Loaf" (dumb name) large but sexy singer who was just UNDENIABLE, covered it.
Well it feels like actual opiates in my body...
youtu.be/Dj7HRf6erFE?...
Reposted by MajorFlake
You guys...
You can refer to Rob Lowe as "Raw Blow" right to his face, and he won't even know.
You can call the Dalai Lama "his holiness the Dolly Llama," and no one can stop you.
NO ONE!!
You can refer to Rob Lowe as "Raw Blow" right to his face, and he won't even know.
You can call the Dalai Lama "his holiness the Dolly Llama," and no one can stop you.
NO ONE!!
February 15, 2026 at 8:02 AM
You guys...
You can refer to Rob Lowe as "Raw Blow" right to his face, and he won't even know.
You can call the Dalai Lama "his holiness the Dolly Llama," and no one can stop you.
NO ONE!!
You can refer to Rob Lowe as "Raw Blow" right to his face, and he won't even know.
You can call the Dalai Lama "his holiness the Dolly Llama," and no one can stop you.
NO ONE!!
Reposted by MajorFlake
"I hope someone breaks both my legs" is an actual thought I just had, verbatim, fully articulated, seemingly out of nowhere.
Wtf brain
Wtf brain
February 15, 2026 at 8:15 AM
"I hope someone breaks both my legs" is an actual thought I just had, verbatim, fully articulated, seemingly out of nowhere.
Wtf brain
Wtf brain
Reposted by MajorFlake
Why is it so sexy to be an "international jewel thief"?
If I rummage in someone's drawers to find their grandma's necklace, that makes me an asshole, but if I use the money to buy a plane ticket home, all of a sudden I'm a suave James Bond type?
If I rummage in someone's drawers to find their grandma's necklace, that makes me an asshole, but if I use the money to buy a plane ticket home, all of a sudden I'm a suave James Bond type?
February 14, 2026 at 10:43 PM
Why is it so sexy to be an "international jewel thief"?
If I rummage in someone's drawers to find their grandma's necklace, that makes me an asshole, but if I use the money to buy a plane ticket home, all of a sudden I'm a suave James Bond type?
If I rummage in someone's drawers to find their grandma's necklace, that makes me an asshole, but if I use the money to buy a plane ticket home, all of a sudden I'm a suave James Bond type?
"I hope someone breaks both my legs" is an actual thought I just had, verbatim, fully articulated, seemingly out of nowhere.
Wtf brain
Wtf brain
February 15, 2026 at 8:15 AM
"I hope someone breaks both my legs" is an actual thought I just had, verbatim, fully articulated, seemingly out of nowhere.
Wtf brain
Wtf brain
Reposted by MajorFlake
Someone called me a "fckn scumbag" on reddit last night.
So I'll be riding that high all week.
So I'll be riding that high all week.
February 12, 2026 at 11:36 AM
Someone called me a "fckn scumbag" on reddit last night.
So I'll be riding that high all week.
So I'll be riding that high all week.
I hope all 3,500 of you didn't like my last joke because you're literally dead.
February 15, 2026 at 8:11 AM
I hope all 3,500 of you didn't like my last joke because you're literally dead.
Lately when I write a post I really like it's a fairly reliable indicator that other people will not think it's as amusing as I do.
February 15, 2026 at 8:07 AM
Lately when I write a post I really like it's a fairly reliable indicator that other people will not think it's as amusing as I do.
Reposted by MajorFlake
Bearrister
A bear who is a lawyer
A bear who is a lawyer
February 15, 2026 at 7:54 AM
Bearrister
A bear who is a lawyer
A bear who is a lawyer
You guys...
You can refer to Rob Lowe as "Raw Blow" right to his face, and he won't even know.
You can call the Dalai Lama "his holiness the Dolly Llama," and no one can stop you.
NO ONE!!
You can refer to Rob Lowe as "Raw Blow" right to his face, and he won't even know.
You can call the Dalai Lama "his holiness the Dolly Llama," and no one can stop you.
NO ONE!!
February 15, 2026 at 8:02 AM
You guys...
You can refer to Rob Lowe as "Raw Blow" right to his face, and he won't even know.
You can call the Dalai Lama "his holiness the Dolly Llama," and no one can stop you.
NO ONE!!
You can refer to Rob Lowe as "Raw Blow" right to his face, and he won't even know.
You can call the Dalai Lama "his holiness the Dolly Llama," and no one can stop you.
NO ONE!!
Reposted by MajorFlake
Say something nice about someone today:
@bonechocolates.bsky.social you have a distinct view of the world and it's absolutly hilarious. I expect more people to appreacite your comedy genius!
@bonechocolates.bsky.social you have a distinct view of the world and it's absolutly hilarious. I expect more people to appreacite your comedy genius!
Say something nice about someone today:
@mikeymcfilms.bsky.social do love films? yes! do you love jokes? YES. You are all in on sharing joy with the world and thats great!
@mikeymcfilms.bsky.social do love films? yes! do you love jokes? YES. You are all in on sharing joy with the world and thats great!
Say something nice about someone today:
@notreallyjcm.bsky.social i don't care how cliche it sounds, but you have an amazing capacity to love and you always find ways to love more people / animals. You are an aspiration!
@notreallyjcm.bsky.social i don't care how cliche it sounds, but you have an amazing capacity to love and you always find ways to love more people / animals. You are an aspiration!
February 13, 2026 at 2:30 PM
Say something nice about someone today:
@bonechocolates.bsky.social you have a distinct view of the world and it's absolutly hilarious. I expect more people to appreacite your comedy genius!
@bonechocolates.bsky.social you have a distinct view of the world and it's absolutly hilarious. I expect more people to appreacite your comedy genius!
Reposted by MajorFlake
Just "Winning Friends and Influencing People," like I am so wont to do.
November 26, 2025 at 10:58 AM
Just "Winning Friends and Influencing People," like I am so wont to do.
Reposted by MajorFlake
I saw my soulmate drive by me in a car today. I know that we could never be together in this lifetime, Armando, but in another life, when we are the same species, find me, my love.
February 11, 2026 at 2:41 AM
I saw my soulmate drive by me in a car today. I know that we could never be together in this lifetime, Armando, but in another life, when we are the same species, find me, my love.
I saw my soulmate drive by me in a car today. I know that we could never be together in this lifetime, Armando, but in another life, when we are the same species, find me, my love.
February 11, 2026 at 2:41 AM
I saw my soulmate drive by me in a car today. I know that we could never be together in this lifetime, Armando, but in another life, when we are the same species, find me, my love.
Reposted by MajorFlake
The reality is that in we exist in cosmic time with lifetimes so brief they aren’t so much an infinitesimal, minuscule speck but essentially never even happened.
But pretend with me like any of this matters.
But pretend with me like any of this matters.
August 2, 2025 at 2:08 PM
The reality is that in we exist in cosmic time with lifetimes so brief they aren’t so much an infinitesimal, minuscule speck but essentially never even happened.
But pretend with me like any of this matters.
But pretend with me like any of this matters.
Reposted by MajorFlake
For a long time i thought the saying was "existence is futile" and honestly that still makes more sense to me
January 9, 2026 at 4:21 AM
For a long time i thought the saying was "existence is futile" and honestly that still makes more sense to me
Reposted by MajorFlake
I wanna go on Wheel of Fortune just to shout "No whammy, no whammy. Big money...big money. Annnnd STOP!
I said STOP!! Why won't it stop?!"
and be kicked off
I said STOP!! Why won't it stop?!"
and be kicked off
January 12, 2026 at 2:28 AM
I wanna go on Wheel of Fortune just to shout "No whammy, no whammy. Big money...big money. Annnnd STOP!
I said STOP!! Why won't it stop?!"
and be kicked off
I said STOP!! Why won't it stop?!"
and be kicked off
