Paige
@hypnotoad7145.bsky.social
Reposted by Paige
Trump Struggling To Remember How He Related To Elon Musk
theonion.com/trump-s...
theonion.com/trump-s...
Trump Struggling To Remember How He Related To Elon Musk
WASHINGTON—Trying to figure out if he had a third brother he forgot about or if Don Jr. had just lost some weight, President Donald Trump was reportedly struggling Friday to remember how he was related to Elon Musk. “I know that if he’s this high up in my organization this Elon guy must be related […]
theonion.com
February 8, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Trump Struggling To Remember How He Related To Elon Musk
theonion.com/trump-s...
theonion.com/trump-s...
Reposted by Paige
Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover
theonion.com/mitch-mcconn...
theonion.com/mitch-mcconn...
February 6, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover
theonion.com/mitch-mcconn...
theonion.com/mitch-mcconn...
Reposted by Paige
ICE Argues Migrants In Camps Are Free To Die At Any Time
theonion.com/ice-arg...
theonion.com/ice-arg...
February 6, 2025 at 3:00 PM
ICE Argues Migrants In Camps Are Free To Die At Any Time
theonion.com/ice-arg...
theonion.com/ice-arg...
Reposted by Paige
Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test
Watch Full Onion News Network Segment Here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZoH...
Watch Full Onion News Network Segment Here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZoH...
February 5, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test
Watch Full Onion News Network Segment Here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZoH...
Watch Full Onion News Network Segment Here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZoH...
Reposted by Paige
FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States
FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States
WASHINGTON—Putting the nation on alert against what it has described as a “highly credible terrorist threat,” the FBI announced today that it has uncovered a plot by members of al-Qaeda to sit back an...
theonion.com
February 5, 2025 at 6:31 PM
FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States
Reposted by Paige
JD Vance Begins To Suspect There Another Group Chat
theonion.com/jd-vanc...
theonion.com/jd-vanc...
JD Vance Begins To Suspect There Another Group Chat
PALM BEACH, FL—Noticing everyone else’s phone simultaneously buzzing throughout a meeting, Vice President-elect JD Vance began to suspect there was another group chat among Trump’s senior staff that he wasn’t part of, sources confirmed Monday. “It can’t be a coincidence that they all keep looking down at their phones and chuckling at the same time,” […]
theonion.com
February 5, 2025 at 12:00 AM
JD Vance Begins To Suspect There Another Group Chat
theonion.com/jd-vanc...
theonion.com/jd-vanc...
Reposted by Paige
Chick-Fil-A Raptured
theonion.com/chick-f...
theonion.com/chick-f...
Chick-Fil-A Raptured
ATLANTA—In a harrowing fulfillment of biblical prophecy that left customers screaming as their fast food orders disappeared before their eyes, panicked sources reported Tuesday that every Chick-fil-A store had been raptured. The massive heavenly event began at 12:02 p.m. EST when a large burst of God’s divine light shot down from the clouds and slowly […]
theonion.com
February 1, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Chick-Fil-A Raptured
theonion.com/chick-f...
theonion.com/chick-f...
Reposted by Paige
WELCOME TO BLACK HISTORY MONTH
a black background with the words black history month in red yellow and green
Alt: a black background with the words black history month in red yellow and green
media.tenor.com
February 1, 2025 at 8:06 AM
WELCOME TO BLACK HISTORY MONTH
Reposted by Paige
January 31, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Reposted by Paige
Reposted by Paige
Pete Buttigieg responds to Trump:
January 30, 2025 at 5:56 PM
Pete Buttigieg responds to Trump:
Reposted by Paige
I've assembled a team of the most horrible perverts and criminals you've ever seen and we're going to fix this country
January 30, 2025 at 7:11 PM
I've assembled a team of the most horrible perverts and criminals you've ever seen and we're going to fix this country
Reposted by Paige
Report: 32% Of Prayers Deflected Off Passing Satellites
theonion.com/report-...
theonion.com/report-...
January 31, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Report: 32% Of Prayers Deflected Off Passing Satellites
theonion.com/report-...
theonion.com/report-...
Reposted by Paige
ICE Agent Decides He Wants Kids After Seeing Incredible Love And Devotion Of Parents Begging Him Not To Take Their Child
theonion.com/ice-age...
theonion.com/ice-age...
January 31, 2025 at 4:00 PM
ICE Agent Decides He Wants Kids After Seeing Incredible Love And Devotion Of Parents Begging Him Not To Take Their Child
theonion.com/ice-age...
theonion.com/ice-age...
Reposted by Paige
Pros And Cons Of Ending Birthright Citizenship
theonion.com/pros-an...
theonion.com/pros-an...
January 27, 2025 at 10:15 PM
Pros And Cons Of Ending Birthright Citizenship
theonion.com/pros-an...
theonion.com/pros-an...
Reposted by Paige
War Crime! US President supporting ethnic cleansing to pave the way for Trump-Kushner real estate opportunities and oil and gas theft.
First they came for Palestine, but I said nothing because I was not Palestinian.
Then they came for Greenland, and I said nothing because I was not from Greenland.
First they came for Palestine, but I said nothing because I was not Palestinian.
Then they came for Greenland, and I said nothing because I was not from Greenland.
January 26, 2025 at 7:13 PM
War Crime! US President supporting ethnic cleansing to pave the way for Trump-Kushner real estate opportunities and oil and gas theft.
First they came for Palestine, but I said nothing because I was not Palestinian.
Then they came for Greenland, and I said nothing because I was not from Greenland.
First they came for Palestine, but I said nothing because I was not Palestinian.
Then they came for Greenland, and I said nothing because I was not from Greenland.
Reposted by Paige
Trump’s Defense nominee Pete Hegseth accidentally flipped a skateboard into his nuts on live TV
January 20, 2025 at 3:40 PM
Trump’s Defense nominee Pete Hegseth accidentally flipped a skateboard into his nuts on live TV
Reposted by Paige
I will forgive and forget January 6th when I’m dead.
January 21, 2025 at 2:00 AM
I will forgive and forget January 6th when I’m dead.
Reposted by Paige
Earth Explodes
theonion.com/earth-e...
theonion.com/earth-e...
January 20, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Earth Explodes
theonion.com/earth-e...
theonion.com/earth-e...
Reposted by Paige
We live in a post-shame world.
January 20, 2025 at 5:02 AM
We live in a post-shame world.
Reposted by Paige
‘Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.’ — Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
On #MLKDay, we honor his legacy by choosing love over hate, justice over injustice, and hope over fear.
On #MLKDay, we honor his legacy by choosing love over hate, justice over injustice, and hope over fear.
January 20, 2025 at 2:55 PM
‘Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.’ — Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
On #MLKDay, we honor his legacy by choosing love over hate, justice over injustice, and hope over fear.
On #MLKDay, we honor his legacy by choosing love over hate, justice over injustice, and hope over fear.
Reposted by Paige
‘We Must Protect The Pure Aryan Bloodline,’ Says Child After 9 Minutes Of Unsupervised Facebook Access
‘We Must Protect The Pure Aryan Bloodline,’ Says Child After 9 Minutes Of Unsupervised Facebook Access
PEABODY, MA—Having discovered the social media website open on his father’s unattended laptop, local 6-year-old Oliver Sherman stated “We must protect the pure Aryan bloodline” Friday after nine minut...
theonion.com
January 11, 2025 at 9:42 PM
‘We Must Protect The Pure Aryan Bloodline,’ Says Child After 9 Minutes Of Unsupervised Facebook Access
How and why is lobbying legal? $7.6 million is what Zuckerberg spent lobbying congress to ban TikTok. Just, ew
January 11, 2025 at 11:56 AM
How and why is lobbying legal? $7.6 million is what Zuckerberg spent lobbying congress to ban TikTok. Just, ew
Reposted by Paige
I do feel like we forget that a mere 100 years ago 20% of children in America just fucking died.
January 11, 2025 at 4:15 AM
I do feel like we forget that a mere 100 years ago 20% of children in America just fucking died.
Reposted by Paige
Jealous Trump Throws Own State Funeral To Upstage Carter’s
theonion.com/jealous...
theonion.com/jealous...
January 9, 2025 at 8:45 PM
Jealous Trump Throws Own State Funeral To Upstage Carter’s
theonion.com/jealous...
theonion.com/jealous...