Private in-stressed-igator
@in-stressed-igator.bsky.social
They/them 🕵🏻 Private investigator for your local PNW public defender office. No client confidences. I just need a place to put my work thoughts
Every day this week:
Me: wow a new case! What could it be? I sure hope it’s not a DV strangulation!
*opens discovery*
🤡🤡🤡
Me: wow a new case! What could it be? I sure hope it’s not a DV strangulation!
*opens discovery*
🤡🤡🤡
July 24, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Every day this week:
Me: wow a new case! What could it be? I sure hope it’s not a DV strangulation!
*opens discovery*
🤡🤡🤡
Me: wow a new case! What could it be? I sure hope it’s not a DV strangulation!
*opens discovery*
🤡🤡🤡
When you give victim rights to someone and they go “yeah I understand, I used to be a PI in [one county over]” and then proceeds to talk shop with you
July 12, 2025 at 3:45 AM
When you give victim rights to someone and they go “yeah I understand, I used to be a PI in [one county over]” and then proceeds to talk shop with you
On the DL hoping an alleged victim in one of my cases invokes their right to not talk to me bc if they waive, it’s not gonna be a fun interview 😢
June 20, 2025 at 9:51 PM
On the DL hoping an alleged victim in one of my cases invokes their right to not talk to me bc if they waive, it’s not gonna be a fun interview 😢
Fun fact from the OCDLA conference: ORS 136.595 says that if the witness you’re subpoenaing is 14 or under, you may serve the subpoena by giving a copy to their parent or guardian. May! Not have to. So you could totally just serve a baby. I mean, there are practical reasons to serve the parents.
June 13, 2025 at 4:17 AM
Fun fact from the OCDLA conference: ORS 136.595 says that if the witness you’re subpoenaing is 14 or under, you may serve the subpoena by giving a copy to their parent or guardian. May! Not have to. So you could totally just serve a baby. I mean, there are practical reasons to serve the parents.
In-stressed-igator’s rules for jail visits! ALWAYS:
1) Eat before going
2) Bring your laptop so if you get stuck, you can teams a coworker to call the front desk
3)Use the bathroom before going
4)Jail floor is nasty! No shoes w metal in them at all
5)Get a little treat after bc jail sucks!!
1) Eat before going
2) Bring your laptop so if you get stuck, you can teams a coworker to call the front desk
3)Use the bathroom before going
4)Jail floor is nasty! No shoes w metal in them at all
5)Get a little treat after bc jail sucks!!
June 12, 2025 at 1:10 AM
In-stressed-igator’s rules for jail visits! ALWAYS:
1) Eat before going
2) Bring your laptop so if you get stuck, you can teams a coworker to call the front desk
3)Use the bathroom before going
4)Jail floor is nasty! No shoes w metal in them at all
5)Get a little treat after bc jail sucks!!
1) Eat before going
2) Bring your laptop so if you get stuck, you can teams a coworker to call the front desk
3)Use the bathroom before going
4)Jail floor is nasty! No shoes w metal in them at all
5)Get a little treat after bc jail sucks!!
Was in the field working a failure to perform the duties of a driver case and then BECAME THE VICTIM of a failure to perform duties of a driver case 😭🫠
May 22, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Was in the field working a failure to perform the duties of a driver case and then BECAME THE VICTIM of a failure to perform duties of a driver case 😭🫠
Hey! Don’t tell your girlfriend about the crimes you’ve committed!
May 22, 2025 at 5:05 AM
Hey! Don’t tell your girlfriend about the crimes you’ve committed!
Reposted by Private in-stressed-igator
Multnomah County is gutting social services that keep people housed. every program that aids the poor and marginalized. mental health services and county adult special services, all axed. DA Nathan Vasquez is asking for a budget increase
next year Oregon will give back roughly $1.5 billion in taxes
next year Oregon will give back roughly $1.5 billion in taxes
May 15, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Multnomah County is gutting social services that keep people housed. every program that aids the poor and marginalized. mental health services and county adult special services, all axed. DA Nathan Vasquez is asking for a budget increase
next year Oregon will give back roughly $1.5 billion in taxes
next year Oregon will give back roughly $1.5 billion in taxes
Is this a joke? Did they just ignore all the people who died while in custody?
www.kxl.com/multnomah-co...
www.kxl.com/multnomah-co...
Multnomah County Corrections Health Division Earns Full Accreditation - KXL
PORTLAND, Ore. – Multnomah County’s Corrections Health Division has received full accreditation from the National Commission on Correctional...
www.kxl.com
May 14, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Is this a joke? Did they just ignore all the people who died while in custody?
www.kxl.com/multnomah-co...
www.kxl.com/multnomah-co...
Ugh my client just dropped the juiciest secret and I can’t gossip about it 😩
May 14, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Ugh my client just dropped the juiciest secret and I can’t gossip about it 😩
subpoena duces freak-‘em
April 22, 2025 at 10:55 PM
subpoena duces freak-‘em
When the DA calls my client a “lifetime offender” 🤬🤬
April 21, 2025 at 6:40 PM
When the DA calls my client a “lifetime offender” 🤬🤬
This is fucking ridiculous. They don’t want to listen to any of our solutions and then act surprised when the crisis isn’t immediately fixed.
Gov. Tina Kotek fired Jessica Kampfe, the head of Oregon’s Public Defense Commission, on Thursday morning. “It is unacceptable that more than 4,000 defendants in Oregon do not have attorneys assigned,” Kotek said in a statement.
Kotek fires head of troubled Oregon public defense agency
Gov. Tina Kotek replaced Jessica Kampfe, the head of the Oregon’s Public Defense Commission, Thursday morning.
www.opb.org
April 17, 2025 at 11:54 PM
This is fucking ridiculous. They don’t want to listen to any of our solutions and then act surprised when the crisis isn’t immediately fixed.
STOP POSTING YOUR CRIMES ON THE INTERNET 📢
April 9, 2025 at 8:04 PM
STOP POSTING YOUR CRIMES ON THE INTERNET 📢
Every day I wake up and thank God the details of my private life aren’t in court filings. It’s so normalized, but reading peoples’ secrets is a privilege and shouldn’t be taken lightly.
April 9, 2025 at 7:09 PM
Every day I wake up and thank God the details of my private life aren’t in court filings. It’s so normalized, but reading peoples’ secrets is a privilege and shouldn’t be taken lightly.
At the jail to see client
*hands new deputy ID and visit form*
New deputy: *looks at computer* Isn’t there a no-contact order?
Deputy: What’s the name on it?
ND: *reads complaining witness’s name*
Deputy: And is that their name?
ND: *looks at badge* Oh. I guess not.
🤡🤡🤡
*hands new deputy ID and visit form*
New deputy: *looks at computer* Isn’t there a no-contact order?
Deputy: What’s the name on it?
ND: *reads complaining witness’s name*
Deputy: And is that their name?
ND: *looks at badge* Oh. I guess not.
🤡🤡🤡
April 3, 2025 at 12:12 AM
At the jail to see client
*hands new deputy ID and visit form*
New deputy: *looks at computer* Isn’t there a no-contact order?
Deputy: What’s the name on it?
ND: *reads complaining witness’s name*
Deputy: And is that their name?
ND: *looks at badge* Oh. I guess not.
🤡🤡🤡
*hands new deputy ID and visit form*
New deputy: *looks at computer* Isn’t there a no-contact order?
Deputy: What’s the name on it?
ND: *reads complaining witness’s name*
Deputy: And is that their name?
ND: *looks at badge* Oh. I guess not.
🤡🤡🤡
Afternoon start for trial today, LFG
April 1, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Afternoon start for trial today, LFG
Reposted by Private in-stressed-igator
“We are currently clean on OPSEC” accidentally sent to a journalist is an all time classic.
March 26, 2025 at 12:39 PM
“We are currently clean on OPSEC” accidentally sent to a journalist is an all time classic.
SMH y’all gotta stop leaving crime scene/autopsy photos by the printer 👎🏼
March 26, 2025 at 11:25 PM
SMH y’all gotta stop leaving crime scene/autopsy photos by the printer 👎🏼
Happy Wednesday to anyone with a felony DV case that’s about to turn into Major Felony™️ DV case 🥴🤦🏻
March 26, 2025 at 8:21 PM
Happy Wednesday to anyone with a felony DV case that’s about to turn into Major Felony™️ DV case 🥴🤦🏻
Reposted by Private in-stressed-igator
Happy public defenders day aka Gideon day ✨
March 18, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Happy public defenders day aka Gideon day ✨
Reposted by Private in-stressed-igator
Big news if true for criminal defendants in state trial courts
"There are actually questions about whether a verbal order carries the same weight as a written order" -- Leavitt on court orders and Trump's compliance (or lack thereof) with them
March 17, 2025 at 10:16 PM
Big news if true for criminal defendants in state trial courts
[At an alumni/student networking event @ my Alma mater]
Student: Oh I could never be a PI, I stand out too much!
Me: *covered in tattoos, facial piercings*
Student: Oh I could never be a PI, I stand out too much!
Me: *covered in tattoos, facial piercings*
March 18, 2025 at 3:06 AM
[At an alumni/student networking event @ my Alma mater]
Student: Oh I could never be a PI, I stand out too much!
Me: *covered in tattoos, facial piercings*
Student: Oh I could never be a PI, I stand out too much!
Me: *covered in tattoos, facial piercings*
If you hate cops I want you on my jury but for the love of god don’t say how much you hate cops!
March 16, 2025 at 4:37 AM
If you hate cops I want you on my jury but for the love of god don’t say how much you hate cops!