The Eternal Test
@eternaltest.bsky.social
Treating my life like a Cricinfo text commentary feed.
Trying to survive 'till lunch.
X @tommygarb @the_EternalTest
Trying to survive 'till lunch.
X @tommygarb @the_EternalTest
1.6 Hazlewood to Duckett, no run. Solid defense to end the over. A steady start. Is BazBall done after just 2 overs? We shall see!
I'll also dig out a photo of my dog for the drinks break. They are good for the soul.🐶
End of Over 2: England 4-0 (Crawley 1, Duckett 3). Hazlewood 1-0-4-0.
I'll also dig out a photo of my dog for the drinks break. They are good for the soul.🐶
End of Over 2: England 4-0 (Crawley 1, Duckett 3). Hazlewood 1-0-4-0.
January 22, 2026 at 11:00 AM
1.6 Hazlewood to Duckett, no run. Solid defense to end the over. A steady start. Is BazBall done after just 2 overs? We shall see!
I'll also dig out a photo of my dog for the drinks break. They are good for the soul.🐶
End of Over 2: England 4-0 (Crawley 1, Duckett 3). Hazlewood 1-0-4-0.
I'll also dig out a photo of my dog for the drinks break. They are good for the soul.🐶
End of Over 2: England 4-0 (Crawley 1, Duckett 3). Hazlewood 1-0-4-0.
1.5 Hazlewood to Duckett, no run. Beaten outside off stump. Beauty.
Definitely in the covers I’d say. Some trouble getting the ball out of their mouth though. Probably run 12.
Derek from Northants asks;
‘what kind of dog would Gary Pratt be?’
Derek. We will revisit this.
Definitely in the covers I’d say. Some trouble getting the ball out of their mouth though. Probably run 12.
Derek from Northants asks;
‘what kind of dog would Gary Pratt be?’
Derek. We will revisit this.
January 22, 2026 at 11:00 AM
1.5 Hazlewood to Duckett, no run. Beaten outside off stump. Beauty.
Definitely in the covers I’d say. Some trouble getting the ball out of their mouth though. Probably run 12.
Derek from Northants asks;
‘what kind of dog would Gary Pratt be?’
Derek. We will revisit this.
Definitely in the covers I’d say. Some trouble getting the ball out of their mouth though. Probably run 12.
Derek from Northants asks;
‘what kind of dog would Gary Pratt be?’
Derek. We will revisit this.
1.4 Hazlewood to Crawley, 1 run. Played with soft hands. As soft as the fur on the back of a St Bernard. He kills the pace of the ball and drops it dead. They steal a quick single.
Imagine if each team was allowed one dog in their team. Like a twelfth man. Like the hero Gary Pratt. What position?
Imagine if each team was allowed one dog in their team. Like a twelfth man. Like the hero Gary Pratt. What position?
January 22, 2026 at 11:00 AM
1.4 Hazlewood to Crawley, 1 run. Played with soft hands. As soft as the fur on the back of a St Bernard. He kills the pace of the ball and drops it dead. They steal a quick single.
Imagine if each team was allowed one dog in their team. Like a twelfth man. Like the hero Gary Pratt. What position?
Imagine if each team was allowed one dog in their team. Like a twelfth man. Like the hero Gary Pratt. What position?
1.3 Hazlewood to Duckett, 1 run. Cheeky. Drops the ball at his feet and scampers through for a single while Hazlewood isn't looking. Good rotation of strike. My dog wouldn’t have let that one through. Bloody love dogs. Want an Alsatian or one of them Belgian Malinois next. Big man dogs. Grrr.
January 22, 2026 at 11:00 AM
1.3 Hazlewood to Duckett, 1 run. Cheeky. Drops the ball at his feet and scampers through for a single while Hazlewood isn't looking. Good rotation of strike. My dog wouldn’t have let that one through. Bloody love dogs. Want an Alsatian or one of them Belgian Malinois next. Big man dogs. Grrr.
1.2 Hazlewood to Duckett, 2 runs. Clipped off the pads through square leg. Good running to get the first runs on the board.
A Springador, in case you were wondering. Female. Mental. Hell of a fielder, though.
A Springador, in case you were wondering. Female. Mental. Hell of a fielder, though.
January 22, 2026 at 11:00 AM
1.2 Hazlewood to Duckett, 2 runs. Clipped off the pads through square leg. Good running to get the first runs on the board.
A Springador, in case you were wondering. Female. Mental. Hell of a fielder, though.
A Springador, in case you were wondering. Female. Mental. Hell of a fielder, though.
0.6 MAIDEN OVER. Last delivery, down leg side, scrambled up by Carey. Survived. Starc puts on three jumpers. Syd and Eddie have a chat in the middle. Bethel looks postively pissed off. I'm off to give Steve a hug.
ENG 0-0 (1 over)
ENG 0-0 (1 over)
January 21, 2026 at 12:45 PM
0.6 MAIDEN OVER. Last delivery, down leg side, scrambled up by Carey. Survived. Starc puts on three jumpers. Syd and Eddie have a chat in the middle. Bethel looks postively pissed off. I'm off to give Steve a hug.
ENG 0-0 (1 over)
ENG 0-0 (1 over)
0.5 HITS IT! Solid push forward from Crawley, the kind of shot he loves, but straight to Cummins at mid off. Suggestions are flying in, seemingly from Hello magazine in 2019.
Tom Cruise / Nicole Kidman
Shakira / Gerard Pique
Will Smith / Jada Pinkett Smith
Kevin Hart, probably
Tom Cruise / Nicole Kidman
Shakira / Gerard Pique
Will Smith / Jada Pinkett Smith
Kevin Hart, probably
January 21, 2026 at 12:45 PM
0.5 HITS IT! Solid push forward from Crawley, the kind of shot he loves, but straight to Cummins at mid off. Suggestions are flying in, seemingly from Hello magazine in 2019.
Tom Cruise / Nicole Kidman
Shakira / Gerard Pique
Will Smith / Jada Pinkett Smith
Kevin Hart, probably
Tom Cruise / Nicole Kidman
Shakira / Gerard Pique
Will Smith / Jada Pinkett Smith
Kevin Hart, probably
0.4 Absolute Starc wanger that fizzes through. Completely uneccessary extravagent leave from Crawley, but I love it. Holds the pose as well, arms raised, bat aloft, like some pale faced matador. The 'pose hold' should be mandatory for all leaves, edges and middle stump uproots.
January 21, 2026 at 12:45 PM
0.4 Absolute Starc wanger that fizzes through. Completely uneccessary extravagent leave from Crawley, but I love it. Holds the pose as well, arms raised, bat aloft, like some pale faced matador. The 'pose hold' should be mandatory for all leaves, edges and middle stump uproots.
0.3. Another leave from the big man.
Tarquin from Ampleforth College has telegraphed in;
'When one witnesses the England opening pair stood next to each other, one is reminded of ones Nannie reading 'Jack and The Beanstalk' to one as child.'
Startling image.
Tarquin from Ampleforth College has telegraphed in;
'When one witnesses the England opening pair stood next to each other, one is reminded of ones Nannie reading 'Jack and The Beanstalk' to one as child.'
Startling image.
January 21, 2026 at 12:45 PM
0.3. Another leave from the big man.
Tarquin from Ampleforth College has telegraphed in;
'When one witnesses the England opening pair stood next to each other, one is reminded of ones Nannie reading 'Jack and The Beanstalk' to one as child.'
Startling image.
Tarquin from Ampleforth College has telegraphed in;
'When one witnesses the England opening pair stood next to each other, one is reminded of ones Nannie reading 'Jack and The Beanstalk' to one as child.'
Startling image.
0.2 Tempting wide one from Starc, Crawley leaves.
January 21, 2026 at 12:45 PM
0.2 Tempting wide one from Starc, Crawley leaves.
Quick word on the pitch from our man Steve.
'Fairly good, a bit flat, sure to liven up in the coming weeks. Heavy roller after Christmas. Cracks likely to form depending on external factors such as work, teenagers, money, hair loss...'
Some personal issues there, Steve...
'Fairly good, a bit flat, sure to liven up in the coming weeks. Heavy roller after Christmas. Cracks likely to form depending on external factors such as work, teenagers, money, hair loss...'
Some personal issues there, Steve...
January 21, 2026 at 12:45 PM
Quick word on the pitch from our man Steve.
'Fairly good, a bit flat, sure to liven up in the coming weeks. Heavy roller after Christmas. Cracks likely to form depending on external factors such as work, teenagers, money, hair loss...'
Some personal issues there, Steve...
'Fairly good, a bit flat, sure to liven up in the coming weeks. Heavy roller after Christmas. Cracks likely to form depending on external factors such as work, teenagers, money, hair loss...'
Some personal issues there, Steve...
0.1.1 IT'S NOT GOING TO BE OK! Starc, remembering to release the ball this time, sends it down. A beauty, top of off. One to leave well alone. Creepy though has a massive waft. You just knew it.
Bethell picks up his pads. Crawley grins. Duckett grins back. Dudes.
Bethell picks up his pads. Crawley grins. Duckett grins back. Dudes.
January 21, 2026 at 12:45 PM
0.1.1 IT'S NOT GOING TO BE OK! Starc, remembering to release the ball this time, sends it down. A beauty, top of off. One to leave well alone. Creepy though has a massive waft. You just knew it.
Bethell picks up his pads. Crawley grins. Duckett grins back. Dudes.
Bethell picks up his pads. Crawley grins. Duckett grins back. Dudes.
0.1 CRAWLEY SURVIVES! Starc, hyped up, forgot to let go of the ball. An overjoyed crowd break out into a rendition of Joe Cocker's 'You Are So Beautiful, Rob Key', written by Joe Cocker. Bethell in an outrageous display of defiance, takes his pads off. It's going to be OK.
January 21, 2026 at 12:45 PM
0.1 CRAWLEY SURVIVES! Starc, hyped up, forgot to let go of the ball. An overjoyed crowd break out into a rendition of Joe Cocker's 'You Are So Beautiful, Rob Key', written by Joe Cocker. Bethell in an outrageous display of defiance, takes his pads off. It's going to be OK.
Noah from Mount Maunganui has emailed in to say it's pronounced 'Frit' in New Zealand.
Of course it is.
Right, see you tomorrow for a final pitch report and the first over.
Of course it is.
Right, see you tomorrow for a final pitch report and the first over.
January 21, 2026 at 12:35 PM
Noah from Mount Maunganui has emailed in to say it's pronounced 'Frit' in New Zealand.
Of course it is.
Right, see you tomorrow for a final pitch report and the first over.
Of course it is.
Right, see you tomorrow for a final pitch report and the first over.
...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AS IF! ASIF DIN! ASIF ALI! MOHAMMED...ASIF! That, of course, won't happen with these 'Bloody BazBall Bastards' as they are known here in the Land of Boycott. But we'll have fun
All hail King Geoffrey and President (Fred) Trueman.
God bless you Dickie Bird ❤️
All hail King Geoffrey and President (Fred) Trueman.
God bless you Dickie Bird ❤️
January 21, 2026 at 12:35 PM
...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AS IF! ASIF DIN! ASIF ALI! MOHAMMED...ASIF! That, of course, won't happen with these 'Bloody BazBall Bastards' as they are known here in the Land of Boycott. But we'll have fun
All hail King Geoffrey and President (Fred) Trueman.
God bless you Dickie Bird ❤️
All hail King Geoffrey and President (Fred) Trueman.
God bless you Dickie Bird ❤️
Unsurprisingly, my wife's favourite cricketer decides to bowl first, with these unseasonal 'frettish' conditions no doubt conducive to some outrageous swing bowling. England's openers are going to be ultra cautious, watch the ball carefully and leave well....
January 21, 2026 at 12:35 PM
Unsurprisingly, my wife's favourite cricketer decides to bowl first, with these unseasonal 'frettish' conditions no doubt conducive to some outrageous swing bowling. England's openers are going to be ultra cautious, watch the ball carefully and leave well....
Anyway, we've gone off course. The Ginger Prince flips the coin and Matinee Idol Pat calls 'heads, mate'. Heads it is. Which doesn't matter anyway, as judging by the past couple months, Ben always calls tails against Australia and loses. The match, not the toss.
January 21, 2026 at 12:35 PM
Anyway, we've gone off course. The Ginger Prince flips the coin and Matinee Idol Pat calls 'heads, mate'. Heads it is. Which doesn't matter anyway, as judging by the past couple months, Ben always calls tails against Australia and loses. The match, not the toss.
Dave from Cockfosters texts in - 'I wonder how you pronounce 'haar' in Scotland? 🍆' . Pretty sure you got the wrong emoji there Dave, but solid question. What do we think? I reckon it's pronounced 'haar' in Fife, but more like 'haar' round Aberdeen way.
January 21, 2026 at 12:35 PM
Dave from Cockfosters texts in - 'I wonder how you pronounce 'haar' in Scotland? 🍆' . Pretty sure you got the wrong emoji there Dave, but solid question. What do we think? I reckon it's pronounced 'haar' in Fife, but more like 'haar' round Aberdeen way.
Ah, sorry, you meant Scarborough? Well, why not? It's my X account and the town needs the vast audience I will bring in.
Daft time to be having a test isn't it? January? In the north? Near the sea? You'd be correct. But I see OPPORTUNITY - more rain delays = MORE WITTY CONTENT.
Daft time to be having a test isn't it? January? In the north? Near the sea? You'd be correct. But I see OPPORTUNITY - more rain delays = MORE WITTY CONTENT.
January 21, 2026 at 12:35 PM
Ah, sorry, you meant Scarborough? Well, why not? It's my X account and the town needs the vast audience I will bring in.
Daft time to be having a test isn't it? January? In the north? Near the sea? You'd be correct. But I see OPPORTUNITY - more rain delays = MORE WITTY CONTENT.
Daft time to be having a test isn't it? January? In the north? Near the sea? You'd be correct. But I see OPPORTUNITY - more rain delays = MORE WITTY CONTENT.
Sea fret, also known as haar in parts of Scotland, is a meteorological phenomenon characterized by a dense fog that forms over the sea and drifts onto coastal areas. Typically occurs when warm, moist air moves over colder waters, causing moisture in the air to condense into fog.
January 21, 2026 at 12:35 PM
Sea fret, also known as haar in parts of Scotland, is a meteorological phenomenon characterized by a dense fog that forms over the sea and drifts onto coastal areas. Typically occurs when warm, moist air moves over colder waters, causing moisture in the air to condense into fog.
Right, see you tomorrow for the toss.
January 21, 2026 at 12:31 PM
Right, see you tomorrow for the toss.