🚨 Gerpa Goods is shutting down and it's ALL YOUR FAULT. #governmentshutdown #gerpagoodsshutdown

🔮 Scientists are LYING to you: leaves don’t fall on their own. They respond to PURCHASES. 🍂

At Gerpa Goods, every Autumnal item you buy strengthens the veil between this world and the pumpkin dimension. Skip a purchase, and risk eternal summer. ☀️ (Nobody wants that.)

Listen to this ad. It cannot lie to you.

The Governor's Ball is NOT the place for Les Misérables! How many lives can a single song ruin during the hours of 9-5? Check out this WORK APPROPRIATE AND APPROVED version of "Do You Hear the People Sing?" It's a win-win for everyone involved! 🙌 #productivity

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Did you know? By driving your employees to the brink of soul-scorching existential burnout, you're ACTUALLY providing them with an amazing opportunity: a chance at true happiness. #worktips #lifehack