David Veta
@davidveta.bsky.social
Pinned
Very fun one that I hope you like!
"It is my view and the view of this administration that parents should be free to decide whether they want their children oppressively strapped into a two-ton vehicle or liberated head-first through the windshield."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
The Head of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration Explains Why It’s No Longer Recommending the Use of Seat Belts
“In the seven months since he was sworn in, Mr. Kennedy has delivered a lukewarm endorsement of the measles vaccine; dismantled a panel of experts ...
www.mcsweeneys.net
September 8, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Very fun one that I hope you like!
I would only inject heroin if someone gave me a lollipop after
July 27, 2025 at 10:01 PM
I would only inject heroin if someone gave me a lollipop after
Reposted by David Veta
So thankful we have @shadesofgreaves.bsky.social writing for us. He came through yet again with another banger today.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-s...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-s...
I, Saruman, Have Ended My Alliance with the Dark Lord Sauron
“Last year, two mercurial billionaires formed a partnership and vowed to drive the country in a new direction. Donald Trump had the political power...
www.mcsweeneys.net
June 6, 2025 at 6:00 PM
So thankful we have @shadesofgreaves.bsky.social writing for us. He came through yet again with another banger today.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-s...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-s...
Reposted by David Veta
"The first movie ever made was released in 1887. That movie is called 'Air Bud,' and it is about a dog who is good at passing a three-dimensional sphere through a two-dimensional hoop, which is illegal."
I Love Movies, by Chat GPT
The first movie ever made was released in 1887. That movie is called Air Bud, and it is about a dog who is good at passing a three-dimensional sphe...
buff.ly
June 5, 2025 at 6:29 PM
"The first movie ever made was released in 1887. That movie is called 'Air Bud,' and it is about a dog who is good at passing a three-dimensional sphere through a two-dimensional hoop, which is illegal."
An article I wrote in McSweeney’s today!!
I Love Movies, by Chat GPT
The first movie ever made was released in 1887. That movie is called Air Bud, and it is about a dog who is good at passing a three-dimensional sphe...
www.mcsweeneys.net
June 5, 2025 at 5:45 PM
An article I wrote in McSweeney’s today!!
Me when bad things happen in the world:
May 29, 2025 at 7:08 AM
Me when bad things happen in the world:
Instead of going in and out, the guy is going to have to rotate on an axis so he spins around like a helicopter
May 29, 2025 at 6:39 AM
Instead of going in and out, the guy is going to have to rotate on an axis so he spins around like a helicopter
My day so far to the tune of the Pepto Bismol jingle:
Adderall, coffee, Costco muffin
Upset stomach, diet cola
Adderall, coffee, Costco muffin
Upset stomach, diet cola
May 14, 2025 at 10:21 PM
My day so far to the tune of the Pepto Bismol jingle:
Adderall, coffee, Costco muffin
Upset stomach, diet cola
Adderall, coffee, Costco muffin
Upset stomach, diet cola
(Five For Fighting “100 Years”)
There’s never a dish better than fish
When you’ve only got five loaves of bread… to give
There’s never a dish better than fish
When you’ve only got five loaves of bread… to give
February 22, 2025 at 5:47 PM
(Five For Fighting “100 Years”)
There’s never a dish better than fish
When you’ve only got five loaves of bread… to give
There’s never a dish better than fish
When you’ve only got five loaves of bread… to give
(My Name Is Jonas)
My Name-A Borat
My Name-A Borat
February 21, 2025 at 4:52 PM
(My Name Is Jonas)
My Name-A Borat
My Name-A Borat
Boys might hold in their feelings, but girls hold in their farts
February 17, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Boys might hold in their feelings, but girls hold in their farts
If you buy this kind of scent, you want to eat a candle. I’m sorry, but you do
February 14, 2025 at 6:33 PM
If you buy this kind of scent, you want to eat a candle. I’m sorry, but you do
In an effort to be more wealthy, I have decided to be born before 1960
January 20, 2025 at 7:22 PM
In an effort to be more wealthy, I have decided to be born before 1960
Making sugar-free Redbull by leaving a diet Sprite on my wireless charger
January 15, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Making sugar-free Redbull by leaving a diet Sprite on my wireless charger
TV when dialogue: *psspsspsssspss*
TV when cat walks on carpet: *NUCLEAR EXPLOSION*
TV when cat walks on carpet: *NUCLEAR EXPLOSION*
January 15, 2025 at 3:35 AM
TV when dialogue: *psspsspsssspss*
TV when cat walks on carpet: *NUCLEAR EXPLOSION*
TV when cat walks on carpet: *NUCLEAR EXPLOSION*
They should make a gun that instead of killing someone it makes them poop their pants
January 14, 2025 at 11:15 PM
They should make a gun that instead of killing someone it makes them poop their pants
The best feeling in the world is drinking a soda when you really should be drinking a water
January 14, 2025 at 1:56 AM
The best feeling in the world is drinking a soda when you really should be drinking a water
People who say “time heals all wounds” have never have never been sent a 👍🏻 emoji in response to a joke
January 11, 2025 at 2:58 AM
People who say “time heals all wounds” have never have never been sent a 👍🏻 emoji in response to a joke
If Leaving Las Vegas (1995) was a YouTube video:
“The Entire Bee Movie But Every Time They Say Bee I Take A Shot Of Whiskey”
“The Entire Bee Movie But Every Time They Say Bee I Take A Shot Of Whiskey”
January 6, 2025 at 4:51 PM
If Leaving Las Vegas (1995) was a YouTube video:
“The Entire Bee Movie But Every Time They Say Bee I Take A Shot Of Whiskey”
“The Entire Bee Movie But Every Time They Say Bee I Take A Shot Of Whiskey”
Is Madam Webb the girl telescope?
January 3, 2025 at 2:58 AM
Is Madam Webb the girl telescope?
New Year’s resolution is to finally figure out where that smell is coming from
January 1, 2025 at 7:20 PM
New Year’s resolution is to finally figure out where that smell is coming from
You should get to see a trailer for your day before you wake up so you can be like “oh yeah I remember this part, I’m about to forget this guy’s name and panic and call him ‘old sport’”
December 31, 2024 at 3:17 PM
You should get to see a trailer for your day before you wake up so you can be like “oh yeah I remember this part, I’m about to forget this guy’s name and panic and call him ‘old sport’”
Al Gore rhythm (algorithm)
December 31, 2024 at 4:24 AM
Al Gore rhythm (algorithm)
First they made pizza beans and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a bean
December 30, 2024 at 7:10 PM
First they made pizza beans and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a bean