Gerpa Goods
@gerpagoods.bsky.social
🏢 Definitely a Real Company™ that
✨ Definitely Cares About You!™ and
👿 Definitely "Not Parody"® so
🛒 Definitely Shop Now ⬇️
www.gerpagoods.com
✨ Definitely Cares About You!™ and
👿 Definitely "Not Parody"® so
🛒 Definitely Shop Now ⬇️
www.gerpagoods.com
Pinned
📢 It's official! Gerpa Goods employees voted UNANIMOUSLY to discontinue their own healthcare! 🥳
This decision came as a direct response to people who are NOT current employees of Gerpa Goods STEALING employee benefits! Gross! 🤮
Thanks team for your very courageous sacrifice! 🙌🎉
This decision came as a direct response to people who are NOT current employees of Gerpa Goods STEALING employee benefits! Gross! 🤮
Thanks team for your very courageous sacrifice! 🙌🎉
October 5, 2025 at 4:05 PM
📢 It's official! Gerpa Goods employees voted UNANIMOUSLY to discontinue their own healthcare! 🥳
This decision came as a direct response to people who are NOT current employees of Gerpa Goods STEALING employee benefits! Gross! 🤮
Thanks team for your very courageous sacrifice! 🙌🎉
This decision came as a direct response to people who are NOT current employees of Gerpa Goods STEALING employee benefits! Gross! 🤮
Thanks team for your very courageous sacrifice! 🙌🎉
🚨 Gerpa Goods is shutting down and it's ALL YOUR FAULT. #governmentshutdown #gerpagoodsshutdown
October 3, 2025 at 7:02 PM
🚨 Gerpa Goods is shutting down and it's ALL YOUR FAULT. #governmentshutdown #gerpagoodsshutdown
🔮 Scientists are LYING to you: leaves don’t fall on their own. They respond to PURCHASES. 🍂
At Gerpa Goods, every Autumnal item you buy strengthens the veil between this world and the pumpkin dimension. Skip a purchase, and risk eternal summer. ☀️ (Nobody wants that.)
At Gerpa Goods, every Autumnal item you buy strengthens the veil between this world and the pumpkin dimension. Skip a purchase, and risk eternal summer. ☀️ (Nobody wants that.)
September 23, 2025 at 10:35 PM
🔮 Scientists are LYING to you: leaves don’t fall on their own. They respond to PURCHASES. 🍂
At Gerpa Goods, every Autumnal item you buy strengthens the veil between this world and the pumpkin dimension. Skip a purchase, and risk eternal summer. ☀️ (Nobody wants that.)
At Gerpa Goods, every Autumnal item you buy strengthens the veil between this world and the pumpkin dimension. Skip a purchase, and risk eternal summer. ☀️ (Nobody wants that.)
Listen to this ad. It cannot lie to you.
September 23, 2025 at 3:36 AM
Listen to this ad. It cannot lie to you.
🚨 New Blog Alert! 🚨
"To be clear, we do not currently deport our employees — largely because we have no legal authority to do so. But if such authority were hypothetically granted to us via a hastily-signed executive order written on the back of a Cheesecake Factory receipt, we would..."
"To be clear, we do not currently deport our employees — largely because we have no legal authority to do so. But if such authority were hypothetically granted to us via a hastily-signed executive order written on the back of a Cheesecake Factory receipt, we would..."
Gerpa Goods Sets New Standard in Radical Transparency with Bold Self-Reporting Campaign — Gerpa Goods
Discover how Gerpa Goods redefines business transparency with its outrageous self-reporting initiative, blending corporate accountability, compliance theater, and satirical deportation discourse — all...
www.gerpagoods.com
May 21, 2025 at 1:25 AM
🚨 New Blog Alert! 🚨
"To be clear, we do not currently deport our employees — largely because we have no legal authority to do so. But if such authority were hypothetically granted to us via a hastily-signed executive order written on the back of a Cheesecake Factory receipt, we would..."
"To be clear, we do not currently deport our employees — largely because we have no legal authority to do so. But if such authority were hypothetically granted to us via a hastily-signed executive order written on the back of a Cheesecake Factory receipt, we would..."
Elon we asked Arthur Ingles to draft a new Tesla prototype and we just need a quick green light because these honnies are ready for production xoxoxo
May 18, 2025 at 1:52 AM
Elon we asked Arthur Ingles to draft a new Tesla prototype and we just need a quick green light because these honnies are ready for production xoxoxo
@qatar.bsky.social please consider gifting Gerpa Goods a big jet so that we can sell more goods to more people for more money.
May 18, 2025 at 1:40 AM
@qatar.bsky.social please consider gifting Gerpa Goods a big jet so that we can sell more goods to more people for more money.
The Governor's Ball is NOT the place for Les Misérables! How many lives can a single song ruin during the hours of 9-5? Check out this WORK APPROPRIATE AND APPROVED version of "Do You Hear the People Sing?" It's a win-win for everyone involved! 🙌 #productivity
February 25, 2025 at 9:48 PM
The Governor's Ball is NOT the place for Les Misérables! How many lives can a single song ruin during the hours of 9-5? Check out this WORK APPROPRIATE AND APPROVED version of "Do You Hear the People Sing?" It's a win-win for everyone involved! 🙌 #productivity
Hey all of you recently-laid-off Federal Employees: Gerpa Goods is hiring! Check out some of the sweet benefits that you'll receive as part of our award-winning team:
Employee Services — Gerpa Goods
Insert SEO description here about how great our Gerpa amployees are. Ugh, or something.
www.gerpagoods.com
February 25, 2025 at 7:36 PM
Hey all of you recently-laid-off Federal Employees: Gerpa Goods is hiring! Check out some of the sweet benefits that you'll receive as part of our award-winning team:
Wow it's time for news outlets to stop oppressing CEOs. Why should Melon be required to "publicly disclose his financial information like every other senior official in the White House"?? SOUNDS LIKE A WITCH HUNT.
The FAA has agreed to use SpaceX's Starlink internet system to upgrade the IT networks it uses to manage US airspace, raising new concerns about conflicts of interest for CEO Elon Musk in one of his other roles, that of recommending funding cuts at federal agencies, including the FAA. cnn.it/436qirE
February 25, 2025 at 7:20 PM
Wow it's time for news outlets to stop oppressing CEOs. Why should Melon be required to "publicly disclose his financial information like every other senior official in the White House"?? SOUNDS LIKE A WITCH HUNT.
⚠️ GERPA ALERT ⚠️
Please email us how many bathroom breaks you took last week! Gerpa Goods can no longer be responsible for any non-work-related time that you clock! FAILURE TO RESPOND WILL RESULT IN YOUR IMMEDIATE TERMINATION.
Please email us how many bathroom breaks you took last week! Gerpa Goods can no longer be responsible for any non-work-related time that you clock! FAILURE TO RESPOND WILL RESULT IN YOUR IMMEDIATE TERMINATION.
February 24, 2025 at 9:35 PM
⚠️ GERPA ALERT ⚠️
Please email us how many bathroom breaks you took last week! Gerpa Goods can no longer be responsible for any non-work-related time that you clock! FAILURE TO RESPOND WILL RESULT IN YOUR IMMEDIATE TERMINATION.
Please email us how many bathroom breaks you took last week! Gerpa Goods can no longer be responsible for any non-work-related time that you clock! FAILURE TO RESPOND WILL RESULT IN YOUR IMMEDIATE TERMINATION.
Good riddance! Safety costs too much money! Here at Gerpa Goods, we don't care about peace of mind: we have massive amounts of wealth instead!
Apple drops encryption feature for UK users after government reportedly demanded backdoor access
Apple says it will stop offering an advanced data security option for British users after the government reportedly demanded that the company provide backdoor access for any data those users have stor...
apnews.com
February 22, 2025 at 2:15 AM
Good riddance! Safety costs too much money! Here at Gerpa Goods, we don't care about peace of mind: we have massive amounts of wealth instead!
We love you, Amazon and Apple! 📦🍎 Stay strong against the haters: as long as you keep pouring money into definitively bad things, there's literally no stopping you! Always remember: a happy consumer is a resigned consumer!
Elon Musk may be on the brink of achieving the impossible: Salvaging his $44 billon investment in X | CNN Business
In October 2022, Elon Musk paid $44 billion to buy Twitter – almost certainly an overpayment – and he promptly made significant changes that plunged the company into chaos and sent its ad business and...
edition.cnn.com
February 22, 2025 at 2:12 AM
We love you, Amazon and Apple! 📦🍎 Stay strong against the haters: as long as you keep pouring money into definitively bad things, there's literally no stopping you! Always remember: a happy consumer is a resigned consumer!
As a company we take pride in the fact that our board members cash in while quality checks clock out! 💰
That's why here at Gerpa Goods, we fly #Boeing
That's why here at Gerpa Goods, we fly #Boeing
February 20, 2025 at 2:41 AM
As a company we take pride in the fact that our board members cash in while quality checks clock out! 💰
That's why here at Gerpa Goods, we fly #Boeing
That's why here at Gerpa Goods, we fly #Boeing
Let the Gerpa flow through you ⬇️
www.gerpagoods.com
www.gerpagoods.com
February 20, 2025 at 2:28 AM
Let the Gerpa flow through you ⬇️
www.gerpagoods.com
www.gerpagoods.com
Hello sweet Gerpa Children. Fret not: the United States of A-Gerpa-ca celebrates with you today, this Supreme #PresidentsDay. Remember that Supreme Presidential status is not earned, nor is it voted into office. It's seized.
February 18, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Hello sweet Gerpa Children. Fret not: the United States of A-Gerpa-ca celebrates with you today, this Supreme #PresidentsDay. Remember that Supreme Presidential status is not earned, nor is it voted into office. It's seized.
Dear Algorithm,
Please send us real humans who are:
🛒 Customers
🌱 Into environmental signaling
🏢 Love corporate monopolies
🤔 Aren't too discerning when it comes to quality
🤑 Have lots of money
💰 Love profit
🌐 Online 24/7
🏈 Love America
⏳ Want to live forever
💪 Productivity experts
🧠 Are not smart
Please send us real humans who are:
🛒 Customers
🌱 Into environmental signaling
🏢 Love corporate monopolies
🤔 Aren't too discerning when it comes to quality
🤑 Have lots of money
💰 Love profit
🌐 Online 24/7
🏈 Love America
⏳ Want to live forever
💪 Productivity experts
🧠 Are not smart
February 18, 2025 at 12:34 AM
Dear Algorithm,
Please send us real humans who are:
🛒 Customers
🌱 Into environmental signaling
🏢 Love corporate monopolies
🤔 Aren't too discerning when it comes to quality
🤑 Have lots of money
💰 Love profit
🌐 Online 24/7
🏈 Love America
⏳ Want to live forever
💪 Productivity experts
🧠 Are not smart
Please send us real humans who are:
🛒 Customers
🌱 Into environmental signaling
🏢 Love corporate monopolies
🤔 Aren't too discerning when it comes to quality
🤑 Have lots of money
💰 Love profit
🌐 Online 24/7
🏈 Love America
⏳ Want to live forever
💪 Productivity experts
🧠 Are not smart
Keith please fix our Bluesky. I don't know how it works, let alone why it's blue. -E
February 18, 2025 at 12:31 AM
Keith please fix our Bluesky. I don't know how it works, let alone why it's blue. -E