Luke Moran
@lukemoran.bsky.social
sassy mother of three. comedy writer. @lukekmoran on twitter
I’m not hungry but thank you
@ucbtla @theonion, 🎵 @sheepeyes
lukemoran.horse
I’m not hungry but thank you
@ucbtla @theonion, 🎵 @sheepeyes
lukemoran.horse
Pinned
Luke Moran
@lukemoran.bsky.social
· May 31
They just announced that I’m the main character of everything
Hey everyone, it’s filipino hour. Everyone has to do one thing that’s filipino.
December 2, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Hey everyone, it’s filipino hour. Everyone has to do one thing that’s filipino.
everyone please make sure to take care of yourself this holiday season, but also me 🙏 please make sure to give me lots of attention 🙏🙏
December 1, 2025 at 9:36 PM
everyone please make sure to take care of yourself this holiday season, but also me 🙏 please make sure to give me lots of attention 🙏🙏
[sitting down for subway takes]
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
December 1, 2025 at 4:04 PM
[sitting down for subway takes]
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
me: a bug is not normal. a bug is an affront to god.
Is everything that’s ever happened good or bad?
November 29, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Is everything that’s ever happened good or bad?
The time has nearly come for me to save the New York indie rock scene
November 23, 2025 at 4:39 PM
The time has nearly come for me to save the New York indie rock scene
Reposted by Luke Moran
the last 24 hours on X, summed up:
November 23, 2025 at 2:26 PM
the last 24 hours on X, summed up:
Reposted by Luke Moran
This might be the single funniest thing that has happened during this incredibly cursed year
November 21, 2025 at 9:59 PM
This might be the single funniest thing that has happened during this incredibly cursed year
I hope no one‘s creating any dastardly AI videos of me doing something troublesome right now
November 22, 2025 at 10:50 PM
I hope no one‘s creating any dastardly AI videos of me doing something troublesome right now
Now that Trump is chill with Mamdani, I bet you all feel embarrassed about criticizing me for taking a major role dismantling the Department of Agriculture
November 22, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Now that Trump is chill with Mamdani, I bet you all feel embarrassed about criticizing me for taking a major role dismantling the Department of Agriculture
Hide your daughters, folks—I’m going to the public library
November 22, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Hide your daughters, folks—I’m going to the public library
Committing suicide by overdosing CBD sodas
November 22, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Committing suicide by overdosing CBD sodas
I hate gay halloween—what do you mean you’re me from the future & you’ve traveled back in time to prevent some unspeakable tragedy?
October 30, 2025 at 11:18 PM
I hate gay halloween—what do you mean you’re me from the future & you’ve traveled back in time to prevent some unspeakable tragedy?
Reposted by Luke Moran
Who Was Jeffery Epstein? Find out by watching 'The Onion Investigates: Jeffery Epstein' on The Onion here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoGcQhWU
October 11, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Who Was Jeffery Epstein? Find out by watching 'The Onion Investigates: Jeffery Epstein' on The Onion here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoGcQhWU
The GOP guy who owns all the voting machines now has a right to change our votes because that’s his private property and I respect business owners ❤️
October 11, 2025 at 12:29 AM
The GOP guy who owns all the voting machines now has a right to change our votes because that’s his private property and I respect business owners ❤️
I’m building a data center in my bedroom that will raise electricity bills for half the continental US
October 6, 2025 at 2:02 AM
I’m building a data center in my bedroom that will raise electricity bills for half the continental US
I’ve been doing mass surveillance on everyone sorry guys 😔
October 3, 2025 at 10:45 PM
I’ve been doing mass surveillance on everyone sorry guys 😔
Reposted by Luke Moran
saw a guy get raptured but when he was floating up in the beam of light he started jerkin’ it and the beam dropped him. he’s dead, he’s dead now and in hell
September 23, 2025 at 2:16 PM
saw a guy get raptured but when he was floating up in the beam of light he started jerkin’ it and the beam dropped him. he’s dead, he’s dead now and in hell
Reposted by Luke Moran
Can’t express in words how big this rally in Chicago is. The president’s fascist goon squad is not welcome here.
September 6, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Can’t express in words how big this rally in Chicago is. The president’s fascist goon squad is not welcome here.
Reposted by Luke Moran
The Onion News Network truck is currently stationed outside the Broadview ICE Detention facility just outside of Chicago.
September 6, 2025 at 5:34 PM
The Onion News Network truck is currently stationed outside the Broadview ICE Detention facility just outside of Chicago.
Reposted by Luke Moran
Reposted by Luke Moran
Hello! Good news! The Onion is getting larger this month! Same price and 33% more pages of America’s finest news from here on out!
Worse news! Today is the last day to sign up to get this month’s issue. Subscribe or feel left out forever and ever.
membership.theonion.com
Worse news! Today is the last day to sign up to get this month’s issue. Subscribe or feel left out forever and ever.
membership.theonion.com
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
membership.theonion.com
August 12, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Hello! Good news! The Onion is getting larger this month! Same price and 33% more pages of America’s finest news from here on out!
Worse news! Today is the last day to sign up to get this month’s issue. Subscribe or feel left out forever and ever.
membership.theonion.com
Worse news! Today is the last day to sign up to get this month’s issue. Subscribe or feel left out forever and ever.
membership.theonion.com
The rap break in tongue-tied by alternative sleaze pop icons grouplove >>>>> 🔥💯
August 10, 2025 at 7:56 PM
The rap break in tongue-tied by alternative sleaze pop icons grouplove >>>>> 🔥💯
Reposted by Luke Moran
Reposted by Luke Moran
goddamn this guy is good
Mamdani: I would say that for the former governor to have spent an entire day speaking almost exclusively about me and barely about the New Yorkers who have been killed is indicative of the very politics New Yorkers want to leave in the past.
July 30, 2025 at 7:33 PM
goddamn this guy is good
Reposted by Luke Moran
If I see a job listed with no salary I submit a selfie instead of a resume. If I have to guess then so do they
July 26, 2025 at 3:08 AM
If I see a job listed with no salary I submit a selfie instead of a resume. If I have to guess then so do they