Flups
@flups.bsky.social
56% certain I once saw Jeremy Paxman eating a sandwich at Warwick Castle.
Today I managed to get my ample bosoms and flappy bingo wings into a size 12 dress. SIZE 12! Six months ago, a size 18 was too tight, as of this morning I’m almost five stone lighter. I’d do a victory dance if I wasn’t so old and knackered.
November 8, 2025 at 7:29 PM
Today I managed to get my ample bosoms and flappy bingo wings into a size 12 dress. SIZE 12! Six months ago, a size 18 was too tight, as of this morning I’m almost five stone lighter. I’d do a victory dance if I wasn’t so old and knackered.
A book on how to say ‘horse museum’ in French if you’re from Birmingham.
November 4, 2025 at 7:18 PM
A book on how to say ‘horse museum’ in French if you’re from Birmingham.
🎶…and whiskers on kittens…🎶
October 31, 2025 at 7:01 PM
🎶…and whiskers on kittens…🎶
“…oh, my bad. I thought you said you wanted a pastry that looked like a ‘witch had shat’…”
October 30, 2025 at 9:40 PM
“…oh, my bad. I thought you said you wanted a pastry that looked like a ‘witch had shat’…”
This is Lord Milton of Keynes. He’s asked me to let you all know that he’s available for modelling work.
October 29, 2025 at 8:15 PM
This is Lord Milton of Keynes. He’s asked me to let you all know that he’s available for modelling work.
I highly recommend you watch it, it’s on YouTube. I have watched it roughly *two million times.
*slight exaggeration.
*slight exaggeration.
October 29, 2025 at 2:54 PM
I highly recommend you watch it, it’s on YouTube. I have watched it roughly *two million times.
*slight exaggeration.
*slight exaggeration.
Marketing meeting.
“…and you’re sure that you want this exact wording on the packaging?”
“100% certain. It is perfect and in no way could it be misinterpreted”
“You don’t want to perhaps change the name of the product?”
“Absolutely not! Everyone will love playing with our ‘Sticky Balls’
*sighs*
“…and you’re sure that you want this exact wording on the packaging?”
“100% certain. It is perfect and in no way could it be misinterpreted”
“You don’t want to perhaps change the name of the product?”
“Absolutely not! Everyone will love playing with our ‘Sticky Balls’
*sighs*
October 28, 2025 at 7:16 AM
Marketing meeting.
“…and you’re sure that you want this exact wording on the packaging?”
“100% certain. It is perfect and in no way could it be misinterpreted”
“You don’t want to perhaps change the name of the product?”
“Absolutely not! Everyone will love playing with our ‘Sticky Balls’
*sighs*
“…and you’re sure that you want this exact wording on the packaging?”
“100% certain. It is perfect and in no way could it be misinterpreted”
“You don’t want to perhaps change the name of the product?”
“Absolutely not! Everyone will love playing with our ‘Sticky Balls’
*sighs*
Bright Lights, Big Settee #ASongOrMovieForAllFurniture
October 20, 2025 at 8:51 AM
Bright Lights, Big Settee #ASongOrMovieForAllFurniture
My beautiful @kirstycustard.bsky.social and I have been to the beach today where we have collected sea glass, seen a seagull skeleton and eaten fish by the sea. Best day ever.
October 19, 2025 at 4:50 PM
My beautiful @kirstycustard.bsky.social and I have been to the beach today where we have collected sea glass, seen a seagull skeleton and eaten fish by the sea. Best day ever.
My beautiful @kirstycustard.bsky.social took me up the Edinburgh Castle earlier today (not a euphemism).
October 18, 2025 at 8:44 PM
My beautiful @kirstycustard.bsky.social took me up the Edinburgh Castle earlier today (not a euphemism).
I almost bought these as a gift but then realised I could give two fox.
*coughs*
*coughs*
October 18, 2025 at 4:59 PM
I almost bought these as a gift but then realised I could give two fox.
*coughs*
*coughs*
The beautiful @kirstycustard.bsky.social giving Hume a rub for luck.
October 18, 2025 at 1:57 PM
The beautiful @kirstycustard.bsky.social giving Hume a rub for luck.
We are in that Edinburgh and I am BESOTTED! I need to live here immediately.
October 18, 2025 at 1:24 PM
We are in that Edinburgh and I am BESOTTED! I need to live here immediately.
Both Middledaught and a lovely friend of mine went away last weekend, not together I hasten to add, and both bought me a souvenir. See if you can guess which one is from my delightful child.
October 16, 2025 at 12:03 PM
Both Middledaught and a lovely friend of mine went away last weekend, not together I hasten to add, and both bought me a souvenir. See if you can guess which one is from my delightful child.
Calling this a ‘space plush toy planet’ is a wasted opportunity. I’d have made all the individual planets, content in the knowledge that parents everywhere would be telling their children “Time to put Uranus away, it’s time for dinner”.
October 13, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Calling this a ‘space plush toy planet’ is a wasted opportunity. I’d have made all the individual planets, content in the knowledge that parents everywhere would be telling their children “Time to put Uranus away, it’s time for dinner”.
“This is not what I meant when I said you needed to pony up the dough”
October 8, 2025 at 8:41 AM
“This is not what I meant when I said you needed to pony up the dough”
This ghost’s ghoulies light up.
Video features extra special guest star: Middledaught’s hand.
Video features extra special guest star: Middledaught’s hand.
October 7, 2025 at 7:47 AM
This ghost’s ghoulies light up.
Video features extra special guest star: Middledaught’s hand.
Video features extra special guest star: Middledaught’s hand.
I’m fed up of shops constantly gaslighting consumers. These are WHITE BAGS, NOT GREEN!
Also, fruit and veg isn’t really reusable, IS IT?
Also, fruit and veg isn’t really reusable, IS IT?
October 5, 2025 at 8:22 AM
I’m fed up of shops constantly gaslighting consumers. These are WHITE BAGS, NOT GREEN!
Also, fruit and veg isn’t really reusable, IS IT?
Also, fruit and veg isn’t really reusable, IS IT?
A young Raquel from Only Fools and Horses and her mate who’d just caught a whiff of the silent eggy drifter she surreptitiously dropped.
September 30, 2025 at 6:39 AM
A young Raquel from Only Fools and Horses and her mate who’d just caught a whiff of the silent eggy drifter she surreptitiously dropped.
Middledaught and friends forced me to socialise on Friday and go to ‘Bongo’s Bingo’ with them. They had the best time. I, however, felt like their nan as it was too loud and went on way past my bedtime. Plus, I won bugger all although I was very glad not to have won the double-ended dildo.
September 28, 2025 at 1:08 PM
Middledaught and friends forced me to socialise on Friday and go to ‘Bongo’s Bingo’ with them. They had the best time. I, however, felt like their nan as it was too loud and went on way past my bedtime. Plus, I won bugger all although I was very glad not to have won the double-ended dildo.
Saw these boxes whilst at the orthodontist. I’m assuming they contain a sexaphone, tromboner, pink oboe and a couple of violarse.
September 22, 2025 at 6:52 PM
Saw these boxes whilst at the orthodontist. I’m assuming they contain a sexaphone, tromboner, pink oboe and a couple of violarse.