Disney's only off-ramp is to give Kimmel's time slot to Matt Damon.
September 19, 2025 at 2:59 AM
Disney's only off-ramp is to give Kimmel's time slot to Matt Damon.
Defenestrate the king?
Somebody is throwing things out of a window of the White House
wtaf
wtaf
September 1, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Defenestrate the king?
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All of my political views and policy ideas have basically collapsed to "Punish the Villains" and I mumble it to myself every time I see a news article these days
August 11, 2025 at 1:36 PM
All of my political views and policy ideas have basically collapsed to "Punish the Villains" and I mumble it to myself every time I see a news article these days
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I haven't been well since learning Courtney Williams developed high blood pressure from eating Fruity Pebbles French toast and fried chicken (yum) every day (no), prolly via DoorDash ($$$)
July 10, 2025 at 3:35 PM
I haven't been well since learning Courtney Williams developed high blood pressure from eating Fruity Pebbles French toast and fried chicken (yum) every day (no), prolly via DoorDash ($$$)
this some bullshit day now
July 4, 2025 at 3:36 PM
this some bullshit day now
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I genuinely don’t think this is going to be WWIII, but what scares me is I’m never ever right about anything.
June 22, 2025 at 1:23 AM
I genuinely don’t think this is going to be WWIII, but what scares me is I’m never ever right about anything.
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It’s a real unearned W for all Gen-Xers that the teens use both “boomer” and “millennial” as shorthand for old people but have completely forgotten about us, the worst generation of them all.
April 18, 2025 at 11:50 PM
It’s a real unearned W for all Gen-Xers that the teens use both “boomer” and “millennial” as shorthand for old people but have completely forgotten about us, the worst generation of them all.
Gen Z is using trauma dump incorrectly.
April 9, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Gen Z is using trauma dump incorrectly.
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if they can make a big wolf with illegal science they can make a grizzly bear so small it can hibernate in my lap
April 9, 2025 at 12:46 AM
if they can make a big wolf with illegal science they can make a grizzly bear so small it can hibernate in my lap
You don't need to be as pretty as Luigi for us to adore you.
February 6, 2025 at 7:09 PM
You don't need to be as pretty as Luigi for us to adore you.
Most libmoms will tell you defenestration can be made to look like an accident or suicide. They all have Luigi tattoos and can each bench more than twice their own weight off only a single glass of wine.
January 18, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Most libmoms will tell you defenestration can be made to look like an accident or suicide. They all have Luigi tattoos and can each bench more than twice their own weight off only a single glass of wine.
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guy who shoved me at the bar last night didn't know he was pushing a trained speed walker but he sure as hell found out
December 22, 2024 at 6:52 PM
guy who shoved me at the bar last night didn't know he was pushing a trained speed walker but he sure as hell found out
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Reposted by dog tongue out
Thank you, sir. Anyway, Jimmy Carter is currently trying to escape hospice care so he can build a house for a homeless person.
December 21, 2024 at 6:45 AM
Thank you, sir. Anyway, Jimmy Carter is currently trying to escape hospice care so he can build a house for a homeless person.
Shaqo on his backo
December 11, 2024 at 4:09 AM
Shaqo on his backo
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Standing calmly in one nostril of the giant Double Dare nose
December 6, 2024 at 12:56 PM
Standing calmly in one nostril of the giant Double Dare nose
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Alarm goes off at 2 am. I rise from bed, put on my "night pants" and go to the garage to beat our metal trash cans with a rake handle until dawn. Been 15 years and the two keys to our marriage are 1) my wife has never once asked why and 2) I am completely nonverbal after a workplace brain injury.
November 25, 2024 at 5:09 AM
Alarm goes off at 2 am. I rise from bed, put on my "night pants" and go to the garage to beat our metal trash cans with a rake handle until dawn. Been 15 years and the two keys to our marriage are 1) my wife has never once asked why and 2) I am completely nonverbal after a workplace brain injury.
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I hate when people ask me what’s on my mind. I’m a rational actor, you could easily game out what I'm thinking yourself.
November 22, 2024 at 4:31 PM
I hate when people ask me what’s on my mind. I’m a rational actor, you could easily game out what I'm thinking yourself.
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I honestly do think that even though the immediate future looks very bleak for the country, we will all eventually come out of it okay.
(An important caveat is that I think being dead is okay.)
(An important caveat is that I think being dead is okay.)
November 19, 2024 at 11:41 PM
I honestly do think that even though the immediate future looks very bleak for the country, we will all eventually come out of it okay.
(An important caveat is that I think being dead is okay.)
(An important caveat is that I think being dead is okay.)
Quincy Jones took all of my secrets and all evidence of my wrongdoing to the grave with him.
November 4, 2024 at 11:48 PM
Quincy Jones took all of my secrets and all evidence of my wrongdoing to the grave with him.