Alice Lastname
@dick.tips
Autist, dong-lover, and avid dreader.
Pinned
Alice Lastname
@dick.tips
· Aug 10
Do you think Einstein ever jacked off to the Lorentz factor
Reposted by Alice Lastname
i promise i'll write something fun next week :) www.humbleoffering.com/no-that-webs...
February 10, 2026 at 1:16 AM
i promise i'll write something fun next week :) www.humbleoffering.com/no-that-webs...
Reposted by Alice Lastname
King George, 1782:
Sorry, I'm not watching, but I just checked the score and need to ask if all of the Patriots died
February 9, 2026 at 3:10 AM
King George, 1782:
In that situation, laying down in the fetal position is exactly what I would've done, too
February 9, 2026 at 3:13 AM
In that situation, laying down in the fetal position is exactly what I would've done, too
Saw someone say we need to "minmax society" and i don't have any gee dee idea what that means but i feel it in my bones to be true
February 7, 2026 at 5:48 AM
Saw someone say we need to "minmax society" and i don't have any gee dee idea what that means but i feel it in my bones to be true
Using my small watchmaker's lathe to manufacture an even smaller watchmaker's lathe to manufacture an even smaller watch to gift to a small animal
February 7, 2026 at 5:41 AM
Using my small watchmaker's lathe to manufacture an even smaller watchmaker's lathe to manufacture an even smaller watch to gift to a small animal
Reposted by Alice Lastname
"Did you get those mugshots of the dangerous agitators?"
"Sure did boss. Real fucking badass and defiant, just like you asked"
"....."
"And I made our guys look like naughty kids refusing to brush their teeth"
"Sure did boss. Real fucking badass and defiant, just like you asked"
"....."
"And I made our guys look like naughty kids refusing to brush their teeth"
Scrolling through the photos of Pam Bondi's "Minnesota rioters," it's just hero after hero. Every photo includes a cowardly DHS agent with their back to the camera.
Bondi thinks she's going to win the propaganda war with this shit, but it's never been more clear that they're losing.
Bondi thinks she's going to win the propaganda war with this shit, but it's never been more clear that they're losing.
January 28, 2026 at 9:52 PM
"Did you get those mugshots of the dangerous agitators?"
"Sure did boss. Real fucking badass and defiant, just like you asked"
"....."
"And I made our guys look like naughty kids refusing to brush their teeth"
"Sure did boss. Real fucking badass and defiant, just like you asked"
"....."
"And I made our guys look like naughty kids refusing to brush their teeth"
Oh sure, yuk it up. But while you're over there laughing, this poor man has apparently trapped himself headfirst, legs kicking away at the sky, in the detective hole
January 29, 2026 at 3:51 AM
Oh sure, yuk it up. But while you're over there laughing, this poor man has apparently trapped himself headfirst, legs kicking away at the sky, in the detective hole
@cologuardsupport.com I pooped in a cologuard box and mailed it in and i got a call a few days later saying my sample couldn't be processed because it had too high of a "froth factor" and that it broke the poop smushing machine and that they were going to invoice me for the parts and labor to fix it
January 17, 2026 at 3:47 AM
@cologuardsupport.com I pooped in a cologuard box and mailed it in and i got a call a few days later saying my sample couldn't be processed because it had too high of a "froth factor" and that it broke the poop smushing machine and that they were going to invoice me for the parts and labor to fix it
The cot-caught merger is arguably one of the top 5 mergers
December 30, 2025 at 4:25 AM
The cot-caught merger is arguably one of the top 5 mergers
Reposted by Alice Lastname
Devastated to learn that the one person who consistently subscribed to me on OnlyFans was also subbed to the Pillsbury dough boy
November 28, 2025 at 5:14 AM
Devastated to learn that the one person who consistently subscribed to me on OnlyFans was also subbed to the Pillsbury dough boy
more like the toronto Blowjobs
November 2, 2025 at 6:33 AM
more like the toronto Blowjobs
Gonna start a band called the Non-Trivial Zeroes
November 1, 2025 at 5:11 AM
Gonna start a band called the Non-Trivial Zeroes
Just paid £95000 at auction for one of the rare first editions in which the One Ring was a prince albert
October 17, 2025 at 4:39 AM
Just paid £95000 at auction for one of the rare first editions in which the One Ring was a prince albert
We spent a trillion dollars on building a plagiarism machine that flatters your ego instead of putting that money into R&D for an actual good cause: teledildonics
September 7, 2025 at 3:16 PM
We spent a trillion dollars on building a plagiarism machine that flatters your ego instead of putting that money into R&D for an actual good cause: teledildonics
It should be called a Play 'n' Pack or Unpack 'n' Play, but, as it stands, it is in objectively the incorrect order
September 7, 2025 at 5:27 AM
It should be called a Play 'n' Pack or Unpack 'n' Play, but, as it stands, it is in objectively the incorrect order
Fuck yeah 34 year olds lets goooo
September 1, 2025 at 5:38 AM
Fuck yeah 34 year olds lets goooo
Hoping that the day comes soon when society will recognize that the entrepreneurial impulse to start a business and get rich is a form of psychosis
August 31, 2025 at 6:46 AM
Hoping that the day comes soon when society will recognize that the entrepreneurial impulse to start a business and get rich is a form of psychosis
Narcissus in 2025 just spending hundreds of dollars a month on chatgpt credits
August 31, 2025 at 6:20 AM
Narcissus in 2025 just spending hundreds of dollars a month on chatgpt credits
Trying to explain to my nephew how IRC was like if Discord was plaintext only and wasnt owned by a singular entity and didn't give you chronic migraines
August 31, 2025 at 5:55 AM
Trying to explain to my nephew how IRC was like if Discord was plaintext only and wasnt owned by a singular entity and didn't give you chronic migraines
Just want to clarify for the record that what I mean by "it happening" is Charlie Kaufman writing and directing a biopic of Clive Wearing starring Bill Nighy
right just so we’re clear, what I mean by “it happening” is Criterion releasing a 4K edition of In the Cut
Remember: any time I’m talking about “it happening”, I mean “Radiohead releasing a new album”
August 30, 2025 at 6:14 AM
Just want to clarify for the record that what I mean by "it happening" is Charlie Kaufman writing and directing a biopic of Clive Wearing starring Bill Nighy
Reposted by Alice Lastname
At the very least it’s fun to think of this as a sort of tailgate party before the big event
August 30, 2025 at 5:49 AM
At the very least it’s fun to think of this as a sort of tailgate party before the big event
Jacking off, just about to cum, fitbit vibrates, I got in all my steps
August 25, 2025 at 6:06 AM
Jacking off, just about to cum, fitbit vibrates, I got in all my steps
My most toxic trait is that I don't like Bladerunner in any way except for the aesthetic and mise en scene
August 25, 2025 at 5:55 AM
My most toxic trait is that I don't like Bladerunner in any way except for the aesthetic and mise en scene