Doc Hap
@drhappyknuckles.bsky.social
Your relatively cool non-threatening dorky internet dad. I have no agenda. A tangled pulsating mass of neurosis and privilege. I’m sick of these bozos at city hall.
Pinned
Doc Hap
@drhappyknuckles.bsky.social
· Jan 28
STORY TIME! Things are pretty grim these days, so allow me to regale you with the heartwarming tale of the time I ‘subbed in’ for a lesbian at my senior prom. I’m doing this while cooking dinner and getting my kids to sleep, so apologies in advance if it takes awhile. (1/?)
There is a reason I don’t want anybody to see my search history and it’s not porn.
November 7, 2025 at 9:31 PM
There is a reason I don’t want anybody to see my search history and it’s not porn.
Please come back at another time I am currently emotionally
October 31, 2025 at 11:34 PM
Please come back at another time I am currently emotionally
I’ll nominate Donald Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize myself if he shuts up and lets me think for five fucking minutes.
October 9, 2025 at 11:11 PM
I’ll nominate Donald Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize myself if he shuts up and lets me think for five fucking minutes.
Reposted by Doc Hap
Murder! at the Vicarage
October 9, 2025 at 11:08 PM
Murder! at the Vicarage
Hear me out guys: Tai Chi orgy.
October 9, 2025 at 1:01 AM
Hear me out guys: Tai Chi orgy.
I’m afraid that I have made the difficult choice to begin charging you motherfuckers rent for living in my head.
October 8, 2025 at 11:39 PM
I’m afraid that I have made the difficult choice to begin charging you motherfuckers rent for living in my head.
Thinking of starting an OnlyFans for people who get off on middle-aged men eating entire pizzas and crying.
October 4, 2025 at 8:47 AM
Thinking of starting an OnlyFans for people who get off on middle-aged men eating entire pizzas and crying.
Exciting news guys, I just found a tiny little quadrant of my psyche that has no emotional wounds.
October 4, 2025 at 8:25 AM
Exciting news guys, I just found a tiny little quadrant of my psyche that has no emotional wounds.
Had sex today. Pleasantly surprised. Should’ve given this a try when I was younger.
October 2, 2025 at 5:28 AM
Had sex today. Pleasantly surprised. Should’ve given this a try when I was younger.
Always thought I’d eventually, reluctantly have to give up on Bill Burr. Never in a million years thought it would involve Saudi blood money.
October 2, 2025 at 5:27 AM
Always thought I’d eventually, reluctantly have to give up on Bill Burr. Never in a million years thought it would involve Saudi blood money.
Unfinished analogies are like screwdrivers
September 27, 2025 at 11:39 AM
Unfinished analogies are like screwdrivers
*slides into your dms* I have an eyebrow fetish.
September 27, 2025 at 11:31 AM
*slides into your dms* I have an eyebrow fetish.
CFO OF A LASER COMPANY (speaking on an earnings call): In summary, we’re ’laser-focused’ on maximizing investor returns this quarter! Ha-ha, see what I did there? Seriously, though, this new government contract to build a weapon that shoots immigrants from space is fantastic news.
September 27, 2025 at 9:21 AM
CFO OF A LASER COMPANY (speaking on an earnings call): In summary, we’re ’laser-focused’ on maximizing investor returns this quarter! Ha-ha, see what I did there? Seriously, though, this new government contract to build a weapon that shoots immigrants from space is fantastic news.
Hey, did you guys know that there’s a building full of toxic garbage right in the middle of Austin, Texas? It’s called the Comedy Mothership.
September 25, 2025 at 7:34 AM
Hey, did you guys know that there’s a building full of toxic garbage right in the middle of Austin, Texas? It’s called the Comedy Mothership.
Sometimes I eat things simply to confirm that I’m not a ghost yet.
September 25, 2025 at 6:53 AM
Sometimes I eat things simply to confirm that I’m not a ghost yet.
Gonna sabotage every goddamn escalator Trump rides from now on, just try to stop me.
September 25, 2025 at 6:31 AM
Gonna sabotage every goddamn escalator Trump rides from now on, just try to stop me.
Hey y’all. It’s my birthday! On July 24th, 2024 I was so close to dying that I coded in the ER and the doctors were telling my family I might be brain dead even if I made it. Today I’m gonna show my kids ‘E.T.’ for the first time. Don’t let the bastards fool you: being alive is worth it.
September 22, 2025 at 11:31 PM
Hey y’all. It’s my birthday! On July 24th, 2024 I was so close to dying that I coded in the ER and the doctors were telling my family I might be brain dead even if I made it. Today I’m gonna show my kids ‘E.T.’ for the first time. Don’t let the bastards fool you: being alive is worth it.
Seriously though guys who much does this all suck?
September 16, 2025 at 7:21 PM
Seriously though guys who much does this all suck?
I like to ‘gamify’ my sex life by allowing women to ‘deduct points’ for everything I do in bed that ‘makes them wish they were having sex with a different person.’
September 13, 2025 at 9:30 PM
I like to ‘gamify’ my sex life by allowing women to ‘deduct points’ for everything I do in bed that ‘makes them wish they were having sex with a different person.’
Imagine what would happen if every single dead kid in Gaza were treated like Charlie Kirk.
September 11, 2025 at 8:28 PM
Imagine what would happen if every single dead kid in Gaza were treated like Charlie Kirk.
You know why they’re being so vague about the guy who shot Charlie Kirk? Because it was Jeffrey Epstein.
September 11, 2025 at 7:36 PM
You know why they’re being so vague about the guy who shot Charlie Kirk? Because it was Jeffrey Epstein.
This sucks, they don’t even assassinate cool people anymore.
September 11, 2025 at 3:22 PM
This sucks, they don’t even assassinate cool people anymore.
Jeffrey Epstein (with a flaming pitchfork up his ass): Welcome to hell, Mr Kirk. I’ll show you to your room.
September 11, 2025 at 3:19 PM
Jeffrey Epstein (with a flaming pitchfork up his ass): Welcome to hell, Mr Kirk. I’ll show you to your room.
Reposted by Doc Hap
Amateur archeologist uncovers tomb of amateur mummy.
September 11, 2025 at 1:56 PM
Amateur archeologist uncovers tomb of amateur mummy.
More like Charlie Jerk amirite folks
September 11, 2025 at 3:12 PM
More like Charlie Jerk amirite folks