📢 It's official! Gerpa Goods employees voted UNANIMOUSLY to discontinue their own healthcare! 🥳

This decision came as a direct response to people who are NOT current employees of Gerpa Goods STEALING employee benefits! Gross! 🤮

Thanks team for your very courageous sacrifice! 🙌🎉

🚨 Gerpa Goods is shutting down and it's ALL YOUR FAULT. #governmentshutdown #gerpagoodsshutdown

🔮 Scientists are LYING to you: leaves don’t fall on their own. They respond to PURCHASES. 🍂

At Gerpa Goods, every Autumnal item you buy strengthens the veil between this world and the pumpkin dimension. Skip a purchase, and risk eternal summer. ☀️ (Nobody wants that.)

Listen to this ad. It cannot lie to you.

Thank you for bringing attention to this terrible decline. Tesla is beautiful and we need to save them from extinction. Please contribute anything you can.

Elon we asked Arthur Ingles to draft a new Tesla prototype and we just need a quick green light because these honnies are ready for production xoxoxo

The Governor's Ball is NOT the place for Les Misérables! How many lives can a single song ruin during the hours of 9-5? Check out this WORK APPROPRIATE AND APPROVED version of "Do You Hear the People Sing?" It's a win-win for everyone involved! 🙌 #productivity

⚠️ GERPA ALERT ⚠️
Please email us how many bathroom breaks you took last week! Gerpa Goods can no longer be responsible for any non-work-related time that you clock! FAILURE TO RESPOND WILL RESULT IN YOUR IMMEDIATE TERMINATION.

🐷🐷🐷

Let the Gerpa flow through you ⬇️
www.gerpagoods.com

Did you know? By driving your employees to the brink of soul-scorching existential burnout, you're ACTUALLY providing them with an amazing opportunity: a chance at true happiness. #worktips #lifehack

Hello sweet Gerpa Children. Fret not: the United States of A-Gerpa-ca celebrates with you today, this Supreme #PresidentsDay. Remember that Supreme Presidential status is not earned, nor is it voted into office. It's seized.