Emily Engelhardt
@etengelhardt.bsky.social
Physical Therapist, mom to two boys, former roller derby athlete, allergic to fun
When they pick up our recycling this week the neighbors are going to think we had a rager because of all the empty cans…I guess you can call “dumping expired cans out from the basement fridge” a snowy evening rager.
December 14, 2025 at 12:58 AM
When they pick up our recycling this week the neighbors are going to think we had a rager because of all the empty cans…I guess you can call “dumping expired cans out from the basement fridge” a snowy evening rager.
It is snowing outside. Things that need to happen outside of my house have happened. This is my plan for the rest of the day.
December 13, 2025 at 8:04 PM
It is snowing outside. Things that need to happen outside of my house have happened. This is my plan for the rest of the day.
I don’t care if you’re putting up a nativity scene or advent wreath, you people are still putting up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving and that is too early.
November 22, 2025 at 7:47 PM
I don’t care if you’re putting up a nativity scene or advent wreath, you people are still putting up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving and that is too early.
Having the sort of week where I’m going to start masking not because I’m worried about viral spread but because I’m worried about the spread of my inside thoughts to the facial expression on the lower half of my face.
November 5, 2025 at 9:58 PM
Having the sort of week where I’m going to start masking not because I’m worried about viral spread but because I’m worried about the spread of my inside thoughts to the facial expression on the lower half of my face.
Me: you cannot eat M&Ms and practice piano at the same time, Wally
Also me: completing documentation while supervising religious education homework/piano practicing and sending my husband Reels on IG.
Do as I say, not as I do.
Also me: completing documentation while supervising religious education homework/piano practicing and sending my husband Reels on IG.
Do as I say, not as I do.
November 4, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Me: you cannot eat M&Ms and practice piano at the same time, Wally
Also me: completing documentation while supervising religious education homework/piano practicing and sending my husband Reels on IG.
Do as I say, not as I do.
Also me: completing documentation while supervising religious education homework/piano practicing and sending my husband Reels on IG.
Do as I say, not as I do.
Matt is watching A Man on the Inside and me, the person who works in geriatrics, has thoughts:
THIS IS GOOD BUT WHERE ARE THE ROLLATORS
THIS IS GOOD BUT WHERE ARE THE ROLLATORS
October 23, 2025 at 1:22 AM
Matt is watching A Man on the Inside and me, the person who works in geriatrics, has thoughts:
THIS IS GOOD BUT WHERE ARE THE ROLLATORS
THIS IS GOOD BUT WHERE ARE THE ROLLATORS
School makes this mistake with me once every 4 years, if there are not bones protruding through skin I will let whoever calls me know in no uncertain terms to call the other parent next time
"Hello, this is your kid’s school calling. So, your kid said her daddy dropped her off today. I could still see him if I stepped outside, but I know it’s much more convenient for you to take this call."
This Is Your Kid’s School and Even Though the Emergency Contact Form Lists Your Husband, We Need You, the Mom
Hello, this is your kid’s school calling. So, your kid said her daddy dropped her off today. I could still see him if I stepped outside, but I know...
buff.ly
October 18, 2025 at 1:58 AM
School makes this mistake with me once every 4 years, if there are not bones protruding through skin I will let whoever calls me know in no uncertain terms to call the other parent next time
Movie I am writing: Christine Baranksi is a tough as nails straight woman and Hugh Jackman is Wolverine but they periodically break into song and dance and then resume the main storyline as though nothing has happened
October 17, 2025 at 11:16 PM
Movie I am writing: Christine Baranksi is a tough as nails straight woman and Hugh Jackman is Wolverine but they periodically break into song and dance and then resume the main storyline as though nothing has happened
Tried to explain to the dog there is a middle ground between his current “passed out on the floor” and the “Florida man on meth” energy he has had since I got home from work. He is not interested in middle grounds.
October 4, 2025 at 2:01 AM
Tried to explain to the dog there is a middle ground between his current “passed out on the floor” and the “Florida man on meth” energy he has had since I got home from work. He is not interested in middle grounds.
Sometimes when I find my job tiring I remember that there’s a lot of jobs I could get where I’d have to have a Social Media Presence other than just grousing periodically on Bluesky and I decide my current job is actually great.
October 1, 2025 at 12:31 AM
Sometimes when I find my job tiring I remember that there’s a lot of jobs I could get where I’d have to have a Social Media Presence other than just grousing periodically on Bluesky and I decide my current job is actually great.
“Skin color hasn’t mattered since like, 2000”—my 9 year old, who I apparently need to do a little more discussion about race with.
September 5, 2025 at 12:01 AM
“Skin color hasn’t mattered since like, 2000”—my 9 year old, who I apparently need to do a little more discussion about race with.
I have had control of the remote for two nights in a row
Last night: where can I watch all of the Ina Garten?
Me: I could go for a cult documentary. Oooh, let’s watch this documentary about the conservatorship of Bam Margera!
Matt is never letting me control the television ever again.
Last night: where can I watch all of the Ina Garten?
Me: I could go for a cult documentary. Oooh, let’s watch this documentary about the conservatorship of Bam Margera!
Matt is never letting me control the television ever again.
August 28, 2025 at 2:13 AM
I have had control of the remote for two nights in a row
Last night: where can I watch all of the Ina Garten?
Me: I could go for a cult documentary. Oooh, let’s watch this documentary about the conservatorship of Bam Margera!
Matt is never letting me control the television ever again.
Last night: where can I watch all of the Ina Garten?
Me: I could go for a cult documentary. Oooh, let’s watch this documentary about the conservatorship of Bam Margera!
Matt is never letting me control the television ever again.
Me, watching Wizard of Oz: the scarecrow needs slutty little glasses
August 1, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Me, watching Wizard of Oz: the scarecrow needs slutty little glasses
I just called the EZ Pass “Turnpike Beep Boop” in case anyone wants to know how much brain power I currently have available for use.
July 24, 2025 at 1:55 AM
I just called the EZ Pass “Turnpike Beep Boop” in case anyone wants to know how much brain power I currently have available for use.
Did I decide to go to my 20 year high school reunion? Yes. Are my husband and my lives somehow weirdly intertwined that me combing the RSVP list caused him to pull out his yearbook? Also yes.
June 23, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Did I decide to go to my 20 year high school reunion? Yes. Are my husband and my lives somehow weirdly intertwined that me combing the RSVP list caused him to pull out his yearbook? Also yes.
How many Magic Bands does St. Anthony get asked to find in Disney World on a daily basis and how many does he actually recover.
Asking for a friend.
Asking for a friend.
June 10, 2025 at 9:16 PM
How many Magic Bands does St. Anthony get asked to find in Disney World on a daily basis and how many does he actually recover.
Asking for a friend.
Asking for a friend.
Matt: But why are they all doing so much ketamine?!
Me: because if you couldn’t drink coffee you would do A LOT of ketamine, too, probably
—Matt and I watching Secret Lives of Mormon Wives
Me: because if you couldn’t drink coffee you would do A LOT of ketamine, too, probably
—Matt and I watching Secret Lives of Mormon Wives
May 25, 2025 at 1:34 AM
Matt: But why are they all doing so much ketamine?!
Me: because if you couldn’t drink coffee you would do A LOT of ketamine, too, probably
—Matt and I watching Secret Lives of Mormon Wives
Me: because if you couldn’t drink coffee you would do A LOT of ketamine, too, probably
—Matt and I watching Secret Lives of Mormon Wives
Girls night in means the cat and I are watching our emotional support Pride and Prejudice (1995 BBC miniseries with Colin Firth)
May 8, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Girls night in means the cat and I are watching our emotional support Pride and Prejudice (1995 BBC miniseries with Colin Firth)
It’s someone’s job to make sure the cardinals in conclave get their Little Afternoon Treat and I want to hear the stories that person has to tell once we have a new pope.
May 7, 2025 at 11:20 PM
It’s someone’s job to make sure the cardinals in conclave get their Little Afternoon Treat and I want to hear the stories that person has to tell once we have a new pope.
The power has been out for 4+ hours and I expect it will be out all night but what is annoying me is my neighbor with the generator that makes me think I’m living next to an idling jet engine.
April 30, 2025 at 1:20 AM
The power has been out for 4+ hours and I expect it will be out all night but what is annoying me is my neighbor with the generator that makes me think I’m living next to an idling jet engine.
I picked The Blues Brothers for movie night and despite the promise of Swears my children immediately got bored and wandered out of the room, killing my hope of making them dress up as Jake and Elwood Blues for Halloween
a group of men in suits are dancing on stage
ALT: a group of men in suits are dancing on stage
media.tenor.com
April 25, 2025 at 10:49 PM
I picked The Blues Brothers for movie night and despite the promise of Swears my children immediately got bored and wandered out of the room, killing my hope of making them dress up as Jake and Elwood Blues for Halloween
But will they sing On Eagles Wings at the pope’s funeral?
April 25, 2025 at 2:25 AM
But will they sing On Eagles Wings at the pope’s funeral?
I hope all of the bank patrons this morning enjoyed listening to me argue with Wally about the existence of Disney jail.
March 31, 2025 at 2:24 PM
I hope all of the bank patrons this morning enjoyed listening to me argue with Wally about the existence of Disney jail.
I’m here to brag that my older sister is a contestant on Jeopardy tonight, also the returning champion graduated from the same high school as us a year ahead of me? This is the most contestants I ever have or ever will know on a single episode of Jeopardy.
March 13, 2025 at 9:28 PM
I’m here to brag that my older sister is a contestant on Jeopardy tonight, also the returning champion graduated from the same high school as us a year ahead of me? This is the most contestants I ever have or ever will know on a single episode of Jeopardy.
We just showed Wally the Cowbell sketch from SNL and he did not find it funny at all, what is the return policy on 8 year olds?
a man in a leather jacket is holding a glass and says " and the only prescription "
ALT: a man in a leather jacket is holding a glass and says " and the only prescription "
media.tenor.com
March 2, 2025 at 1:13 AM
We just showed Wally the Cowbell sketch from SNL and he did not find it funny at all, what is the return policy on 8 year olds?