I'm making a prequel called Ocean's Two. Yeah it's about when he's still in his dad's BALLS (glances up from phone enough to jerk steering wheel back to right lane)

SOCRATES: No god is a philosopher or seeker after wisdom, for he is wise already; nor does any man who is wise seek after wisdom.

PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.

DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers

Happy 80th anniversary of Hitler killing himself in his bunker to all who celebrate, which, as I now understand it, is not everybody

i’m not saying she shouldn’t be but it’s kinda nuts barbara walters is still alive. i just googled it while writing this to check and it turns out she’s not, but im already at the end of this post. rest in peace barbara walters

my son: I fell in class and some kids made fun of me
me: no big deal
son: they named me Mr. Weebly Wobbly
me: godamn. Ok. there are other schools. we don't have to live here