Elliott Coates
@elliottcoates.bsky.social
Writer, photographer, hockey enjoyer, traveler (+ fear of flying!); fan of birds, esoteric books, Dada, Toronto sports. Canadian expat in VA. ‘21 SAIC Writing Fellow. “Day 3 of a 5 Day Headache” (2nd ed.) is available: tinyurl.com/day-3-of-a-5-day-headache
Pinned
Elliott Coates
@elliottcoates.bsky.social
· Jul 29
his great genius is declared in his doing nothing particular to prove it
New author bio just dropped.
Sorry, British people, saying “dual carriageway” when you can just say “freeway” is wild and insane.
November 25, 2025 at 8:15 PM
Sorry, British people, saying “dual carriageway” when you can just say “freeway” is wild and insane.
Imagine being 44 and this good-looking. 🥰🥰🥰
Look on my looks, ye mighty, and despair.
But look not on my stupid lizard tattoo, ye mighty, and despair.
#selfie
Look on my looks, ye mighty, and despair.
But look not on my stupid lizard tattoo, ye mighty, and despair.
#selfie
In other news, I am now 44 years old. I deserve a birthday morning beer in bed.
November 25, 2025 at 4:09 PM
Imagine being 44 and this good-looking. 🥰🥰🥰
Look on my looks, ye mighty, and despair.
But look not on my stupid lizard tattoo, ye mighty, and despair.
#selfie
Look on my looks, ye mighty, and despair.
But look not on my stupid lizard tattoo, ye mighty, and despair.
#selfie
WERE-ANIMALS BESIDES THE WEREWOLF THAT SHOULD EXIST:
(1) Weresquid
(2) Weretortoise
(3) Werepossum
(4) Weregibbon
(5) Werebeetle
(6) Werehyrax
(7) Werebluefootedbooby
(1) Weresquid
(2) Weretortoise
(3) Werepossum
(4) Weregibbon
(5) Werebeetle
(6) Werehyrax
(7) Werebluefootedbooby
November 25, 2025 at 2:15 PM
WERE-ANIMALS BESIDES THE WEREWOLF THAT SHOULD EXIST:
(1) Weresquid
(2) Weretortoise
(3) Werepossum
(4) Weregibbon
(5) Werebeetle
(6) Werehyrax
(7) Werebluefootedbooby
(1) Weresquid
(2) Weretortoise
(3) Werepossum
(4) Weregibbon
(5) Werebeetle
(6) Werehyrax
(7) Werebluefootedbooby
My brother looks like he should be the host of a children’s public access TV science show, right? Based on his flowing silvery hair and Muppet shirt, you can tell that when it came time to age gracefully, he has taken a different path. What a Certified Sweetie ™️.
November 25, 2025 at 12:03 AM
My brother looks like he should be the host of a children’s public access TV science show, right? Based on his flowing silvery hair and Muppet shirt, you can tell that when it came time to age gracefully, he has taken a different path. What a Certified Sweetie ™️.
Lol, Walt…wut?
O for pity’s sake, no one must see me now! .... my clothes were stolen while I was abed,
November 23, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Lol, Walt…wut?
Reposted by Elliott Coates
Majoring yn Englisshe ys prettye goddamn Punke Rocke
November 21, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Majoring yn Englisshe ys prettye goddamn Punke Rocke
Reposted by Elliott Coates
The officer was "heading for duty" Wednesday night when his "weapon discharged and he accidentally shot himself in the testicles" in the station's parking lot, records show.
Off-duty Chicago cop accidentally shoots himself in groin outside police station in Gresham
chicago.suntimes.com
November 21, 2025 at 2:46 AM
The officer was "heading for duty" Wednesday night when his "weapon discharged and he accidentally shot himself in the testicles" in the station's parking lot, records show.
Reposted by Elliott Coates
#onthisday in 1820, the Essex whaling ship was sunk by a sperm whale 2,000 miles from land. The story inspired Melville; Nathaniel Philbrick's prize winning non-fiction account, In the Heart of the Sea, was adapted by Ron Howard 10 years ago. Below, a news account.
#booksky #writers #moviesky
#booksky #writers #moviesky
November 20, 2025 at 12:39 PM
#onthisday in 1820, the Essex whaling ship was sunk by a sperm whale 2,000 miles from land. The story inspired Melville; Nathaniel Philbrick's prize winning non-fiction account, In the Heart of the Sea, was adapted by Ron Howard 10 years ago. Below, a news account.
#booksky #writers #moviesky
#booksky #writers #moviesky
Whatever good or terrible thing that is coming is one day closer today. Keep a good heart.
November 20, 2025 at 3:17 PM
Whatever good or terrible thing that is coming is one day closer today. Keep a good heart.
Reposted by Elliott Coates
It's not a foolproof plan but every political debate from now on should be a Normal Guy competition. Ask them to describe grocery shopping in detail. Talk about what it's like to have a friend
November 19, 2025 at 2:13 AM
It's not a foolproof plan but every political debate from now on should be a Normal Guy competition. Ask them to describe grocery shopping in detail. Talk about what it's like to have a friend
CAN’T A MAN JUST WATCH THE HOCKEY GAME IN A BUBBLEBATH? Quit judging me. Go Leafs, go! #LeafsForever
a chimpanzee is taking a bath in a bathtub full of bubbles .
ALT: a chimpanzee is taking a bath in a bathtub full of bubbles .
media.tenor.com
November 19, 2025 at 12:22 AM
CAN’T A MAN JUST WATCH THE HOCKEY GAME IN A BUBBLEBATH? Quit judging me. Go Leafs, go! #LeafsForever
We've qualified for the world cup.
Can hardly believe it.
🏴🏴🏴🏴
No voice left!
Can hardly believe it.
🏴🏴🏴🏴
No voice left!
November 19, 2025 at 12:11 AM
Callooh callay! My book, “& Please”, a collection of epistolary persona poems about Augustus Dickens, Charles Dickens’ youngest sibling, a subject heretofore unplumbed, is coming out in 2026 from @altcurrent.bsky.social. If you have a sibling, the worse the better, it’ll tickle ya. #writingcommunity
November 17, 2025 at 7:13 PM
Callooh callay! My book, “& Please”, a collection of epistolary persona poems about Augustus Dickens, Charles Dickens’ youngest sibling, a subject heretofore unplumbed, is coming out in 2026 from @altcurrent.bsky.social. If you have a sibling, the worse the better, it’ll tickle ya. #writingcommunity
I saw where somebody said, “Haydn’s ‘surprise symphony’ is one of the top ten symphonies in G-major, imho,” and even I think that’s pretentious. Correct, but pretentious.
November 17, 2025 at 5:12 PM
I saw where somebody said, “Haydn’s ‘surprise symphony’ is one of the top ten symphonies in G-major, imho,” and even I think that’s pretentious. Correct, but pretentious.
Reposted by Elliott Coates
The vegetables and minerals are all perfect .. and the imponderable fluids are perfect;
November 17, 2025 at 2:49 PM
The vegetables and minerals are all perfect .. and the imponderable fluids are perfect;
Reposted by Elliott Coates
That is pure evil.
November 17, 2025 at 3:41 PM
That is pure evil.
Reposted by Elliott Coates
Yourself! Yourself! Yourself forever and ever!
November 13, 2025 at 10:49 AM
Yourself! Yourself! Yourself forever and ever!
Buy my book. tinyurl.com/day-3-of-a-5-day-headache
November 13, 2025 at 2:10 AM
Buy my book. tinyurl.com/day-3-of-a-5-day-headache
Nothing changes or will change anything. Stop getting your hopes up.
November 12, 2025 at 6:48 PM
Nothing changes or will change anything. Stop getting your hopes up.
Reposted by Elliott Coates
spoke with the executive director of my local food bank today and got this really incredible line: "if you donate 1 can of green beans, we can give away 1 can of green beans. but if you donate a dollar, we can give away 6 cans of green beans"
November 10, 2025 at 7:32 PM
spoke with the executive director of my local food bank today and got this really incredible line: "if you donate 1 can of green beans, we can give away 1 can of green beans. but if you donate a dollar, we can give away 6 cans of green beans"
HEY DOVE MEN’S +CARE: YOUR BODY WASH BOTTLES ARE TOO DIFFICULT TO OPEN IN THE SHOWER. FIX IT.
November 11, 2025 at 6:22 PM
HEY DOVE MEN’S +CARE: YOUR BODY WASH BOTTLES ARE TOO DIFFICULT TO OPEN IN THE SHOWER. FIX IT.
Reposted by Elliott Coates
The difference in time between now and I can has cheezburger
Is the same between I can has Cheezburger and the Berlin Wall falling
Is the same between I can has Cheezburger and the Berlin Wall falling
November 10, 2025 at 5:46 PM
The difference in time between now and I can has cheezburger
Is the same between I can has Cheezburger and the Berlin Wall falling
Is the same between I can has Cheezburger and the Berlin Wall falling
Reposted by Elliott Coates
honestly even if you're reading performatively (???) keep doing it lol, buy books, take pictures of yourself reading books, let the reading make your brain better
November 10, 2025 at 4:20 PM
honestly even if you're reading performatively (???) keep doing it lol, buy books, take pictures of yourself reading books, let the reading make your brain better