I highly recommend “sound on” for this new angle

Trump: don’t take acepitoemponoene

RFK Jr: *moth crawls out of mouth*

A nude man is in the background, only referred to as “the colonel”

Person watching on tv: well if they say so

This is one of the most beautiful things I have witnessed, the craft here is impeccable.

The problem? Thrift stores google the prices of all their merchandise, making it less likely an amazing deal slips through the cracks.

The plan? A chain of thrift stores staffed entirely by convicted pedophiles who have been legally banned from using the internet

Me:
The other guy in the yard:
Me:
Other guy:
Me:
Third guy (walking up):
Me:
Other guy:
Third guy:
Me: You here for the--
Other guy: Milkshake yeah
Third guy: Yeah the milkshake
Me: Yeah

The world's most sought-after short-form pornography critic

A student somehow accidentally emailed the entire NYU faculty and the reply-all carnage is like a freeway pile-up

hitting the sad face button on my way out of the airport restroom after finding a guy dead on the toilet