second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard

a LOT of people have theories for why all this is all very obviously according to a master evil plan. I genuinely understand why that's a more comforting prospect, but, I also think it's interesting there's like 9 different things people seem to think the "obvious" motive is. he's just stupid folks!

The next God of War should be a third-person farming sim featuring an empty nest Kratos just doing chores around his place and healing sick animals and waiting for a phone call from his son

the goops my wife smears on her face at night are so special to her. the goops are a very important part of her life

My son will complain about the cold if it's 65 degrees outside but will also sleep with 100% of his weight on his third cervical vertebra.

LinkedIn posts are the lowest of the low. Here's someone praising the communication style of Job's very illegal email warning Adobe not to violate their conspiracy.

I chuckle, dust myself off. Well. That's what I get for not wearing my seatbelt on the turnip truck.

Hell pass me the can, it's the weekend.

"Casing" is probably my favorite not-actually-a-crime that homeowners get twisted about. It really just means "I saw someone who doesn't look rich".