American politics makes a lot more sense when you realize that the GOP is afraid of pissing off the GOP base, and the Dems are afraid of pissing off the GOP base, but neither party is afraid of pissing off the Dem base.

you’re fired. wait you’re rehired. email us a list of things you’ve done today wait forget it you’re fired again. come back your job was important. you’re fired. or hired. come in to the office. wait the office has no computers go home. we are the department of government efficiency.

Every year we must battle anew: the Time Magazine person of the year is meant to be for the most influential person that year, there was a very good case for making it Hitler in '38 and it was rank cowardice not to give it to Bin Laden in 2001.

*at the box office, feeling bad for Sony Pictures* 40 million tickets for Kraven the Hunter please

Lying is so awesome. Crafting reality is usually the provenance of gods and kings, but with one word, I can be the most interesting person at a party, the highest ranking person at a meeting or the least qualified person currently operating heavy machinery.